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Utterly furious with friend - child sickness bug

(107 Posts)
Dontpaintitgrey Fri 06-Dec-19 10:17:11

I posted on here previously about this bad got a mixed response but we have had another incidence. I need to know what to do!

Good Mum friend and my DC go to same childminder. Back in Oct I went to do drop off and C minder tells me ‘oh no friend’s DC this morn, they have a sickness bug, I had to say I’m flexible on coughs and colds not sickness’ well of course. Messages friend to say hope DC feeling better soon and she gave me a run down of bug and told me she was still retching up but nothings in tummy so this was just bile, loose nappies but didn’t know if that was teething (to be fair my DC has lots of loose nappies generally too due to teething).

Didn’t expect to see her that week but lo and behold she was there at drop off the following day. I must have looked suprised so friend said to me of no C minder said I could bring her as she hadn’t been sick since the early early hours of the previous night. Ermmm well that’s not what you told me she was still being sick at 9:30am apparently. So barely 24hrs and she was back in.

Lo and behold my DC was sick the following day with a temp and lo and behold I came down the following day, pretty convinced it was Noro V as I had the shivers and ached all over like with flu. DC recovered pretty quickly but I was vomiting and bum ill for well over 48 hrs, and knocked for 6 for 7 days. I’ve only just started a new job as well.

We decided to say something to the C minder, chickened our abs did it via txt, but in a roundabout way told her that Friend poss stretched the truth and would it be better to stick to the 48hr rule as we’d been so ill and it was more difficult for us to take time off - I’ve just started a new job and DH is self employed. I know where not allowed to make assumptions about other people’s circumstances on here. But friend’s DP is a salaried employee at the family firm - he can well take a few days of to look after his sick child!!!!!!! Anyway C minder said she would ‘keep all this in mind’ we couldn’t decided whether that was a brush off or not.

Anyway fast forward to this week I met friend for a wander round the Xmas markets last night and she tells me what a rough wk they’ve had as DC was being sick again on Sun night and early Mon morning, had a bit of a raised temp but they called doctors triage and they said it was teething confused but then our c minder had called her on Weds morning to ask of this was a normal nappy for her (c minder obviously didn’t think it was normal) as it looked like tail end of a tummy bug!!!!!! Yeah no shit! Excuse the pun!

Lo and behold my DC has been sick in the night and again this morning. Raised temp. And before anyone says he could have picked it up anywhere he’s not been anywhere but home, the car and the childminders since last Sat so given the incubation period is 48 hrs I think we know where he got it from!!!!

I am so, so pissed off! I mean does my friend really not see it’s a bug (supposed being told that by triage didn’t help) but why would you rung triage about a tummy bug and slightly raised temp and otherwise ok child. Is she really that daft!! She was in complete denial it was a bug last time - stood talking to me saying ‘oh just one of those things, I don’t think it’s a bug’.

What do I say to the childminder to get her be tougher on this?

Dontpaintitgrey Fri 06-Dec-19 10:17:56

*Sorry that should have said good Mum friend’s dc and my dc

Needbettername Fri 06-Dec-19 10:21:58

Get new child minder? You can't make someone change their mind and policies.

LunasOrchid Fri 06-Dec-19 10:23:54

Your mis-directing your anger towards your CM rather than your friend. You have no idea what the friend is saying/not saying to your CM. Have it out with your friend. YABVU!

FraglesRock Fri 06-Dec-19 10:24:25

You should have a copy of her sickness policy. See what it says

AG29 Fri 06-Dec-19 10:25:29

childminder needs to be tougher. Children shouldn’t be in a setting or childminders home around others with a bug. People are just stupid.

Both mine are at school now a few years ago DS class had a school trip. One of the mothers told the teacher her daughter had been up with sickness and diarrhoea but she was desperate to go on the trip. Another mum told the teacher her son had diarrhoea through the night but Ok now.

It annoys me so much.

Another mum I know had to pick her sicky vomiting child up from school
One afternoon. It happens, kids get sick at school mine included. The very next morning she was sent back into school so the school sent her home. The worst past was the mum was a stay at home parent so had no need for her to be in and complained on social media that they sent her home.

48 hours always.

