To think my 'friend' is odd?(59 Posts)
Ok so I have name changed for this, but please bare with me.
I'm going to call this friend Susan, just so I don't slip up with her real name.
So I met Susan through a medical professional. We both have a medical condition (quite common, one in 103 people have it, don't want to say in case it's too outing) and Susan's Dr told her about how she had looked after a patient (me) who was 'inspiring' 'helpful' and very 'knowledgeable' about said condition. Dr asked if I was happy to talk to her as Susan was very isolated, had lost her job, didn't have any friends etc so I said yeah why not, here's my email. She's 30yo.
She got in touch with me and I really liked Susan, she showed interest in how I have managed to keep a job, how I am married, own a house. She was really nice, and we got talking more and eventually I said she could text me.
So that brings us to today.
I get daily texts off her that are sometimes ok, she'll say 'It's your favourite type of weather today' (Cold crisp mornings-LOVE them!)
'Hows DH getting on at work?' you know normal things.
Then she started to say 'I think I need to go on X drug that you're on' and I'm like 'But you said you were doing OK, why do you need to go on X drug?'
And Susan will be all like 'Well I think I might be going downhill again and that drug works for you' and then she'll contact me again saying she's spoken to the Dr and they asked her symptoms and she told them the symptoms I have and weird shit like that.
Then sometimes if I reply and don't out a 'X' on the end of a text she says weird stuff like 'I don't like it when you don't put a kiss it makes me feel like I have annoyed you' and she will message me at like 1am with things like 'Do you ever feel like you're so alone and that people are so lucky to not have medical problems' and 'Do you ever get depressed and think what's the point?' 'Someone at the shop today started talking to me about X condition and she thinks she has it really hard but has she seen us and what we go through' it's like she's looking to please me or something, and I just don't know what to do??
AIBU to want to block her number? I probably haven't given enough info but does she sound odd to you too?
She also asks me things like when did you lose your vaginity or when did you have your first kiss.
This isn't a joke btw this is deadly serious and I need your advise haha
Yes she does sound odd. Try to start to phase her out. Don’t reply as often or as quickly. I’d be worried that blocking her might make her try and find other ways to reach you.
She also asks me things like when did you lose your vaginity or when did you have your first kiss I had a cousin 5 years older who would ask shit like this. She was socially awkward as fuck
as in she never left the house she lived her life by prying on others and filled the narrative just like susans doing.
I would block her without a second thought.
Oh dear, she's latched on. Time to establish some firm boundaries.
Or feel free to block her if you'd prefer.
Wtf your doctor told her about you? I’d be fuming. Wtf was your dr thinking?!?!?
And yes you should definitely block her if she’s annoying you.
@Sunflower20 yeah it's a difficult situation re: Dr. Basically I am a writer for a company and organisation and the Dr thought I'd be helpful for this pt as I am not only a patient myself, but also know a lot about medicine, and I like to think I am very easy going and non judgmental but she is really weirding me out, but I don't think the Dr actually knew how (I want to say obsessive) Susan is??
@SoleBizzz I was thinking she was lonely, and she has started saying she wants to get a job like mine and how great it would be to work with me etc , I'm like 'we have no vacancies' and I feel so bad!! But what can I say??
I'm worried she will see a job going (I work for the NHS) and she knows what hospital I work at, she could end up bloody working in my department my god
@TheCanyon it's such a weird thing to ask someone, but that socially awkward thing really fits Susan
@Lampan really good advise thank you, I don't want to fuel her and make her angry by completely blocking her. I haven't replied to her last 5 messages so I am hoping she gets the point and stops texting today at least
Sounds like she’s struggling with the health condition and is also lonely.
@Elbeagle I help her with the condition and she says how amazing she feels and how I have made her feel normal again and less isolated, and I always answer any questions she has, then after a few days it's like she needs that attention again so she will say she's had more problems, or the meds are making her feel bad, but then two days later she'll say 'It's great I haven't had any problems for x amount of months now' and she reverts back to being well . It's just such an odd situation
She's lonely and has lost/never found the art of socialising.
I'd probably continue to be nice but only reply when it suited me. I'd also point her in the direction of support groups. She sounds like she needs more people in her life.
I feel sorry for Susan. She sounds like she's probably very lonely, possibly shy and socially awkward and doesn't know how to make and keep friends.
I wouldn't block her but just keep it casual and not answer the too personal questions.
Are there any local support groups for the condition you could introduce her to? Just trying to think of ways you could transfer her attention elsewhere.
@Fizzypoo that's another thing, I run a support group and invited her and she came and said everyone was weird. But they're all very ordinary, working people with the same disability.
@SittingAround1 I feel sorry for Susan too but it's been so difficult but I'm glad you're all responding as it's guiding me as to what the right thing to do is. I have never been in this situation before so it's ever so hard to know what the best thing is.
@Sandra2010 I run one locally and she came once and said everyone was weird, but they genuinely are very normal people. I asked for some feedback as to whether there was anything I could do to move forward and she said 'No it's a lovely group but the people are weird'. Monthly there are around 20 regularly and 5 or so new people each time, it's a big group and honestly they are all your everyday kind of working man. There are 2 quirky individuals but they're nice enough
She has definitely latched on to you, and yes sounds lonely or socially awkward. I would wait a while before answering her texts, and maybe not reply to them all, and hopes she backs off a bit. I suspect you may be her only friend.
She's lonely and looking for s friend and some attention that's all. Probably quite socially anxious. Just try to support her as much as you feel comfortable.
They probably do feel odd to her. She's not in a comfortable position to feel socially confident. This will lead to her projecting her 'weirdness' onto them first. She may have even been called weird in the past and so thinks if she says it about them to you, the two of you will become closer.
I'd be nice to her but with boundaries.
Why is your doctor so shit with boundaries?
Susan is not a good friend for you. Do not be controlled by her and her needs. In order to stay in touch with her, if you want to, you need to get firm and clear about your own boundaries.
It sounds to me as though she wants to be you. I think she probably envies your life.
What's the biscuit for
Remember, you are not responsible for Susan. You're going to get a lot of smuggoes ordering you to 'be kind' but it is not your job to look after her and provide her with unlimited attention. It's not uncommon for socially awkward people to want to latch on to an individual, rather than join a group or widen their social network, and it's hard lines on the person they decide is going to be their everything. You can stay kind but set boundaries and distance yourself.
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