Am I being unreasonable to still be upset? He treated me and my home like shit and kissed my friend. Something happened when he was away on a work trip but he swears it wasn't sex. He was messaging the gorl afterwards though, but he didnt after i found out. I was pregnant with our second at the time.
We broke up (he left me! ) for a few months and got back together when i had our baby. Conveniently he became interested again as soon as i stopped caring about him.
I was and still am incredibly hurt but the problem is he has been a model partner since the split. Wd have had our ups and downs but he generally puts me and the kids first now.
If i had met him after the break he would be the one. The amazing husband. Perfect life partner. But he wrecked it by fucking me over for the first few years of our relationship.
I dont really care if he only came back for the children, because i did too. And we have grown and worked hard to make things work well and have a nice life.
We are currently pregnant again, and in the process of looking for our first house to buy.
But i have this crippling fear that it is all too good to be true and he showed me his true colours years ago and has been hiding ever since.
I dont want to leave him because i love the man he is now, and we were really young when we met and quite young when i fell pregnant. He was my first ever boyfriend.
He says that he was young and stupid and he is embarrassed by his actions. We still talk about it sometimes but he can't tell me why he messed me around and treated me so appallingly.
He gave his parents rent and cleaned up after himself before we moved into together and had a baby. So its not like i went with a slob who needed to grow up. He regressed and became selfish when we moved in together. But i fell pregnant very quickly and so i was stuck.
If he treated me even half as badly as how he used to now i would up and leave immediately.
This was almost a decade ago. He has been on the straight and narrow.
He comes home from work nd will tidy up the kids bedroom before making dinner. He'll tell me to go to bed for a nap if i say i feel tired. He buys me treats from the shop or if he goes to a kfc for lunch at work he'll get me a wrap or something small and save it for me (kfc was my only non nausiating food in first trimester) and he even stands up for me if his family make digs. Which was a big source of tension pre split.
We go on days out and to the park most days as a family, unless hes working really late.
He hasnt been on a night out since last xmas and he has started saving.
All of this were on the list of things we argued about and he changed every single thing. I feel comfortable and happy with him 99% of the time but every now and then someone will cheat on tv or ill read a LTB thread on mumsnet and it will all come flooding back.
I was up last night until nearly 3am crying my eyes out. I messaged him and told him how i was feeling and he called and appologised (again) but it isnt enough. He said 'you do realise i am the same person i was then? I cant change anything i did back then even though i wish i could'
And it hit me like a tonne of bricks. There is nothing he can ever say that will stop the hurt. Nothing he can ever do that will stop me cryong randomly in the middlw of the night because i thought about it.
Has anyone ever 'got over' cheating and bad spousal behaviour? Does it ever stop hurting? Almost 10 years on and i still feel sad enough to cry for hours and hours. Not every night but maybe once or twice a year. And i am worried about feeling like it forever. Especially as we are soon to have another baby and a new home to deal with.
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AIBU?
Still upset with DH for behaviour years ago.
95 replies
Tookseveralnamechanges · 13/12/2019 09:37
OP posts:
Am I being unreasonable?
182 votes. Final results.
POLL
You are being unreasonable
74%
You are NOT being unreasonable
26%
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