Please help me see reason and save my weekend(34 Posts)
So full disclosure I have recently been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I've started my first grad job which has exacerbated all the symptoms I've been experiencing for years. I feel really out of my depth - not used to being the only woman on a team.
Earlier today I was on a team skype call and fluffed my opening line (basically I was just saying hello but had a very sharp cramping pain due to being on my period and could barely get a word out). I keep replaying this over and over in my mind. Very important people heard me being incapable.
I know what I would tell my sister if she was obsessing like this but i am currently extremely self-critical and catastrophise everything. I'm worried I'm going to feel shit and beat myself up over this one little thing all weekend.
@motmormal I can promise you you are the only person who will have noticed or have given this a second (or 185th) thought about this. Not because you don’t matter, just because meh it’s not important. Don’t worry! I have fluffed up so many openers or more important bits and it just doesn’t register. Do not sit there worrying. I know that’s easier said than done. Unless you started the meeting but dropping to the floor and screaming OH FUCK MY WOMB MY WOMB you’re fine x
"I stubbed my toe/caught hand on edge of desk/whatever"
Why would anyone care? Honestly. I'd be surprised if they even noticed or were paying attention on the call yet/if at all.
Well don't, honestly, not a single person who may or may not have heard will be thinking anything of it and neither should you.
Go, lie on your bed, allow yourself the next 15 minutes to think about and tell yourself you are next allowed to think of it again at 7pm on Sunday. Each time it pops into your head, put it into a mode of transport (car, plane rocket, whatever!!!) and send it off, tell it it can only come back on Sunday at 7pm. On Sunday, if you remember 😉 then you're allowed a further 10 minutes.
I use this technique a lot and it does work if you're strict with yourself
Your anxiety is lying to you.
Always remember that
I know it's easier said than done but try and forget about it. Your colleagues will have done already . Too much else to think about at this time of year. It's normal to feel out of your depth when you start a new job. Give yourself time to settle in . Good Luck .
Everyone probably thought it was a problem with the phone line.
People regularly make minor fluffs and errors on skype calls! At least you didn't chatter away whilst on mute - everyone does that at some point and then they do it again and again! I once dialed in late and forgot to tune off the camera and everyone got to see my in my PJs! A friend of mine forgot to mute and did a big burp.
Thanks, everyone for responding, hearing other people dismiss my nonsense is taking the edge off my anxiety already. I just cringe over everything I do these days and it's exhausting.
The first 10 mins of every conference call I'm on is people talking without realizing they're on mute, their dogs barking, asking 'can you see my screen? What about now?' or redialing in because their audio is bad. Nobody will remember this tomorrow, I promise.
Literally no one will ever be giving that a thought....
Feeling slightly better, hopefully people thought there was a connection fail. I was really paranoid my headset wasn't muted when I shouted at myself but have checked my audio settings and think I got away with it.
Honestly no-one gives a shit. They're not looking or listening to you, they don't care.
What everyone else says, motmormal. This is your first graduate job and you are not yet confident - that's quite normal in my experience.
Both i and my mum do this kind of worry. She has a saying , will it matter when im 80?
No so why worry now.
Also have you tried CBT ? I had it i can now recognise the thoughts starting and can cut them off before they spiral.
Give yourself a break and remember that if you are hard working and professional you can work your way through most problems and redeem yourself.
Don't be so hard on yourself, this does not need to be a big setback. It will be fine.
Every single poster has helped calm me done, thank you all so much for taking the time to respond. The prospect of a sleepless night spent worrying was really daunting. Still anxious but not nearly as bad as I was before posting.
Honestly no one would care and on Skype everyone will assume a connection problem. They are a universal issue.
All those things you judge yourself badly for are really of no consequence to anyone else. This is harsh but really they don't care about you enough to judge you. Most people are too busy thinking about themselves to think about you.
Most people have so many Skype calls to remember much about any of them. I know there was one once where someone called in from the bath but I can't tell you any more about it!
OP, I did my first big job interview via Skype. I had a terrible cold and they moved the call earlier at the last minute, meaning I was really stoned on cough syrup. I came downstairs and told my husband that I didn't remember what I had just said and I was probably totally incoherent. I panicked about it for a bit and then went to sleep.
I got the job the next day.
There is an excellent line in Schitt's Creek (fabulous tv show, must watch), where the ex-celebutante sister tells her anxious brother: "Nobody cares...Trust me, people aren't thinking about you the way that you're thinking about you."
I find it very, very helpful when I'm overthinking things.
I trained someone years ago to be a public speaker. I know what I'm talking about... I saw him speak a couple of years ago. He was nervous, shaking, stumbled over lines. But he's fantastic at his job and I got him to the point he could speak at conferences to hundreds of people.
I was in an entirely unrelated meeting recently talking about his area of expertise. I said something about it and a very high up executive said, "OMG have you heard about Kevin, he's amazing, I saw him speak at [place]?" I said <smug> that I trained him. She was suitably impressed.
Did she remember the nerves or shaking or stumbling? If I'd hauled her into a Court she would have said he was eminently professional. Because no one gives a tiny shot about nerves. If you're nice, and professional, they remember that.
@motmormal YANBU to feel sad about this or to feel stressed by it. However, I agree most would not notice. They were too busy wondering if they can get away in time to get a coffee before the canteen gets busy/what the hell to buy their mum for Christmas/how many calories were in the donuts etc!
In the nicest possible way, do you think you may need to get help if these feelings persist?
I had CBT on the NHS for anxiety and it worked brilliantly. If you cannot get this on the NHS you may need to pay but you can, if you choose to, address it. I am aware you may have tried this, so do not despair and you could try a different talking therapy if you think it will help you.
Anyone else could easily have fluffed their lines! They could have had a cough or tickle in the throat or let out a giant sneeze at an inappropriate moment. The difference is other people would dismiss it and move on.
If you are a bit of an anxious or obsessive person (as I can be!) you obsess about it. You need to learn to un-obsess about it. It can be done.
Good luck in your new job.
And brilliant advice on this thread, some very wise words.
@Nancydrawn I was wondering about watching 'Schitt's Creek', is it worth a look?
PS OP my advice re talking therapies is based on the fact you said you were diagnosed with ' anxiety and depression' (which my teenage daughter has); not based on this on incident at work.
@Italiangreyhound WATCH IT RIGHT NOW. You can thank me later. Effusively.
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