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To be totally fed up regarding Christmas arrangements?

(216 Posts)
checkedcloth Mon 16-Dec-19 06:51:42

It’s the same every year. I work in the NHS - so only get 25th and 26th off. I essentially do 80% of all the Christmas organising

I do all the Food planning and cooking. We always have Christmas at ours - never had an invite elsewhere. My parents come to us and so I’m catering for 4 adults and our 2 DCs (Both under 10) My mother will bang on about many calories anything has and never shows any appreciation for the effort I make

I’m just fed up with all the hard work but yet I’m the one with the least time off. Everyone expects Christmas dinner on the 26th too.

I could leave it up to DH but the reality is it will be crap. He can hardly cook and that’s not fair on the kids or me actually in that I’d like a decent meal.

I’ve organised all the gifts and yet I know he hasn’t got me anything so far. He’ll be hoping u just choose something to make it easier for him. In the midst of Christmas is my birthday which will come and go given the time of year.

I just feel fed up with it all. I hear lots of people
Saying they are looking forward to Christmas but yet I just see it as two days of slog then back to work.

I’ve tried to explain to DH how I feel but he just doesn’t seem to get it and thinks I’m just moaning.

I could down tools and let him get on with it but then it will be a let down for the DCS which I can’t allow.

mousemousse Mon 16-Dec-19 06:54:16

I would definitely feed your mum a salad grin or dramatically weigh her food out on the table so you can calculate calories.

thesunwillout Mon 16-Dec-19 06:57:14

Mousemousse 😆

Op is there any way you can go out for Boxing day lunch take the pressure off you?

MayFayner Mon 16-Dec-19 06:57:17

Stop doing dinner on 26th, for starters. When are you supposed to get a break?

justfornowiguess Mon 16-Dec-19 07:02:13

I would let your partner cook Christmas lunch - even if only on Boxing Day. One rubbish lunch won't hurt any of you (unless it involves good poisoning) and you can't expect to get better at something unless they are allowed to do it. You could supervise or work together. Get the kids to help too. They need to see what's involved. If it doesn't work out well, next year tell them you need to go out for Christmas lunch or it's just not happening.

As for your mother, I would contact her now and d see at you know how concerned she is about calories so you wouldn't be at all offended if she brought something she's preparing for herself. Even offer to buy her a weight watchers meal for one. If she says she'll eat everyone else still, serve her a tiny portion.

Tiredmumssquad Mon 16-Dec-19 07:03:33

Why don't you try giving your mum some food to make.. like ask her to be incharge or desserts or starters ? Takes the pressure off you a bit and she will know what calories are in it

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Mon 16-Dec-19 07:09:33

That unfair and unkind of your family.

Sit your DH down TODAY and tell him to step up and help with organising. Even if he's a crap cook he can still help with cleaning, table laying, washing up, child wrangling etc.

Make cooking as easy as possible. Pre-prepared veg etc. Whatever takes the pain out.

Sit down after dinner with a large glass of something and leave the clearing up to everyone else.

Boxing Day dinner can be a help yourself buffet. No one will die.

Give yourself a break from your parents next year. Tell them early and tell them why!

Don't be a martyr.

HugeAckmansWife Mon 16-Dec-19 07:17:15

It's not fair that it's left to you but stop being so passive. 4 adults and 2 kids is not a lot and it just a roast. Buy pre prepped veg, stuffing balls, pigs in blankets. Even roasties and Yorkshire if you like. Tell your parents they are brining desserts and cheese. Get part baked rolls, pickles, pate etc for boxing day and tell people if they 'expect' something else they can do it. I,m a single mum to two and have hosted my parents and dsis and bil for the last few years. We divide the food buying and prep between us all so no-one is overwhelmed. Start being more assertive about what you will and won't do. Yes you are moaning.. For a reason, so own it and explain in Jo uncertain terms why. It's your Christmas too, so tell you 'd' h to get off his arse and organise stockings for the kids and something for you.

RhymingRabbit3 Mon 16-Dec-19 07:22:37

I agree with the others. This situation is partly your own making as you are just going along with it. Ask your parents/husband to help. Even if your husband isn't a good cook he can definitely help out - anyone can peel a carrot or stick Yorkshire puds in a tin.

Don't do a Christmas dinner again on the 26th and tell them why.

Salvationiseasy Mon 16-Dec-19 07:25:04

You could get food from marks and spencer already prepared to just go in the oven if it made things easier, frozen roast potatoes, my dad works for the nhs and this is what they do for Christmas. Then they just have loads of party foods for Boxing Day when all the family come round.

superram Mon 16-Dec-19 07:26:51

Boxing Day lunch should be leftover turkey, chips and pickles. It’s tradition (you just haven’t started it yet!). He can do oven chips.

Fairylea Mon 16-Dec-19 07:28:47

Can you go out for lunch somewhere instead? To a hotel or a pub? Not sure if budget would allow this but would take out some of the hassle.

neverdoingthatagain100 Mon 16-Dec-19 07:30:17

One year I was just out of hospital so I couldn't do anything, I sent my oh to m&s with a list, we bought everything ready prepped, the in laws came, and I remember it being one on the nicest Christmases ever.
I actually relaxed and we had food left over for the next day, and in laws had food to take home with them.
You must take the pressure off yourself and you must totally relax with your family on BD.

