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To be annoyed that PIL are buying her first bike?

(217 Posts)
superslipper Fri 06-Dec-19 20:52:25

Months ago, PIL asked if they could by DD4 a bike for her birthday. We said no, as we were planning on buying it for Christmas. I thought that was the end of it. PIL have now bought DD a bike for Christmas. Admittedly, we had decided against buying one just yet- various reasons- we can't afford it, have just had a newborn so it won't get any use for some time and DD isn't actually ready for pedals (she has SEN).
I'm majorly pissed off as her best Christmas present is now coming from PIL. Our presents will not have the wow factor compared with this. Plus I think her first bike should come from us. DD has also specified what colour bike she wants in the future- they've got a different colour.
AIBU to think that a child's first bike is something special and it should be us buying it when the time is right?
Please go easy on me if IABU. I've just had a baby and currently in baby blues mode.

user1487194234 Fri 06-Dec-19 20:56:31

In the nicest possible way ...... YABU

MissConductUS Fri 06-Dec-19 20:56:34

I don't think you are BU, but at four DD isn't going to care that much about who gave her the bike.

Have you asked PIL why they ignored your wishes on this? Do they have form for acting this way?

minisoksmakehardwork Fri 06-Dec-19 20:56:56

If she struggles with pedals, have you thought about a balance bike? I honestly wasn't a fan of them until ds1 couldn't manage pedals. He whizzed up and down on it. When he finally worked out pedals, he already had the balance so we took stabilisers off and that was it. He was riding.

OrangeHue Fri 06-Dec-19 20:57:27


bridgetreilly Fri 06-Dec-19 20:57:31

I would have said get over it, honestly, because I really don't think it matters at all who gets children their first something. But you told them not to, so that is definitely out of order. I would ask DP to say to them that it's not okay for them to have ignored what you've said, and to return the bike and get a different present.

crispysausagerolls Fri 06-Dec-19 21:00:00

You would be unreasonable except that you told them not to and they ignored you. So now they are being extremely unreasonable.

NoSauce Fri 06-Dec-19 21:00:25

Why so possessive?

TheCanterburyWhales Fri 06-Dec-19 21:00:32

Maybe they thought that as you had told them you were getting her one for Christmas and then didn't, it would be a nice thing.

HanginWithMyGnomies Fri 06-Dec-19 21:00:45

I don’t understand why grandparents shouldn’t share in the joy of our children to be honest. No they shouldn’t have gone against your wishes, but what a lovely thing to do for your child at a time when you can’t afford to.. maybe they have plans to teach them to ride it?

Why make issues when there really doesn’t need to be one? A gentle ‘please don’t do that next time’ won’t hurt surely!

Buttercup54321 Fri 06-Dec-19 21:01:52

You are being precious. They want to give your child a nice present that you cant afford so let them. A new baby shouldnt mean your daughter has to miss out either.

Ginger1982 Fri 06-Dec-19 21:02:00

YABU to be so hung up on her first bike coming from you but YANBU to be annoyed at them going against what you explicitly said. Do they have form for this? What does your partner say?

finn1020 Fri 06-Dec-19 21:03:32


formerbabe Fri 06-Dec-19 21:03:54

Yabvu and ungrateful.

SpiderCharlotte Fri 06-Dec-19 21:03:58

YABU. They are doing something nice and you say yourself you can't afford it. They can, so why shouldn't your daughter get something lovely from them. I'm sure they'll love the presents you have got for her too.

stargirl1701 Fri 06-Dec-19 21:04:16


The joy of using the bike WITH YOU means more than who bought it. Take the pedals off and use it as a balance bike initially. Great opportunity to teach your DD that it is thought that counts rather than getting exactly what you want.

Trying to be perfect makes us poorly is the mantra that I use with my DC.

SweetAsSpice Fri 06-Dec-19 21:04:39

YABU. She won’t remember who got her if. She will remember who taught her to balance on it, ride it, and cycle with confidence. That will be you smile

SweetAsSpice Fri 06-Dec-19 21:04:57

*it blush

PanamaPattie Fri 06-Dec-19 21:05:01

YANBU. You expressed your wishes quite clearly but PIL ignored you anyway. It's not a nice thing to do - it's controlling and interfering. Tell them to keep the bike at their house and DD can ride if and when she visits.

InACheeseAndPickle Fri 06-Dec-19 21:05:10

I think you should put DD first and if she'd like the bike you should be happy for her that she'll have one. If DD won't like the bike then that's a different matter.

DianaT1969 Fri 06-Dec-19 21:05:17

Gosh, I'd just be grateful. She has generous, involved grand parents. Not all children are so fortunate. Don't most children think that presents come from Santa at that age? I really think you must have better things to focus your thoughts and energy on.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff Fri 06-Dec-19 21:05:50

Are grandparents only allowed to buy presents that parents don’t feel upstage theirs?
It’s a bike your daughter won’t care who bought it for her nor will she look back in 20 years and think her grandparents loved her more than her mum and dad did as they got her a bike on Christmas.

Unclench a bit and enjoy the fact that you have generous in-laws.

pinkstripeycat Fri 06-Dec-19 21:05:57

I would be annoyed too as the parent but I know I would be being unreasonable as it’s about your DC not you - sorry

MrsT1405 Fri 06-Dec-19 21:06:10

You are being vu . Why does it matter? Get over yourself.

flouncyfanny Fri 06-Dec-19 21:07:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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