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To be so stupid and need help !

(33 Posts)
JenNtonic Mon 16-Dec-19 01:24:19

Hi all, hope everybody’s well.
It’s been a crap year for me,
I fell pregnant in March, (my 2nd child and ex DPs 1st), I discovered that after a night out, he didn’t come home and that he’d been unfaithful in the and a day after that, I miscarried at 22 weeks 😣😰 ( I think it was due to the shock and the stress although I can’t prove this).
This caused my mental health to spiral out of control, long story short I have racked up about 2000 in rent arrears with the council.
I am now on my own with my son and although I did ask them to send me a form so that a friend could deal with it on my behalf, apparently they didn’t receive it. I have to admit I have ignored the door to a welfare liaison officer as I was sinking deeper and deeper in to grief and depression . I’m now on my own with my little boy, no partner, no baby and still fairly ill and on universal credit.
I have now received this letter and it’s fair to say I could just cry and punch myself in the face. I’m so low right now, trying to get used to Sertraline and sleeping tablets, I don’t eat, go out, NOTHING. I feel like this is the final boot in my gut although I’ve brought it on myself !!
And advice or help or anyone who’s been through this ? Am I going to be evicted ? What if anything can I do !?
Thanks so much for Any reply!

Painedpleasure Mon 16-Dec-19 01:30:26

There are groups on Facebook like Beat the banks and Bailiffs that can help. You can't get out of paying this but try and set up a plan and arrangement before it goes to court, where money could be taken from your benefits directly or worse. It will work out, just be proactive on this matter.

gangsterwrapper Mon 16-Dec-19 01:31:13

Hey, I’m so sorry it’s been a shit year for you sad please don’t bury your head any longer!

Go into the council tomorrow and speak to someone face to face. They may be able to work out a repayment plan with you, it’s not too late. They’ve issued proceedings because you’re not engaging with them.

If you get no joy with them, go to the CAB or call shelter. I can’t stress enough not to ignore it and to go to the council first thing. Don’t leave it.

JenNtonic Mon 16-Dec-19 01:31:43

Thank you ! Are you able to point me in the direction of a specific group please ? Also do I phone the court or the council to try and pay something ? Many thanks

Pinkbonbon Mon 16-Dec-19 01:32:25

You need to get in touch with them first thing and tell them what you have told us. They allow you to discuss a payment plan.

See about speaking to a doctor too, to help you get on top of your mental health.

Are you claiming all the benefits you are entitled to? Is child's father doing his part financially?

Worst case scenario, where could you go if evicted? Or at least is there somewhere you could safely leave your things whilst you are in limbo housing wise?

JenNtonic Mon 16-Dec-19 01:32:38

@gangsterwrapper you're right, I'm ashamed of myself, I will put big girl pants on and go to the hub tomorrow and hopefully see somebody. Thank you 🙂

gangsterwrapper Mon 16-Dec-19 01:33:35

@JenNtonic you need to eat on sertraline too lovely! Don’t pay anything until you’ve set up a plan ok.

Dita73 Mon 16-Dec-19 01:34:13

If you have a child and you’re on your own what insane doctor is giving you sleeping tablets?!

JenNtonic Mon 16-Dec-19 01:34:47

@Pinkbonbon I've recently admitted to myself that I'm unwell and have started medication. I don't have anyone to stay with and childs father is MIA. Should I maybe take my sick note thing to the council people ? I claim universal credit for my son and I since I stopped work just due to the pure dread and depression I feel. It's hideous ! X

gangsterwrapper Mon 16-Dec-19 01:35:39

@JenNtonic no need to be ashamed! You’re addressing it now. One day and one step at a time. I’m so glad you’re going in. Everything crossed for you both.

Chocmallows Mon 16-Dec-19 01:36:03

You've had great advice already. Speaking face to face or CAB. If you need to build up in the morning call the Samaritans first to talk about your grief. Feeling listened to can help and you can run through your plans to help you feel stronger.