Butterymuffin Mon 16-Dec-19 07:33:09

Boxing Day can be leftovers and party food from M&S/ Aldi depending on budget. Don't cook again!

Tell your D H how you feel and that you'd like a thoughtful present for Christmas and birthday.

Speak up now! Nothing wrong with that.

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook Mon 16-Dec-19 07:34:07

So a roast for four adults and two children, that's just Sunday surely? Boxing Day put out cold meats, cheeses, bread etc. You're DH refusing to cook or buy presents is the issue, anyone can peel veg, tell him that's his job this year. Put the food on the table and tell your mother to just eat sprouts if she's concerned about calories but you don't want it discussed in front of the children. Maybe next year pick up a shift on Christmas Day.

flouncyfanny Mon 16-Dec-19 07:34:11

Do a roast for christmas day (and a small green salad with no dressing for your mum fgrin) then do something different for boxing day. What would the kids like? We've had fish fingers, chips and beans for christmas day in the past. Or i've done a curry.
Eat what you like, just don't make it too complicated. Ignore your mum.
Then have a rest, feet up. You've done everything DH can organize the tidying/washing up!
Oh, and tell them all that next year you are not hosting and you want to go out for christmas lunch as your christmas/birthday gift from them!!

CakeandCustard28 Mon 16-Dec-19 07:35:08

I wouldn’t bother doing dinner on Boxing Day for starters. They can order a takeaway if they can’t cook. Next year I’d book yourself Christmas dinner at a restaurant and save yourself the stress too. (Give your mum a salad too If she’s going to moan)

Sparkletastic Mon 16-Dec-19 07:37:01

Sounds rubbish. What do you want to happen instead? Focus on making that happen.

countdowntochristmas Mon 16-Dec-19 07:39:16

Stop being such a martyr.
2 days off insist on some help .
Delegate what you would like to be done .
I'm a bit like this I do all the shopping & cooking cause my dh is crap at it but I only cook Christmas dinner . Christmas Eve buffet and Boxing Day leftovers. They can insist on a 2nd dinner on Boxing Day but say no I'm not doing it you want a rest and stick to it don't give in . Your dh can help with a buffet anyone can make a few sandwiches. Do not do it all then complain.

SexNamesRFab Mon 16-Dec-19 07:40:03

I felt like you last year OP and ended up overriding the kids and DH and booking Xmas dinner out (only Harvester, but it was great). I took the pressure off massively, I'm sure it was cheaper too.

TricksyLiesmith Mon 16-Dec-19 07:40:56

Why are you cooking on 26th? Is it your parents or DH who is expecting this ? Say to them now that a full dinner on Boxing Day not happening and you will be on left overs this year . Or as other posters have said get something you can just bing in the oven from m&s. If your mother is so bothered about calories then surely this works better for her .

Boxing Day in our house is a day of rest with a slower pace , leisurely walks , kids playing with toys , board games and watching TV .

MarthasGinYard Mon 16-Dec-19 07:41:32

No big dinner on Boxing Day unless they cook it themselves.

Pointedly say please bring pudding etc and let them make that.

Get your kids and DH peeling spuds and doing stuff.

Totally get why you don't want to leave him in charge and eat a crap dinner.

Try and find time to chill on your birthday expect to get taken out and make it known.

Next year CHANGE the arrangements. Have Christmas on your own or just say you are having a day off. Stop doing what's expected of you.

I did and it's much more pleasant smile

Bouledeneige Mon 16-Dec-19 07:42:00

On Christmas Day I think you should announce that it’s your last Christmas meal - it’s exhausting and goes unappreciated so next year you will be going to a hotel or restaurant to be chosen by your DH and the year after to be chosen by your parents.

Boxing Day lunch should be stopped now - that’s ridiculous. Just make soup and leftovers with salad. Or go for a walk and pub lunch.

Stop now. They are all totally selfish.

fedup21 Mon 16-Dec-19 07:43:52

Everyone expects Christmas dinner on the 26th too.

People can expect what they like, it doesn’t mean it will happen.

I would have exploded and said something long before now. What does your DH say when you point out you have the least time off but are doing all the work?

Roast dinner cooked by you and DH.
Tell your mum not to whinge when she does.
No guests on Boxing Day-go for a nice walk, xmas film and then have leftovers for tea.

To be honest you could have words with your mum about complaining and tell her she won’t be invited next time. Why doesn’t she offer to host?

It’s your DH who isn’t being very helpful though.

I’ve tried to explain to DH how I feel but he just doesn’t seem to get it and thinks I’m just moaning.

Write a list of everything you do and everything he does and show it to him-that should make it clear he is not pulling his weight.

Re the present-have an Amazon wish list of things you like.

StrongTea Mon 16-Dec-19 07:45:29

I think the more you do the more you are expected to do.

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