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For giving cheques not cash

(122 Posts)
RobynsMama Sun 08-Dec-19 12:41:06

I have a lot of cousins with kids and I like to give them a gift at Christmas. They live quite a distance from me and I don’t like getting gifts that are unwanted/won’t be used to I usually send money but in a cheque with the child’s name on it. I know it’s then gone into the child’s account, and less likely to get lost in the post etc.

These cheques always get deposited fine so there ls no issue there, all the kids have their own savings accounts etc. But I got this text today from one of my cousins and i just found it quite rude but I wanted to see if I’m overreacting.

“Hi,
I know you always give the kids money at Christmas and we really appreciate it but do you think you could just send cash not cheques this year, it’s a bit old fashioned and cash just makes it easier for the kids to spend it on what they want. Thanks!”

The kids are 5 and 2 so I understand the 5 year old maybe wants to actually go out and spend the money but not the 2 year old surely? I’m just worried it’ll go into her purse and the kids won’t have it then. I know she can get money out of the kids bank accounts to spend if she wants to but giving cash just seems a sure fire way to just give it straight to her.

For background, this cousin has form for borrowing money and not paying it back, has been in arrears with her rent but still finds money to go out clubbing and on holiday (without her kids) which is why I stuck with cheques even though other when my DD was born my family tend to put cash in cards for Christmas and birthdays (I’m the only one that does cheques)

I don’t want to stop giving gifts, but I’m honestly thinking about just saving money for them now (just the same amount as the other kids get) and gifting it when they turn 18. It seems like much less hassle but then I’ll be seen as a Scrooge, bc the other kids in my family will still be getting cheques at Christmas. I don’t know what to do for the best 😩

leiaskye Sun 08-Dec-19 12:42:54

Perhaps you could send vouchers instead for a toy shop?

You can buy online to avoid sending through the post.

RobynsMama Sun 08-Dec-19 12:43:34

I hadn’t thought of vouchers actually! fblush

DuchessofWoke Sun 08-Dec-19 12:44:46

Just buy toys. They’re young, it’s easy to be for that age group. Do a bit of googling, ask on here. You can’t go wrong with 2 and 5 year olds.

GunpowderGelatine Sun 08-Dec-19 12:45:07

I don't mind cheques but only because I have an app that I can use to cash them, I would find it a tremendous PITA to have to go to town to put in the bank, and as I never need to go to town I'd have to make a specific trip with the kids. So I see their point. Just send cash!

SummerPavillion Sun 08-Dec-19 12:45:49

YANBU. You could ignore her (rude) message. Or you could just say it's easier for you, and keep repeating that if necessary.

Lulualla Sun 08-Dec-19 12:45:56

They're your cousin's children... it's really not your place to start savings for them all to hand over when they turn 18.
Just send vouchers.

Batqueen Sun 08-Dec-19 12:47:00

Vouchers are a great idea. Cheques are a bit of a faff so I can see her point but also see why you wouldn’t want to just give her cash!

YouFellAsleeep Sun 08-Dec-19 12:47:10

I would just send cash. As you said, if she really wanted to, she could still just take the money once the cheque has cleared. Maybe they want to take the kids shopping in the Boxing Day sales so would be handy to have the cash right away. The only way to truly avoid the mother pocketing the cash is to send toys/books rather than money.

Mrscog Sun 08-Dec-19 12:47:39

I would do vouchers (maybe one of those ones where you can spend at 100's of shops) or just ask for their bank details and do a bank transfer into their accounts.

It's cheeky of her to say but to be honest if I got a check I would think 'blummin hell now I've got to go to a bank'!

Ffsnosexallowed Sun 08-Dec-19 12:47:55

Cheques are a pain in the ass for kids. If in their name I have to make time to actually go to their bank to pay in and then withdraw the cash. Not so bad if in my name, I can pay in with the app on my phone. Bank transfer is easiest and safest - but doesn't feel quite right.

Themazeoflife Sun 08-Dec-19 12:48:35

Send an empty card, then when she questions the money, tell her that's why you send cheques so the money does not go missing in the post.

