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for my hv to declare i am depressed??????

(86 Posts)
fawkeoff Wed 22-Aug-07 21:57:21

so my hv comes to visit me today as she has been helping me with routines for dc, and i totally forgot she was coming.she arrived to a messy frontroom a naked toddler and me in my lovely pink dressing gown.I have been having a shitty few days for no particular reason, so she starts telling me i dont seem my normal self (this im aware of) and then start waffling on about going to the gp for medication.I mean ffs can i not have an off day and not have to pretend that im a fuckin stepford mother just because she wants me to.i just think she was wrong to just say that to me so easily

evenhope Wed 22-Aug-07 22:12:44

My HV is the opposite... says I can't be depressed because I can still look forward to things.. let's ignore the totally irrational rage

WinkyWinkola Wed 22-Aug-07 22:47:03

Oooh, no we all have pyjama days. Often! Especially with a newborn. I think it's a great thing. And it's totally justified with a new baby. You enjoy it!

I wasn't out of my pyjamas until 12 today and my baby is 4 months old.

Tell your HV to buzz off. Silly goose.

vacua Wed 22-Aug-07 22:49:40

Suggesting medication for a few off days is ridiculous, even if you were a bit depressed there are lots of other ways of lifting your mood - why doesn't she try to support you in practical ways instead of trying to hit some PND quota?

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House Wed 22-Aug-07 22:50:20

jesus, she'd love to see me, dd wont let me dress her most mornings but hapily takes all her clothes off ds is 9mo and a lot of days if we aint going out or having company (i know of!) then i dont get dressed till at least 11, theres so much other stuff to do!

id ignor her, a lot of hv are useless!

tori32 Wed 22-Aug-07 22:53:13

Absolutely agree Fawkeoff, if anything being all smiles and appearing to have everything perfect after only a few days is much more worrying. When I did my nurse training and went with the HV/ midwives they told me this.
So what if your toddler was naked. mine loves being in the buff!!!

tori32 Wed 22-Aug-07 22:56:24

I agree with vacua, medication is not the first step to helping, practical advice is needed. Even if you did have meds it would be useless over a few days as the effects don't kick in until about 3 weeks after starting them. How are you not your self?

LadyOfTheFlowers Wed 22-Aug-07 22:59:34

both ds' (1yo and 2yo) spent most of yesterday naked and today none of us got dressed as we didnt have to go anywhere! Just stayed in our 'jammies all day.

do i give a monkey's todge-piece? umm......


Rachmumoftwo Wed 22-Aug-07 23:02:35

My HV was desperate to label me as depressed. At DDs check up she asked how I was and I said 'coping', and she said 'oh that's what people say when they are depressed'. I could almost see her rubbing her hands together with glee. I've heard similar from friends, so maybe some HVs keep a tally and get a prize for finding the largest number of depresssed mums? No shame in a PJ day, my DDs are now 4 & nearly 6, and love them!

LadyOfTheFlowers Wed 22-Aug-07 23:10:46

ime it does appear to be an answer for a lot of things.
when they cannot think of anything else to suggest with regards to the kids, they turn to you and tell you they are depressed.

fawkeoff Thu 23-Aug-07 07:13:09

i haven't got a newborn baby lol, my ds is nearly 2, but i was having problems with bedtime routines so i asked my hv to just come round and help me.I just think that she was way out of line,i dont see why i should have to be told i need anti depressants off a woman that has seen me 3 times.I'm not even depressed ffs!!!

flightattendant Thu 23-Aug-07 07:14:22

My HV turns up on the wrong day consistently, I think she's trying to catch me out. She told my Dr. I was depressed even though I always have been and always will be - she asked intrusive questions about my personal life, etc. all with a snide judgmental air.
I rang and asked her not to come any more.
Only to have my Dr. threaten me with antidepressants UNLESS I kept seeing my nasty, nasty HV for 'support'!

I'd rather stick pins in my come I always feel ten times worse after seeing the cow?

Luckily she stayed away this time. God there are some horrid ones about.

fawkeoff Thu 23-Aug-07 07:19:44

the thing is she is really nice and has helped me with my routines with dc, but i frgot she was coming actually so i just was not in the mood.She has cancelled appoinments with me numerous times without ringing....then thinks its acceptable to put a slip through my door at 5pm after ive waited in all day.

BandofMothers Thu 23-Aug-07 07:28:38

My hv with DD1 was useless. So now I don't pay any attention to them.
I am completely lovely and attentive at visits, then go home and totally ignore what they say, unless it is actually helpful to me.

