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AIBU to be pissed off by this comment

(61 Posts)
TellMeItsNotTrue Fri 06-Dec-19 14:49:09

First day taking the DC to school for a while because I've been in hospital or unwell at home, DC and I happy and excited to be back to normal, and now just feeling so deflated and dreading going out to pick DC up soon

I have 3 DC and circumstances that I'd rather not go into, that other mum is well aware of, means that this Christmas will be tighter than normal. She is a mum at school, I'd say our DDs are friends and we are friendly but not friends as such

She came out this morning with "You just don't know how hard it is when your child's birthday is 6 weeks before so close to Christmas, you have double the amount to pay out" and then went on and on about it

It would be insensitive normally, but given that she knows things are tighter than normal at the moment, it really pissed me off this morning and it's left me feeling shit the rest of the day.

She has 1 DD and I have 3 DC, so even paying out for birthday and Christmas 6 weeks apart means 2x£ for her and 3x£ for me. She has a DH earning big bucks and she doesn't work through choice, plenty of money for weekly haircuts and getting her nails done etc, I am a single DM and don't spend on myself as I'd rather it all went on the DC.

I am only saying about her lifestyle to not dripfeed show that it's not just number of kids, she has it a lot easier anyway, I would never judge her or mention it normally to her or anyone else. I don't take advantage in any way, if she asks my DD to go somewhere then I either say yes and send money with her, or say we already have plans if I can't afford it. I don't mention its that I can't afford it because I don't want to go on about money or make her think I want her to pay / make her feel obliged to offer, but she knows I struggle and will struggle more for the foreseeable so she can't say she didn't know because I never mention it.

So - AIBU to think she was really insensitive, and to be pissed off/feeling crap

Actionhasmagic Fri 06-Dec-19 14:53:29

Sounds like she was just making general chit chat. It was your choice to have 3 and hers to have 1 so why moan about it

Namelessinseattle Fri 06-Dec-19 14:59:01

Could it be a low mood about your health and financial situation maybe leaving you a little more vulnerable. Wipe the slate clean for today and start again. Try and re-feel that energy that made you happy and excited to be back to normal.

Silencedwitness Fri 06-Dec-19 15:01:29

Some people don’t think. I’m parent to two children with autism. I was pregnant before we understood my dc was diagnosed and thought it was a birth issue. People complain to me how hard their children are, how tired they are. My youngest is severely autistic and sleeps incredibly badly. I just figure people are just incredibly thoughtless.

blackteasplease Fri 06-Dec-19 15:04:21

She sounds like an idiot but try not to let it worry you. Even if your circumstances were equal it is immediately obvious that:

1. One child’s birthday does not cost the same as Christmas and therefore doesn’t double it.
2 you’d be paying that out at some time during the year anyway so you aren’t paying more than anyone else!

DryHeaving Fri 06-Dec-19 15:04:49

I think she was just chatting and didn't mean anything from it. You don't tell her money is tight so how would she know
I think you are reading too much in to it

NoSauce Fri 06-Dec-19 15:08:07

It sounds like you could be being sensitive here OP.

This is not something one would usually get deflated about.

formerbabe Fri 06-Dec-19 15:08:36

Perhaps she was trying to make you feel more comfortable by trying to relate to you and make out like things were a bit tight for her too (even if its nonsense).

Lightkeeper Fri 06-Dec-19 15:08:36

She just wanted to have a good old moan like anyone else. I can understand how you feel, but it can go the other way.

I have to keep my mouth shut when people moan about having 3+ kids, having had to go for a job with less money because of said kids and then go on to say money is tight, etc. It was their choice to have that many kids, and I personally think you should only have as many kids as you can afford.

Does it mean that because they are less well-off, I can't even tell them I'm going to get my hair done (considered small talk) or what we did during the weekend (things that tend to cost money)? We would quickly run out of things to talk about.

noworlater13 Fri 06-Dec-19 15:09:39

Well my ds is two weeks after and yes it is hard especially with another two dc but then again other people have 5 dc at Christmas or birthdays on Christmas Day.
We all have hard time's. one mother may only have one dc at Christmas and still struggle as their are alone.

I would just brush off the comment

AryaStarkWolf Fri 06-Dec-19 15:10:43

sorry you're having a hard time but YABVU here

Throwawayteachere Fri 06-Dec-19 15:11:45

I think she was just making conversation?

I think if she was mean she would be discussing how much she had for Christmas knowing you are having a hard time with money.

Honestly I think you have put too much thought into her school gate chatter. You say you didn't tell her about money problems but then that she must know? If she isn't a friend it is unfair to expect her to assume your financial situation/ for you to assume hers.

AryaStarkWolf Fri 06-Dec-19 15:12:19

To add, it seems like you feel like only people who are worse off/have more children than you should be allowed to complain. That's a bit unfair don't you think?

DowntonCrabby Fri 06-Dec-19 15:14:05

YANBU as such, but I do think you’ve taken some random school gate small talk too personally. flowersflowers

Bluntness100 Fri 06-Dec-19 15:17:04

Maybe she is finding it hard, it's not a competition. Simoly because you have it harder doesn't mean she has no right to have a general whinge.

This is just normal chit chat. School gate shit. It's not a competition.

Expressedways Fri 06-Dec-19 15:17:29

Sounds like she was making conversation and trying to sympathise with you. You’re being way too sensitive.

LittleLongDog Fri 06-Dec-19 15:17:45

She’s allowed to have her own issues. It doesn’t have to be a competition over who’s got it worse.

You’re obviously feelings very sensitive but don’t jump to conclusions about things because of it and take it out on your feelings towards her.

CraftyCow93 Fri 06-Dec-19 15:19:38

No. Your definitely not unreasonable. My nic
Niece was born on 21st Decembershock.. Wasn't due until January. Now that is a valid reason for complaint. Not 6 weeks before.

CraftyCow93 Fri 06-Dec-19 15:20:46

... Complaint for parents.. I should add.

TuttiCutie Fri 06-Dec-19 15:22:13


She was making chit chat to pass a few moments hanging around in the playground.

Thesearmsofmine Fri 06-Dec-19 15:28:19

It sounds like she was just chatting away tbh. I have 3dc, two of them have had birthdays within the last few weeks and my birthday is Christmas week, it does make things tighter having birthdays close to Christmas

Just try to forget about it.

Fairyliz Fri 06-Dec-19 15:28:45

As the saying goes you wouldn’t worry what people think about you if you knew how little they did think about you.
In other words most people are tied up in their own thoughts they hardly consider other people.
Sorry you have been ill but just try and hold onto that happy feeling you had first thing. Happy children are more important than presents

dalmatianmad Fri 06-Dec-19 15:31:46

I think you are being a little sensitive, I really dont see the issue. You presumably had 3 kids by choice? And she chose to have 1.
Hope you are feeling better after being unwell. Dont stress over a little playground conversation

heartsonacake Fri 06-Dec-19 15:32:36

YABU and oversensitive.

She was making small talk, and you have absolutely no idea how easy or hard her life is, so you cannot say “she has it a lot easier”.

sonjadog Fri 06-Dec-19 15:33:04

You are getting drawn into competitive miserying. She just wanted a moan which is a very human thing to do, no matter what your personal circumstances are.

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