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AIBU to ask for her number?

(54 Posts)
amIaweirdo Sun 15-Dec-19 11:30:14

The children are at ex’s house, he just told me he left them with his partner whom I’ve never met and he won’t be home until in the evening. He comes on WhatsApp when he can, WIBU to ask for his partners number so I can ask how the children are etc? Tell her to take DS nappy off when he wakes up, I know this is obvious but there’s times when he dropped the kids off Sunday lunchtime and DS is still wearing his pull up from the night before hmmAm I weird for asking for her number even though I’ve never met her?

LolaDabestest Sun 15-Dec-19 11:34:54

Wtf I'd be fuming about this and go and collect them! You don't know who the fuck she is! He's acted irresponsibly and tbh he is meant to be spending time with his kids not dumping them on her.

IdiotInDisguise Sun 15-Dec-19 11:39:23

I wish things were so as simple as Lola suggests but you know doing that can backfire a million times and end up in court.

I would suggest you send her a gift for Christmas with your phone in case she has any questions while the children are left under her care. Better to have her on your side.

FuckBalls Sun 15-Dec-19 11:40:15

How long have they been together? If it's less than 6months, I'd go and get them!

LolaDabestest Sun 15-Dec-19 11:40:45

So you would be happy knowing your kids are with someone you've never met? It's wrong op how long has he even been with her for you to not know her?

IdiotInDisguise Sun 15-Dec-19 11:41:59

Don’t go and get them, the dirty nappy at lunch time is nothing compared with the mess and heartbreak your children and yourself will endure if you obstruct contact.

Namechanger23455 Sun 15-Dec-19 11:42:31

You wouldn’t be unreasonable to ask at all OP, ask him for her number and see what he says.if she’s a half decent person she wouldn’t mind you texting her at all

Namechanger23455 Sun 15-Dec-19 11:43:07

I agree with IdiotInDisguise suggestions

Betterbegoing Sun 15-Dec-19 11:43:33

I think, gently, yea, ywbu. He is their parent too, and what happens on his time is, within reason of course, up to him.

IdiotInDisguise Sun 15-Dec-19 11:43:45

Besides, the kids are HIS responsibility, not hers. She just happens to be around. Talk to him but do not even try to dictate how she should care for your kids, they are not her kids.

sexandthecityreviver Sun 15-Dec-19 11:44:21

Unfortunately on their fathers time it's up to him who the children are around. If the father trusts his partner to look after the children why can't you?

SunshineAngel Sun 15-Dec-19 11:44:48

Does she have Facebook? I sent a message to DSS's mum via this method. We'd never met, but I wanted to ask something about his care that I wasn't sure of (DP was on a work trip overnight - and no that's not code for an affair haha) and I also wanted her to know that he was in good hands. She was really nice about it, and we chat quite a bit now smile.

Just because you don't know this woman doesn't mean your son doesn't know her, so please don't worry too much unless you have reason to smile.

MyNewBearTotoro Sun 15-Dec-19 11:46:25

As the children’s parents their father has the right to assess whether other people are capable of looking after his children. He doesn’t have to run it past OP just as OP wouldn’t have to run it past ex before asking friends/ family etc to babysit.

OP, if you asked a friend, family member or partner to babysit your children would you give ex their number so that he could check up on them as and when he wanted? Personally I think to ask for his partners number is a bit controlling, it’s hard but you need to accept ex has parental responsibility and can make decisions about who can look after his DC in the same way you can and that he’s able to parent in his own way. The decisions he makes for the children may not always be what you would do but you can’t sit at home telling him or people he’s asked to babysit what to do and how to do it.

Obviously if you have genuine concerns for the children’s care and wellbeing and think they are at risk then you would be sensible to speak to social services, but you can’t expect to be able to control what happens when they have contact with their Dad anymore than you’d expect him to be texting you and giving you instructions around their care.

Pilot12 Sun 15-Dec-19 11:47:26

Tell your ex that you want to meet his new partner. This is not an unreasonable request if your children are spending time with her. Can you go round for a cup of coffee with her? Yes of course you should exchange numbers, so that she can call you if she can't get hold of him.

amIaweirdo Sun 15-Dec-19 11:53:52

No she doesn't have Facebook. Honestly if she did, I'd just have messaged her by now. He hasn't been on a few hours now, I feel like he might be a bit hmm when I ask for her number.

JKScot4 Sun 15-Dec-19 11:56:44

If your child is still in nappies, I’ll take a guess she’s a fairly new gf, how well do the kids know her? I’d be annoyed at the lack of care at leaving DC unchanged for 12 hours.

amIaweirdo Sun 15-Dec-19 12:00:24

He's been with her for over a year now, kids are 3, 6 and 7. 3 year old DS is not in nappies during the day, but wears a pull up at night. Kids know her well and like. But would like to remind her to take his nappy off, ask what they're eating/doing/how they are. I wouldn't say anything if he was only got for an hour or two, but it's 12pm now and he's been gone since morning and won't be back til evening

LolaDabestest Sun 15-Dec-19 12:02:09

So go fetch them they are there to see their dad not spend hours with his gf what's the point?

sexandthecityreviver Sun 15-Dec-19 12:04:30

Do not go get them! I'm sorry but your overreacting, you know your kids like her and they wouldn't of been left with her if your ex didn't trust her. Enjoy your child free day!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss Sun 15-Dec-19 12:11:12

I’d only expect contact if there was a problem. Why do you need to know why they are doing or eating?

aveenos Sun 15-Dec-19 12:12:12

how old are the DC?

Shoxfordian Sun 15-Dec-19 12:12:27

Why is it her responsibility? She's not their parent

MyMajesty Sun 15-Dec-19 12:12:47

I'd ask for her number and send a friendly text saying just to ask if she's not sure about anything re the kids.

After all, it sounds like the ex isn't very available for her to contact just now.

Wakaranaihito Sun 15-Dec-19 12:13:08

I'd ask for her number and also for him to give her yours at the same time. In the spirit of cooperation it is best to do this like it is a normal thing.

"As she's looking after them would you mind giving her my number just in case, and can I have hers in case of emergency please?"

Then you can introduce yourself over text and just give a few pointers, wish her luck and say you are on the end of the phone if she needs anything.

Starting off open handed is always a good idea. Assume the best, prepare for the worst.

aveenos Sun 15-Dec-19 12:13:27

missed the update re age. Just leave it. if they know and like her and you have ex on WhatsApp, I would enjoy a free Sunday rather than worrying.

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