Or ask her for the DC bank details and transfer the money directly if possible.

Obligatorync Sun 08-Dec-19 12:48:51

It's cheeky of them to ask but this morning I drove to a cash machine to get money for a gift because I didn't want to send a cheque as these days they can be a bit of a hassle for the recipient. So I suppose I agree with them a bit.
If you are concerned the kids won't be allowed to keep the money, that's a different issue. Or if you want it for their savings. I have the account details for my goddaughter and pay in direct but she's only little so I always get stuff to open as well...I'm rambling but yes I'd say cash or widely accepted vouchers would be best.

IdiotInDisguise Sun 08-Dec-19 12:49:29

I absolutely hate people paying with cheques, thankfully hardly anyone use them for personal stuff these days. Why do people assume the receiver has the time, patience and inclination to make a trip to the city centre, pay parking and walk with kids for blocks to go and cash a £5-10 cheque? (There are no branches in every corner anymore!)

Get them some vouchers and spare the parents the misery of it.

CottonSock Sun 08-Dec-19 12:49:30

Cheques are a pain, my kids don't even have a bank account I could deposit into. Vouchers better bet.

RobynsMama Sun 08-Dec-19 12:50:56

We got cash gifts from family members (even distant ones) at our 18th and 21st birthdays, I think maybe I was thinking more along those lines, but yeah now you’ve said it saving up til their 18 might be weird.

I just don’t like buying plastic tat, and they’re not really the age where they could share a decent wooden toy. I tried clothes one birthday but she text me to ask for the receipt because she has enough clothes and would rather the cash. So I think I’ll go with vouchers as PP’s have suggested.

The Entertainer is the only toy shop we have in town but they’re fairly nationwide aren’t they?

JeezyPeeps Sun 08-Dec-19 12:51:20

business.help.royalmail.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/91/~/sending-valuables%2C-money-%26-jewellery-in-the-uk

I would be wary of sending both cash or vouchers through the post, vouchers are treated as cash and you would have to pay for special delivery to be covered.

Maybe an emailed gift voucher for somewhere that isn't amazon - too much likelihood she'd spend it on herself.

FelixFelicis6 Sun 08-Dec-19 12:51:44

Yes definitely get vouchers

Butchyrestingface Sun 08-Dec-19 12:51:54

Fuck me, she's a cheeky boot. And I'm someone who doesn't think requests for money or specific gifts are remotely rude.

Even aside from your cousin's seeming inability to manage money (nice slant on the situation), if you are sending the gift in a card by post, it's obvious why you would send a cheque and not money.

Online vouchers, but be prepared for her to take the hump at that.

mnahmnah Sun 08-Dec-19 12:52:57

Gift cards for toy shops, so you know they will be spent on the children and not herself

Fr0g Sun 08-Dec-19 12:53:15

I'd be tempted to tell cousing to get lost and not give, but on the premise that you would like to give to the children, and their mothers attitude is not their fault, how about this work around?

Ask for the account details, transfer the money, design a "pretend cheque" - that can either look like a real cheque, or be a christmassy thing, for each child.

rhubarbcrumbles Sun 08-Dec-19 12:53:23

She's being very presumptous isn't she?! Cheques can be a bit of a pain but if that works for whoever is generous enough to send a gift then so be it.

leiaskye Sun 08-Dec-19 12:55:54

I think the entertainer are nationwide, but you can check their website to see if there is one in her town. There’s Smyths too.

Greyhound22 Sun 08-Dec-19 12:55:56

When I rule the world cheques will be banned. The only redeeming feature is that my bank now has an app that allows me to pay them in online up to a certain amount. Before that it was a nightmare to get to an actual branch
- there are none in my village etc - obviously I would be grateful if someone wants to give me money but these are normally government type things.

Surely the parent has Paypal? Can't you just swipe it over? It actually infuriates me that people still use cheques when it is now so easy to ping money to people. She is right it is very old fashioned.

DillyDilly Sun 08-Dec-19 12:57:46

I’d stick with the cheques, especially after you writing about the clothes gift. Much safer to stick a cheque in the post than cash.

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