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to be shocked that my sister and her husband are going to give their new baby just her surname?

(165 Posts)
Caroline1852 Sun 26-Aug-07 12:25:36

My sister did not change her name on marriage and her and her husband are expecting their first child in November. They plan to give their baby just her surname. Am I alone in thinking this is a bit odd but I am worried for her. Will people assume that the baby is hers from a previous marriage and her husband is the stepfather? Will it be odd for the child?

hercules1 Sun 26-Aug-07 12:26:28

Why does it matter? Won't be odd at all.

MaryAnnSingleton Sun 26-Aug-07 12:27:05

don't think it matters much really - children seem to have all manner or linked bname combinations these days - maybe she just likes her surname better ?

beansprout Sun 26-Aug-07 12:27:30

No, not unless people make odd assumptions!

Ds has dh's surname, not mine, people don't assume he is dh's from a previous relationship hmm. TBH, I regret it, I wish ds had my surname.

Moomin Sun 26-Aug-07 12:27:50

Not at all - you're being a bit last century IMO! Why should it matter to you if people make assumptions about the child's parentage? Don't be worried, just enjoy having a new baby around!

Dottydot Sun 26-Aug-07 12:28:00

I think you're worrying unnecessarily! If your sister's kept her surname then why shouldn't the child have her surname as well? don't think it will matter at all from the child's point of view and people make assumptions about all sorts of things - right and wrong!

Don't worry about it - they might change their minds anyway - it's a long time from now until November and decisions you make when you're pregnant aren't necessarily the ones that stick when the baby arrives! smile

MaryAnnSingleton Sun 26-Aug-07 12:30:13

I think I'd rather prefer my surname actually !

meowmix Sun 26-Aug-07 12:32:30

we did this, didn't matter in the slightest although later on DH took my name, largely because we were emigrating and it made the paperwork easier.

if it were the other way round would you think people would assume she was the step-mum?

Caroline1852 Sun 26-Aug-07 12:34:01

I prefer my maiden surname too, but none of my four children have my surname. I don't know anyone who is married and has given their child a different surname from the father..... anyone?

Caroline1852 Sun 26-Aug-07 12:35:14

I think if it were the other way round people would just assume that they were unmarried which is becoming quite conventional!

meowmix Sun 26-Aug-07 12:38:58

me. MeowMix junior has been a Mix all his life. DH has a dreadful surname and I refused to take it.

Dottydot Sun 26-Aug-07 12:41:02

Well our children haven't got my surname or my dp's or their father's! They've got their own, which we made up - it's an amalgamation of mine and dp's.

I thought very seriously about changing my surname to theirs, so that they shared theirs with one of their parents - I got the paperwork and everything but just couldn't do the final bit of posting it off and informing everyone. I realised I'm very attached to my surname! So I'm sure my ds's will be to theirs, and they know how it came into being - and that no one else in this country has got the same surname as them! smile

Blandmum Sun 26-Aug-07 12:43:07

Why on earth should it matter?

My kids have dh's surname which is not the same as mine (we are married btw, I didn't change my name). No-one has ever questioned if they are his biological kids and not mine.

YABU

MaryAnnSingleton Sun 26-Aug-07 12:46:54

ds was baby *(my surname) on his hospital card thing when he was born because my notes were under my maiden name,which I keep professionally- got registered under dh's surname.Wish I'd included my surname in his given names now as it's a good one and quite distinctive. I like keeping mine as well as having a married name - I can change personas !

Eddas Sun 26-Aug-07 12:51:38

It shouldn't matter but to me it would. This is just my personal view for my own children not anyone else's that's their decision. Personally I always wanted the same name as dh and any dcs to have the same name too. And I wanted to be married before I had children. If dh had a weird/horrible surname and I wanted to stick with mine I would've wanted him to change his so that we were the same.

bubblerock Sun 26-Aug-07 12:54:46

Have they said why they want to do it this way? I was just wondering if perhaps they didn't like the husbands surname or maybe if they didn't carry on your surname it would stop (ie no male descendants).

DottyDot - i think that is a fab idea to amalgamate the surnames and create a whole new one, it's very thoughtful and special IMO smile

LoveAngel Sun 26-Aug-07 13:00:08

Don't really see the problem with it. People who make assumptions based on people's names really ought not to!

Aitch Sun 26-Aug-07 13:06:08

i know someone who did that, which was fortunate as she later ditched her DP.

wolveschick Sun 26-Aug-07 13:07:32

Not as odd as Tv presenter who gave one child her surname and second son her husband's surname. I find that odd.

MaryAnnSingleton Sun 26-Aug-07 13:09:03

who was that wolveschick ?

wolveschick Sun 26-Aug-07 13:11:19

Fiona Phillips.

policywonk Sun 26-Aug-07 13:11:52

Your sister is being reasonable. You are not.

Blandmum Sun 26-Aug-07 13:12:42

It can sometimes prove difficult for children when they have their surnames changed repeatedly. We have had a few kids in school who have 4 or 5 different surnames as their mum/dad marries/ divorces/remaries. They seem to find the constant changing of names tough. Obviously long term changes are a different matter

cylon Sun 26-Aug-07 13:14:30

quite frankly op, it's none of your business what name your sister gives her child.
i am of the now old fashioned view that a child should have their fathers name. but if the father and mother choose not to do so. then that's their choice. surnames no longer matter the way they used to. and you need to respect their choice.

WideWebWitch Sun 26-Aug-07 13:14:50

Yes, you are being unreasonable.

a) it's not really any of you business imo
b) plenty of women don't change their names (I have never changed my name and have been married twice)
c) Like beansprout, ds has ex dh's surname, not mine and I too regret it, I wish he had MY name. Consequently, dd, who has dh2 for a father, has hyphenated my surname-his surname
d) who cares what 'people' think or assume?

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