JenNtonic Mon 16-Dec-19 01:36:04

@gangsterwrapper thank you, I won't 🙂 and am on day 6 and feel worse if I'm honest. X

JenNtonic Mon 16-Dec-19 01:36:51

@Dita73 my regular GP said sleeping tablets may help me get into a routine and a good nights sleep may help me with the side effects better x that's all I know really

JenNtonic Mon 16-Dec-19 01:37:39

@gangsterwrapper Awww I'm tearful now ha ha. Thank you I'm gonna drag myself in no matter what x

JenNtonic Mon 16-Dec-19 01:38:55

@Chocmallows Thank you and I really feel a chat would help. It's just all got on top of me ! Pathetic but it needs to stop.. thank you x

gangsterwrapper Mon 16-Dec-19 01:41:12

@JenNtonic sertraline does that to you at first. Almost overpowers you and zonks you out 😩 if it gets too much, talk to the gp.

I didn’t mean to make you cry 💐 All will look better when you’ve spoken to the council x

JenNtonic Mon 16-Dec-19 01:42:46

@gangsterwrapper tearful in a good way !!! Aw I have to admit I expected to feel better by now but it's like it's amplified all over again YUK ! I don't remember it being this bad. You're right, I think if this was sorted, I could kind of concentrate on improving my mental health. Thank you for all your advice and kind words x

eaglejulesk Mon 16-Dec-19 01:46:34

You are not stupid, please don't feel that way about yourself. You've had an awful year and are struggling, it can happen to anyone. I agree with what others have said, talk to the council and see about setting up a payment plan. Take care of yourself, and good luck - hope it all works out flowers

JenNtonic Mon 16-Dec-19 01:48:55

@eaglejulesk Thank you very much, just the guilt and the fear I think x I'm going to go in person tomorrow and see what can be done. X

gangsterwrapper Mon 16-Dec-19 01:49:10

@JenNtonic oh, now I don’t feel so bad 😂 Look how much you’ve had to deal with! Give yourself a break.. the roof over yours and your ds’ head is the most important thing right now, sort that and then you can fully concentrate on your mh. It’s s journey lovely and you’ll get there. You’re welcome, but no thanks needed x

JenNtonic Mon 16-Dec-19 01:51:46

@gangsterwrapper 😊⭐️🙂🥂

Dita73 Mon 16-Dec-19 01:53:56

Taking the antidepressants is a good idea but I’m concerned about the sleeping tablets. I’m amazed that knowing you’re depressed they’ve prescribed them. I had them once and I slept a bit better but the druggy side effects were awful and I found coping in the day harder. In regards to the situation you’re in I’m afraid I’m clueless but get to the CAB as soon as possible and I really hope they help you. Thinking of you flowers

JenNtonic Mon 16-Dec-19 02:02:01

@Dita73 Thank you very much 🙂 I just assumed it was normal ??? Now you come to mention it, I do have a horrific metallic taste when I wake up but it's only a "short course" of 5 then a 4 day break then 5 more ?? Zopliclone they're called (spell check that lol). It may make a difference that my boy is 12 ?? I'm not really sure I just smiled and nodded like a zombie, was just happy to get some medication that I know works. They definitely didn't give them to me last time though.
My plan is to go to the hub where the council people are, take the letter and some money and just see what they say ! Thank you 🙂🙂

VenusTiger Mon 16-Dec-19 02:18:38

Can you try and not take the sleeping tablets?
Guilt is a part of your depression, please don’t feel guilty, you’ve been through so much pain, deceit and loss. But you can get back on top of things, take each task at a time.
Once you’ve seen the council, get yourself something nutritious to eat (helped my DH when he was depressed) you need fresh veg and fruits and oils (if you’re not keen on oily fish, get some omega oil supplements) also vitally, exercise - can you go for a brisk half hour stroll every morning with your son in a pram? The exercise will do your serotonin levels good, and also help with feeling tired at night.
Lastly, do some meditation, sit with some gentle music on and try and feel free and unwind your worries.

Dita73 Mon 16-Dec-19 02:21:51

I suppose if it’s just a short course hopefully it will help but don’t become reliant on them. I’m sure they will help you. By the way,you put in the title that you’re stupid. I can tell you with 100% confidence that you definitely are not stupid. You’re reacting in a perfectly normal way to the bad things that have happened to you. Don’t be so hard on yourself. I also promise that you are a lot stronger than you think you are. You WILL get through this

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