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AIBU?

To regret doing this? What should I do?

175 replies

uahlyaday7 · 07/12/2019 11:08

I've namechanged as I don't want to be outed.

Last night I went out for a drink with my friend. He's gay but he has a daughter from when he was denying that he was gay.

He had a pint and then he started flirting with me. Saying I was sexy etc.

He asked me if I would want to go to his place to watch a film because he didn't want to get drunk. I said yes and he carried on flirting with me. I don't know why but I kissed him and then we ended up sleeping together

I really regret this. And don't know what to do.

I'm going to see him later as im going to my works Christmas party and he said he would come with me if I wanted to go because I didn't want to go alone (im the only single person at work and they are going to bring their partners).

OP posts:

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InACheeseAndPickle · 07/12/2019 11:15

Could you send a text to clear the air? Make it clear you want to keep things platonic from now on.

Sn0tnose · 07/12/2019 11:16

Have you spoken to him since? He might be feeling just as awkward and slightly reluctant to face you.

I think I’d send him a text just saying ‘Well this has got the potential to be very awkward, hasn’t it?! What do you say to just putting it down to a mad moment and pretending it didn’t happen? Hope you’re still on for tonight, definitely up for some dancing to Slade!’

bluebell34567 · 07/12/2019 11:18

agree with @Sn0tnose.

uahlyaday7 · 07/12/2019 11:34

No i haven't spoke to him since. I just don't know why it happened.

OP posts:

Wilmalovescake · 07/12/2019 11:36

Are you male or female?
Could he be bisexual?
Would you be interested in him?

Ken1976 · 07/12/2019 11:36

Could he be bi sexual not gay. ?

AJPTaylor · 07/12/2019 11:40

Well he ain't simply gay is he?

Aycharow · 07/12/2019 11:45

Chalk it up to experience - you must have enjoyed it at the time. Is he someone you would want a relationship with if he was totally straight?

uahlyaday7 · 07/12/2019 11:46

I'm female. I was interested in him but I never told him because I knew he was gay so I moved on. I don't know if hes bisexual.

He's always been protective of me when I got a boyfriend.

OP posts:

SusieOwl4 · 07/12/2019 11:47

Can you explain why you regret it ? Because he’s gay? Because the sex was bad ? Because it might ruin your friendship ? Surely the reason will shape your response ?

SusieOwl4 · 07/12/2019 11:50

It sounds like the message should be

“ not quite sure what happened last night or where I stand ? Can we have a face to face chat ?

Because sounds like you need to talk .

rhubarbcrumbles · 07/12/2019 11:50

What @Sn0tlady said. Send that text and see what reply you get?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 07/12/2019 11:50

Chalk it up to experience - you must have enjoyed it at the time.

Yep. Stuff happens. A good time was had by all (hopefully / presumably).

I'd just carry on as normal.

BrokenWing · 07/12/2019 11:52

I just don't know why it happened

Sounds like it just felt like a good idea in the moment.

What did you say to each other after? Friends should be able to talk to each other. Be brave, make the first move and give him a call. Have a laugh and clear the air, let him know you are ok, be open about it - nothing wrong with saying well I didn't expect that to happen, I got carried away there, or it was a one off never to be repeated. It doesn't need to impact or ruin a friendship.

uahlyaday7 · 07/12/2019 11:54

I regret it because he's gay and I know nothing else can happen and because we are friends.

I will send him a message but we can't see each other until tonight (if he still wants to go). As he's got his DD today that's why he didn't want to get drunk.

OP posts:

ReanimatedSGB · 07/12/2019 11:55

Nearly everyone is at least potentially bisexual TBH. (Please, all of you, don't waste your bandwidth bellowing that you are not. No one cares.) Because we are told that we should form and maintain monogamous relationships, preferably heterosexual ones many people simply don't think much about their potential to be attracted to a range of other people.

What's more important is: did you (and he) have a good time at the time, and were you both enthusiastic participants? If yes, then there really is no harm done. If one of you wants a second bout but the other doesn't, things could get a little awkward, but the awkwardness would pass.
If you both want some more, then good luck and have lots of fun.

JadeDragon23 · 07/12/2019 11:55

I don't know if hes bisexual

I think this is a pretty clear indication that he is

Thelnebriati · 07/12/2019 11:59

He's always been protective of me when I got a boyfriend
That sounds more like possessiveness than protectiveness.
He isn't gay, gay people are exclusively attracted to their own sex. He just doesn't want a relationship.

TheTeethingPoo · 07/12/2019 11:59

Eh?

You got drunk and slept with your ‘gay’ best friend?

My best friend is a gay man and I am a straight women - we have been absolutely pissed together many of times, we’ve seen each other naked, we have no boundaries... but we’ve never slept together because he’s gay and I’m missing quite an important component he would enjoy.

Either he’s bisexual or this is the most ridiculous situation I’ve ever heard

JadeDragon23 · 07/12/2019 11:59

I’m fairly amazed that simply because you’ve mentioned ‘he’s gay’ no one has asked how much you had to drink op.

If this was your straight friend people would be ready to nail him to the mast as a rapist and demanding to know how many units you’d consumed

TheTeethingPoo · 07/12/2019 12:04

Jesus Christ and now not gay man is a rapist

He’s had quite a transformation.

uahlyaday7 · 07/12/2019 12:06

We spoke after and he asked if I enjoyed it but then he asked me to go because It was late.

OP posts:

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category12 · 07/12/2019 12:07

How did you leave it? You had sex and then what?

bluebell34567 · 07/12/2019 12:07

i dont see the big problem here. just send the text what @Sn0tlady said and get over and done with. you making a big issue of it.

CottonSock · 07/12/2019 12:09

As long as you were consensual and enjoying yourself I'd just go with it. Two adults having fun Is not embarrassing. He's obviously not gay.

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