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To be crying my eyes out now that i finally know what is "up" with me?

(100 Posts)
Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Dec-19 02:43:55

Long story short, me & mum have done a fair bit of research and we are going to push for a diagnosis of ADHD/ADD on myself.
Ive got so many waves of emotions right now, mainly relief that finally theres an acknowledgement that there is fucking something that is holding me back all these years. And that this thing isnt necessarily a bad thing, just a difference.
Im mid 30's & i know for sure that if i was a primary school child today this would have been picked up on as a matter of course.
Ive struggled all my life wondering what the fuck is wrong with me and why i cant concentrate & why i cant progress despite A grade exams when (no offence) seemingly illiterate people seem to have it all together.
I feel like i finally have a hope at my life starting again.
Im sorry if this is rather incoherant. If anyone has any words of wisdom, advice or support i would appreciate it very much as i feel that a tidal wave of emotions i have been supressing for so long has finally burst the dam.

StartupRepair Mon 09-Dec-19 02:49:19

Knowledge is power. I'm sure it's really normal to feel grief for the little child you were who was not understood or supported. Take some time now to think about what support you need now and how you would like things to be from now on.

Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Dec-19 02:58:22

@startuprepair

Thank you. Maybe that is why i am crying so much. As some of the horrendous emotions i felt when i was younger, eating disorders and self harm could have been prevented but the past is the past and i can only learn and move forward.

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 09-Dec-19 03:02:00

i know for sure that if i was a primary school child today this would have been picked up on as a matter of course.

My DD has it and although it's been 'picked up' nothing has been done. She still struggles and the issues don't go away. You know now, that's great. Live moving forward. Believe me when I tell you it's still not easy.

Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Dec-19 03:06:43

Thanks @MrsTerryPratchett

I hope your daughter gets the support she deserves xx

Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Dec-19 03:08:09

Also, apologies for my drunken posting, id had a good bit of a bottle of red when i posted blush

Helpfullilly Mon 09-Dec-19 03:10:15

It's lovely that you feel you have discovered a potential answer to these questions around why you are different. However, it's okay to grieve what you missed out on as much as looking ahead to opportunities available to you now you have increased understanding. It's hard, but try to honour your feelings and hold both aspects in balance.

I'm dyslexic myself but have known since childhood, so it's been a different sort of experience, but I know people who have found out they are neurodiverse as adults. It's been a bit of an emotional roller-coaster for some of them.

I see neurodiversity as gift and curse, there are wonderful things about it, seeing and experiencing differently (I would not want to change it in myself). But pain is also part of it. The world has not been created with us in mind, and as such there are more barriers, and your ability to make the most of any abilities can depend a lot on if you have a well to do and supportive family. There can be issues with self esteem and over compensating by leaning too far into bigging yourself and your differences up. It's good to enjoy who you are, but don't ignore your weaknesses or the bad parts, if you ignore them they are harder to do something about. You will disadvantage yourself... try to accept all of who you are (not an easy thing to do, but worth working towards I think).

The more you know about yourself and how you work (and sometimes don't) the more power you have to make changes and get to where you want to be. It can make you a more resilient person, a better problem solver and I think it's given me greater empathy.

I am excited for you, and welcome to the neurodiverse family.

Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Dec-19 03:16:20

@helpfullily

Thank you smile i think my floods of tears are more than anything right now just a release of emotions. Ive had to learn the very hard way about a lot of things over the years and i am hoping that going forward i will be equipped with tools that will help me handle my life better going forward. I dont want to change any of us. Vive la difference, as they say. It feels like a lightswitch has been flicked on and now i now there is nothing "wrong" with me. Im just a little different thats all.

Thank you all so much for easing my emotional mind.

Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Dec-19 03:18:06

But pain is also part of it.

This. I wouldnt change the irrational continual pain i feel for the beauty and joy i intensely feel at things other people shrug at smile

Gingerkittykat Mon 09-Dec-19 03:19:57

I don't mean to discourage you but what do you think an adult diagnosis will give you? I know one person who was diagnosed privately around the same age as you and as ADHD meds are not licensed on the NHS for adults spends a small fortune on them.

I can understand that you want your experiences validated though, I'm going through a similar process with an autism assessment, I guess I know the official diagnosis makes no difference to who I am but I still want it in black and white.

Helpfullilly Mon 09-Dec-19 03:24:37

I don't think most neurotypical people realise how hard it can be to live with a neurological difference. To be constantly trying to be something you are not because you need to do so in order to fit in, get the grade, achieve in life.

You are not alone though, and you are not broken. The world needs people who are different. That's one of the most important things anybody has ever said to me.

