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To think this child needs a specialist school

(304 Posts)
Londongirl86 Sat 07-Dec-19 06:37:25

Hi all. I am concerned about a child at my child's school and her behaviour. A week ago my DD was attacked by this child at lunch. She rubbed food all over her face and punched her in the back. The teacher said she has problems and that doesn't excuse it but she's dealt with.

I went home happy enough and told my DD to keep away from her. Over the last few days two other parents knew straight away at the gates who had hurt her. The reason being their children had also been hurt by this child. She also gets angry in class and they have to evacuate there kids.

My friends child was hurt by this kid Thursday. And apparently she also kicked mine again. so we reported it yesterday morning. She came out of school yesterday and told me this child smacked her drink out her hand and stamped on her friends foot. The teachers said nothing to me after school. My child said she was taken indoors for being naughty.

Through conversation in the playground at least 7 kids have been attacked by her. She has problems and we know she's fostered. She clearly isn't able to cope. What is really upsetting is the teachers allowing her out at lunch to harm others. They said it's hard to watch her. You would think they would be concerned she will put a child in hospital if she kicks or pushes them wrong.

My child's only been at school 2 months. She's still settling. I'm annoyed I'm in a position now where I need to keep having words with the teachers. I don't want to become that annoying mum that's pestering them every day. But I also AM not comfortable with my child being put at risk by a violent child who is struggling.

What should be happening with all this? Surely she should be constantly with an adult or at a specialist school?

Rolypolybabies Sat 07-Dec-19 06:40:05

I would contact the head and be asking questions around safety. How are they keeping your child safe? Focus on this aspect, not the other child directly.

HoneysuckIejasmine Sat 07-Dec-19 06:42:38

In an ideal world, funding would be available to support this child properly - one to one supervision, therapy support etc etc. Poor kid obviously has a lot going on and can't cope with it all by themselves.

But, austerity. Thanks, Tories!

hidinginthenightgarden Sat 07-Dec-19 06:47:49

Yes it sounds like she needs a 1 to 1 but realistically the school will struggle to provide this due to funding. "special schools" are hard to come by and places limited so it isn't as simple as moving schools which will also add to the childs trauma and worsen her behaviour.
I'm sorry for what your daughter is going to. If it were my child I would be upset too, but I would explain to my daughter that this child was hurting on the inside and that everyone was trying to keep her safe and it will get better.
The child is obviously struggling to adjust as many traumatised children in the care system are. I hope it is resolved but in the meantime, please find some empathy for the child who has lost their family, their norm, their safe place and been put in a school and expected to come with yet another transition that she was likely poorly prepared for by her family.

lifecouldbeadream Sat 07-Dec-19 06:51:21

Honestly? As a former Chair if Govs from a school with a similar child..... it was an impossible situation, we were not properly supported by the LA to deal with it, and in spite of the fact that we knew that the child was not in the right environment, nothing we did, or pushed for made the slightest bit of difference to the ultimate outcome, the LA did not have the funds to deal with it appropriately, and certainly the school didn’t.

I know it’s upsetting for you and your child and your priority is your child BUT it’s harder for that child. The fact that they are a Looked after child shows that they’ve not had an easy time of life so far. This type of behaviour can be attachment related, I’ll push you away before you have the chance to do it to me, every time someone steps away because of their behaviour it reinforces the pattern that someone isn’t going to stick around and they aren’t ‘worth’ sticking around for.

There are obviously schools who don’t take this kind of behaviour in hand in the way that parents want, but I will almost guarantee that the school are doing their absolute best with a child who is struggling hard with the kind of challenges of life that most of our children will never (thankfully)know. The school may not be telling you what you want to hear because that child has the right to privacy too and they can’t say much without breaching it.

Mintylizzy9 Sat 07-Dec-19 07:00:53

Are you talking about 4 and 5 year olds? Yes she sounds like she needs extra support and no doubt school will be pushing for that but if she’s only just started in reception this takes time.

I’d be more concerned that it’s public knowledge that she’s fostered and that what sounds like a large group of parents from her class gossiping. Probably best you just speak to school about how they are ensuring your child’s safety than speculate about the other child because they won’t/shouldn’t be sharing any information about her or her support.

Londongirl86 Sat 07-Dec-19 07:03:59

Thanks everyone. I absolutely agree and I've honestly looked at things from that little girls point of view. The trouble is she will eventually push someone so hard they will cut their heads open or loose teeth. It she will kick someone too hard in the stomach.

I don't know how it works but we have five specialist schools where we live. I think there are three types. I don't know about places etc though.

I can't help but think she would be better off home schooled or supported at lunch time and helped to mix.

I do understand confidentiality too but her name's spreading around because it's happening daily. The teacher asked me if people are discussing it at the gates and I said yes because our children are talking about it and have witnessed their friends being hurt. One child was scared to go in yesterday too.its a nightmare but I hope a child doesn't come to serious harmconfused

GobletOfIre Sat 07-Dec-19 07:04:10

Ask the school what they’re doing to keep your child safe. The school has a duty of care to do this.

Don’t focus on the other girl.

Londongirl86 Sat 07-Dec-19 07:05:13

She's 7 but she's harming alot of reception children. Her foster parents stand at the gates that's how people know. They are open about it.

Sparklybaublefest Sat 07-Dec-19 07:09:18

If she is fostered, is that short term?

