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AIBU why do women have more than 2 children

(301 Posts)
Gin96 Mon 09-Dec-19 12:45:41

2 children, Now we have the benifit cap? I see so many women struggling after having baby number 3 after the cut off date in 2017. I don’t agree with the cap but it is what it is. Men should pay towards their children but i’m afraid a lot don’t and it’s left on the shoulders of women. Why do women put themselves in this vulnerable position?

Bluebutterfly90 Mon 09-Dec-19 12:48:59

YABU. Stay out of other peoples uteri. It's not your business.

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 09-Dec-19 12:49:18

Women dont put themselves in this vulnerable position. Irresponsible men and a state that doesnt give a fuck about the most vulnerable in society have put women and children in this position.

MonteStory Mon 09-Dec-19 12:49:22

Very good.

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Mon 09-Dec-19 12:49:46

Huh? Not everyone is on benefits and single hoping that the dads will ‘pay their way’....

GhostHoward Mon 09-Dec-19 12:51:22

I assume you don't mean the people who can afford three + children, without help?

I've been on benefits before, with three children (all born well before 2017), as when my husband left me, I was a SAHM with only a part time job (I've since worked to become full time and no longer get state handouts, but was incredibly grateful for them when I needed them).

It's hard, and I don't want to judge, but when you see a family with 7 very young children, with neither parent working, it's hard not to wonder what they were thinking (As seen in an article I read yesterday). Unfortunately it's the poor children that lose out, so wondering doesn't help anyone.

ScreamingValenta Mon 09-Dec-19 12:51:37

I don't agree with people (intentionally) having larger families because of the environmental impact.

However, as regards your argument, some people will be able to afford a larger family despite the benefit cap, and not all women are financially dependent on men, so YABU.

isabellerossignol Mon 09-Dec-19 12:52:20

I think the answer is because biology dictates that women are the ones to bear children. Therefore unless a woman declines to ever have sex during her childbearing years, there is always a risk of pregnancy, even if contraception is used.

Baguetteaboutit Mon 09-Dec-19 12:52:30

Are you suggesting that women have children to access benefits and ergo, the third child isn't worth the hassle?

Goodnightjude1 Mon 09-Dec-19 12:52:41

What about women that have 3 children whilst in a loving, happy, stable relationship then their partner leaves.....?’s not your business why people do/don’t have 3 children or 100.

MatildaTheCat Mon 09-Dec-19 12:54:13

Because we don’t live under a dictatorship which polices how many children we can have? And most families aren’t claiming benefits?

steff13 Mon 09-Dec-19 12:55:46

I've never been on benefits, and I earn about 3x what my STBX husband does. So I'm not relying on him for anything.

However, I can tell you that I had three kids because that's how many viable pregnancies I had.

Andysbestadventure Mon 09-Dec-19 12:55:58

@GhostHoward I read that too yesterday, though sadly not surprising for the area they are in. (I'm from/in Liverpool before anyone thinks I'm bashing it, just the area they're in is a total hellhole).

happycamper11 Mon 09-Dec-19 12:59:44

But a great number of the people affected aren't hoping the dad steps up, the dad will be living in the home and working hard. The benefit cap applies to those families too. The way you word it seems like you think it's just single parents

charm8ed Mon 09-Dec-19 13:00:16

I can have have as many DC as I like. I don’t rely on benefits or claim child benefit.

Venger Mon 09-Dec-19 13:00:32

Women dont put themselves in this vulnerable position. Irresponsible men and a state that doesnt give a fuck about the most vulnerable in society have put women and children in this position


Regardless of what you think about the parents, the children aren't to blame and austerity harms the most vulnerable in our society.

flirtygirl Mon 09-Dec-19 13:03:15

If it's unreasonable to have more than 2 children then it's unreasonable to have less than 8 children.

The point is its no ones business how many children pp have. What is everyone's business is sorting out the maintenance that never gets paid and why some people do have extra kids on benefits that are ever dwindling. However these people are statistically tiny but the media loves to find them and use them as an example, when actually the vast majority of people having children do not fit into this group.

Elbeagle Mon 09-Dec-19 13:04:47

Because not everyone needs benefits?

RaininSummer Mon 09-Dec-19 13:09:45

Most sensible people probably do not consider the benefit cap when planning a child as if you were already on benefits why would you choose to have a third child and if you are not on benefits then you would think about whether you could afford it or not surely? This would be sensible people (or people caught in a terrible dilemma re 3rd child pregnancy). Non sensible people sometimes just make more babies anyway regardless of financial considerations.

PracticallySpeaking Mon 09-Dec-19 13:12:15


Because they want 3 children!

China’s one-child policy ring no bells to you?

Bluebutterfly90 Mon 09-Dec-19 13:13:30

Also OP because there is no easy solution to this sort of thing? Unless we want a China like 2 child policy or to go around sterilising the poor.
Or should we just be tut tutting forever at people with more than 2 kids in case they ever claimed a benefit?

Gin96 Mon 09-Dec-19 13:14:27

Nobody can rely on someone staying with you, anyone can end up on benefits. I know a lot of single mums who have met a new partner, decided to have another baby, relationship doesn’t last and now the poor Mum has another child she doesn’t get any support for.

TreeTopTim Mon 09-Dec-19 13:15:24

I know someone who has a lot of children. She likes babies. Her kids are fed but that's about it. A lot of the children's basic needs are not met. I sort of feel sorry for the children.

TheQueef Mon 09-Dec-19 13:16:06

Contrary to government propaganda women don't have babies for benefits.
Where are you from the 1980's?

Littlecaf Mon 09-Dec-19 13:16:37

Because they are bonkers, tbh. grin

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