BTW I don't get washed and dressed until I have to leave the house or someone is coming over, why should I?
And my girls are 3.8 and 1.
I figure next year when DD1 goes to school we will have to be up, ready and out the house by 8:30 <<<<<THUD>>>>> so I am enjoying not having to get ready early while we can.

Don't be afraid of her or intimidated by her just cos she's a HV. Most of them don't even have kids (I know I'm generalising, but none of the ones I've met here have them)
Tell her that you are not depressed, you just didn't fancy rushing around, plus you forgot she was coming.
Since the arrival of DD2 my brain has gone to mush and my memory is AWOL. I would say I forgot.

Anyway, you know you're not depressed, right??

BandofMothers Thu 23-Aug-07 07:32:54

Plus you can request to have a different HV if you want.
I made sure I didn't get the same one for DD2.
Mine for DD1 was awful. She had no interest in her at all. Told me thrush was milk spots at 2 weeks old. Took 3 rounds of antibiotics to get rid of it by the time I went to gp and followed my instinct. She was either late, or didn't show up. Never told me she wasn't going to be there.
I once had to get up early and make a bus trip to get to an appointment on a tuesday.
She wasn't there. I got a letter on the friday saying she wouldn't be able to make it

fawkeoff Thu 23-Aug-07 07:33:08

i definately know im not depressed.....she just really pissed me off with her waffling,and i am going to address it with her next time she comes.Ijust thinkits horrendous for someone to be saying that to a person after 5 minutes walking through the door iyswim.I could have been a person who is very vulnerable and fell to pieces at the thought people thought i needed medication, which had i had a newborn baby and my hormones where everywhere i probably would have done.Why do they think that pills are the answer to everything???????

fawkeoff Thu 23-Aug-07 07:36:52

i know i posted below that i wasn't myself.....had a really long weekend trsvelling to family way down south,then took a journey to france for the day and forgot my pram for it's knocked me for 6 and im just trying to rest.

Spink Thu 23-Aug-07 07:44:17

good on you for wanting to address it with her. just make sure you do it in a very calm and reasoned way or it could be labelled as 'the depression speaking'... This happened to one of my friends, who told the HV where to put her prozac (maybe in quite an emotional way ).. the hv wrote in her notes that she was 'refusing help' and was 'irrational' . my friend refused to see her again and in the end was assigned a new and much nicer hv.

BandofMothers Thu 23-Aug-07 07:44:33

did you tell her that.
FFS what is she superwoman!!!
I am a slobby mum, not re the kids, but with being up and presentable by 9. Why bother if you don't have to.
Gosh when DD2 was little and the HV did the home visits I was usually in my dressing gown. She didn't seem to care
ignore her, stupid woman.

fawkeoff Thu 23-Aug-07 07:48:08

i did tell her this, she was just being a complete toss pot....and i am so going to have her for it, then change my hv.I am not changing before ihave it out with her....shes like a fucking drug pusher.I don't have a problem with medication IF it needed, but what are my grounds!!!

LittleBellatrixLeBoot Thu 23-Aug-07 07:59:15

Gawd, if an HV came round to my place almost any time of the day or night they'd drug me up to the nines. My place is a tip.

It's not because I'm depressed though, it's because I don't like vacuuming or tidying away.

fawkeoff Thu 23-Aug-07 08:05:50

lol....i was actually enjoying my morning on MN before she came and pissed on my parade.

BandofMothers Thu 23-Aug-07 08:12:12

Leboot, me too
I hate cleaning and tidying. My house is small, and cluttered. Not dirty per say, but it could do with a vacuum
I don't have much to do with HV's past the home visits. I go to the milestone visits, but that is all.
If I have any other problem, I come here, or ask my mum.
Fawkeoff, love the name btw
What is the prob with his sleep??
Maybe we can help without feeling the need to drug you,.

BandofMothers Thu 23-Aug-07 08:14:49

At 10 mths, the nursery nurse, not even HV told me that DD2 should not be waking in the night for milk, that she can easily go thru the night without anything, in hot weather.
I said, well if I wake in the night I am thirsty. She thought I should not even offer water. Well sorry, but 7 til 6 is a long time, and she could feasably be hungry and certainly thirsty

I just don't put much stock in them. She didn't have kids btw, so had no idea what telling me to ignore crying is really like.

fawkeoff Thu 23-Aug-07 08:22:35

i have actually got the night routines n order now....but thanks for the offer.she just wanted to see how i was doing, which im very rateful for her help,but i just cannot see how i can let her just go around and declare ppl depressed,if shes saying it to me then she will be saying it to other women.

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