SimonJT Sat 07-Dec-19 07:11:33

It’s standard behaviour for any LAC child, where do you think the government will get upwards of £30k a year for specialist schooling from? SEMH specialist schools are also few and far between for primary aged children.

Londongirl86 Sat 07-Dec-19 07:11:46

She's fostered yeah. She's only been at the school this year. I don't know how long you foster for? Im not clued up on it x

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 07-Dec-19 07:12:47

She is 7 and hurting reception kids. This is a safeguarding issue and I would be asking the school how the school intend to safeguard your dd. In an ideal world maybe she would be in an autism unit or similar. But these are very few and far between. Class sizes there are around 8 children and provision woefully small.

SnuggyBuggy Sat 07-Dec-19 07:14:31

The problem is there aren't the resources for children like this so they just get dumped in mainstream and the teachers and classmates are somehow expected to cope.

Londongirl86 Sat 07-Dec-19 07:14:52

Yep i know this behaviour will be due to her problems and her rough start in life. But does that mean our four year olds should be pushed to the floor and kicked in the backs etc? Scared to go to school. Be at risk of needing medical treatment? Their clothes being damaged. I have every sympathy for the Child but I don't send my child to school to be beaten up and intimidated 🤷🏼‍♀️

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 07-Dec-19 07:14:55

Fostering placements can be long term or short term. At 7 and with complex needs, it is not that this girl will be adopted. So I imagine she will be fostered long term, whether or not that will be with these foster parents depends on a number of factors.

LolaSmiles Sat 07-Dec-19 07:16:18

Theres no doubt this child needs appropriate support and the school will already be doing what they can, even if it's not enough at the moment. It doesn't sound like they're unaware, but they cannot and will not be allowe to discuss with you what is going on (eg it may be that the child doesn't have SEND support academically but needs some attachment mental health support or trauma informed support).

However your approach and the approach of other parents isnt on and suggests quite an unpleasant culture. A child's situation in care isn't playground gossip and shouldn't be discussed, same for gossiping about their issues, deciding that another child is better off home educated etc. The fact the teacher has had to ask what parents are saying in playground chat is quite worrying.

You need to keep your questions to the teacher about what will be done to keep your child safe. Nothing more. And don't get involved in group complaining with other parents where people start coordinating complaints.

Beveren Sat 07-Dec-19 07:17:07

Do you know the foster parents at all? Do you know whether the child in question has an Education, Health and Care Plan, or whether they're applying for one? If you know them, I'd suggest you refer them to people like SOS SEN and IPSEA for help: also point out to them that, as the child is fostered, they would be entitled to legal aid for help with the process.

Londongirl86 Sat 07-Dec-19 07:18:13

Yes she definitely has been put in the wrong environment. The school will be in alot of trouble when she seriously harms someone. All someone has to do is bang their heads wrong. It's frightening. I just feel awkward as I know the teachers are trying to hide her identity etc from us. I do understand they have to protect her but they must consider all children in their care

SimonJT Sat 07-Dec-19 07:18:15

@Beveren only legal guardians can apply for an EHCP, foster carers are not legal guardians.

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 07-Dec-19 07:19:18

Thank you for your post. I’ve just realised I presumed the little girl has SEND from the prior posts. Yes, you are correct and her behaviour could be trauma related. It doesn’t completely excuse her behaviour, rather explain it.

LolaSmiles Sat 07-Dec-19 07:25:36

Children can bang their heads awkwardly in any school. I think you're seeking to be sensationalist here.

You are absolutely correct to want to raise questions about your child's safey, but trying to fake concern that the school will be in trouble etc isn't helpful. Literally nobody other than school leadership will know the details enough to make claims like that, and if they are in a situation where school is facing a substantial situation then they'll be getting appropriate advice.

The process is a bit different I believe for children in care.
Either way, it's not for the OP or other parents to start telling people how to support their children.
They need to focus on asking the school about THEIR children and spend less time speculating about another child's needs.

JurassicShay Sat 07-Dec-19 07:26:34

More should be done to stop his little girl hurting others but it's not that easy. My son was the violent boy & he had an EHCP but it still took from yearR to year6 to finally get him a special school place!

The only way you can really approach the school is from a safeguarding point, how are they going to keep you child safe? They also cannot tell you anything about the other little girl so won't say how they are going to do that unless it's keep your child in at breaks & such like.

Londongirl86 Sat 07-Dec-19 07:27:59

Nobody is gossiping in the playground to be cruel at all. Nobody has a problem with this poor child personally. Our children play together. Children have gone home traumatised because they have witnessed there friends being kicked in the backs on the floor. These children were at pre school three months ago or at home with their mums. They are far too little to be on the end of her temper. I don't want that phone call to say she's going to a&e for stitches next week. I also don't want my DD too scared to enjoy school because of this child. If these issues remain I will consider moving my child to a new school as she is one of her regular targets.

rainywinterday Sat 07-Dec-19 07:28:25

This poor girl is obviously being let down by her education placement as behaviour like that usually means their needs aren't being met. However, it's naive to think that getting support or a specialist school is a quick solution regardless of the circumstances. My friend has recently adopted their foster child who presents similarly. It's taken 3 years to get the support she needs in school and really, it's too little too late as the damage from her not being able to cope will have lasting effects. My son, who is autistic was out of school for 2 years before a specialist place was given to him. Think on all that when voting next week!

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