Bluerussian Mon 09-Dec-19 03:31:48

Wavescrashing, I understand exactly what you mean. I also diagnosed myself as ADD (not ADHD, hardly hyper), many years ago. I'm quite classic. Nobody understood, I was called 'lazy' because I had a fairly high IQ, it was very painful. Now I accept how I was and it's extremely releasing. In a modest way I managed to achieve a fair bit and pleased about that, I no longer feel bad or inferior about not achieving more. Plus there are other things in life.

I hope everything works out for you and well done. Knock the booze on the head though, I'm sure you don't make a habit of it but it really doesn't help.

flowers

Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Dec-19 03:33:18

I don't mean to discourage you but what do you think an adult diagnosis will give you?

I genuinely dont know, i suppose like you say it is validation. I dont particularly want, or feel that i need, medication (however if that is the case i would try it and see if it adds anything of benefit to my life). But i feel i would hopefully be better equipped to deal with myself and who i am and perhaps deal with my life in a more constructive manner than i have in the past.

arethereanyusernamesleftatall Mon 09-Dec-19 03:35:16

ADHD meds are not licensed on the NHS for adults spends a small fortune on them

That's not true.

I get ADHD meds on the NHS.

Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Dec-19 03:35:35

@Bluerussian

Thank you and yes you are so right. I am generally a better, more rational person etc when i stick to eating healthy, exercising and avoiding drink. Tonight is just a one off. Back to the gym tomorrow with a positive frame of mind smile

Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Dec-19 03:38:17

I was called 'lazy' because I had a fairly high IQ, it was very painful

I know this feeling oh so well. 1 A*, 5 A's, 3 B's and a C and i can barely hold jobs down for any period before i implode blush

lifecouldbeadream Mon 09-Dec-19 03:41:43

DC has a diagnosis for this reason.

I don’t think diagnosis has made any difference to the way it’s managed, but it does mean that in years to come that DC will be left wondering why some things are hard for them.

I think it is all about finding the right thing for you. I read the other day that lots of comedians are ADD/ADHD and v. successful and IRL I know one man with a definite diagnosis which has led him to a career path which he’s fantastic at, precisely because of his diagnosis. It’s about finding the right role to allow you to be yourself, not try to fit into a box that isn’t the right shape for you.

Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Dec-19 03:43:02

You are not alone though, and you are not broken. The world needs people who are different.

We need this on billboards. Everywhere.

Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Dec-19 03:44:54

@lifecouldbeadream

I think that is what i am perhaps hoping to gain from this.. to find somewhere i can flourish instead of drowning smile

lifecouldbeadream Mon 09-Dec-19 03:54:27

It’s outdoorsy working with children, not constrained to a desk if that helps at all.

Helpfullilly Mon 09-Dec-19 03:54:36

I know several adults who get meds for ADD/ADHD via the NHS.

The diagnosis can open doors to other support and even legal protection, as you'd be covered by the Equality Act 2010. If you struggle with staying in employment due to ADD/ADHD challenges, have you heard about Access to Work?

They help fund and provide equipment to enable disabled people (including those under the neurodiverse umbrella) to stay in employment, as well as giving support in other ways such as advice. The Equality Act also means it's harder to end your employment as you would have a recognised protected characteristic. If you inform employers they need to make reasonable work place adjustments for you or they face a potential costly employment tribunal claim.

Plus certain entitlements to support in adult/higher education in some instances. I personally found this to be better than what is available in childhood.

There are some specialist employment agencies, too, who want to get neurodiverse people into supportive companies.

You'll find your place, it just takes time.

lborgia Mon 09-Dec-19 03:59:06

Well ADD medicine changed my bloody life, so I think it's something for ADD people to explore, and decide on.

It's not "just" a diagnosis. It's an opportunity to do something about it.

Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Dec-19 04:10:08

@lifecouldbeadream

I go bananas working full time in an office. Ive managed to get a part time office job and the job im hoping to take off more in the new year is one that takes me around my local area in more stimulating environments.

@Helpfullilly
I kinda dug my own grave by being bullheaded and not seeking support when i badly needed it, & got myself into a fair bit of debt as a result. Im on the upward now though smile. The line of work im moving towards does have a higher percentage of none neurotypical people though, & im so happy i took a risk at jumping at a risky opportunity to progress further in this field (media & tv).

@lborgia
Thank you. Exactly. Its about opening doors to potential opportunities & choices.

Thank you all so much. I feel so much calmer now.

Helpfullilly Mon 09-Dec-19 04:25:22

I am glad you feel calmer now, and the creative industries are great for neurodiverse people, so I think media/TV is a brilliant choice.

Wavescrashingonthebeach Mon 09-Dec-19 04:45:42

@helpfullilly
Thank you so much smile and from the taster of the area of this industry i have experienced, you have hit the nail on the head. I will sleep easier tonight and re read this all again in the morn. Its been such a massive help, every comment. Best wishes to all of you xx

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