Sometimes sickness bugs can be very mild but it still means you need to stay off

When my DC had it last. DS had it bad for 2 days. Couple days after that DD was sick once or twice and fine afterwards but it was clearly a bug as there was no other reason for her to vomit and her brother had it. I once caught it off DC and only vomited once but felt rough afterwards. It displays in different ways.

The childminder is a the problem though. She needs to educate the mum, your friend on it.

AG29 Fri 06-Dec-19 10:25:58

Childminder should have policies on sickness.

Venger Fri 06-Dec-19 10:27:42

It sounds like she isn't telling the childminder the truth about her DC being ill so if the childminder hasn't got the full facts what is she supposed to do?

You should have a chat with the childminder and tell her that your friend has twice lied about her DC not having a bug when the child actually has had one and that this has twice been passed onto your DC. Ask her if she could remind all parents about the 48hr rule for sickness. That's really all you can do other than moving your DC to a different childminder and away from this other child however it happens in many settings and also in school. Ultimately though it isn't the childminder's fault your friend is a liar.

CottonSock Fri 06-Dec-19 10:29:26

I met someone at work last week who sent her kid to school after she vomited in bed in night twice. Then parent went to a meeting 3 hours away, not even important more of a jolly. You will struggle to change stupid people unfortunately.

Dontpaintitgrey Fri 06-Dec-19 10:30:07

@LunasOrchid I’m pissed off with them both!! I told her last times he should have kept DC off longer and it was probably a bug. I even posted a an article about N Virus school closures on FB and said, selfish parents not following the 48hr rule. She’s a lovely woman and I don’t want to spoil the friendship so don’t want to go all guns blazing!

C minder should not have accepted her back so quickly the last time. But granted this time friend had clearly not told her about being sick on the Sunday as C minder wouldn’t have needed to ask about the nappy would she.

I’ve done my best with friend without getting into falling out territory. Think C minder needs to step up and get tougher now.

Dontpaintitgrey Fri 06-Dec-19 10:33:49

@AG29 DC wasn’t too bad the first time, but it knocked me for 6, I just started a new job in September and I’m really busy, simply can’t have any more time off.

mousemousse Fri 06-Dec-19 10:40:15

"bum ill" grin

SinkGirl Fri 06-Dec-19 10:41:27

Our nursery is honestly a germ pit. I am sure we are the only family that follow the 48 hour rule, but even then one of them threw up at nursery a few weeks ago within 20 mins of arriving, and it must have looked suspect but he had honestly been fine for more than 48 hours (ended up seeing the doctors as the sickness ended up carrying on for over 10 days with 2/3 day gaps in between).

We currently have our second stomach bug in a month. A year ago to the day we all got norovirus after going to look round - I just thought well all nurseries are full of germs, but I think ours is a bad case to be honest.

This is why it’s 48 hours every time they’re sick even if you don’t think it’s a bug. DT2 has a condition that can cause vomiting and we have to keep him off even if we are pretty sure it’s that as there’s no way to be sure. This is one of the many reasons I can’t work!

Dontpaintitgrey Fri 06-Dec-19 10:42:50

@Needbettername I just don’t understand why she isn’t sticking to the 48hr rule, I’ve looked on NHS choices and it’s still says 48hrs on their site.

Thing is for everything else she’s brilliant, I know she wants to be flexible but we feel she’s taking it too far.

I have a sneaky suspicion my friend is making out it’s really difficult for her to get alternative childcare when it’s not, as her DP could easily take time off.

Ginfordinner Fri 06-Dec-19 10:45:44

Who are the 31% who thinks the OP is being unreasonable?

MyCatHatesEverybody Fri 06-Dec-19 10:46:55

Lo and behold your friend's being massively unreasonable.

Dontpaintitgrey Fri 06-Dec-19 10:48:38

@SinkGirl admittedly that’s problem with Noro that it comes on so fast that you’re highly likely to be put and about when it strikes. Plus it’s airborne in the vom. Friend had the opportunity tho as it had started in the night. It’s soooooo frustrating when you follow the rules!

DH currently taking one for the team and has cleaned up the vommy sheets and now has DC down in the office with him (at home mind).

FinnBalorsAbs Fri 06-Dec-19 10:50:43

I thought she was unreasonable for ‘bum ill...’

RedWineIsFabulous Fri 06-Dec-19 10:50:42

Bollocks to that. She clearly isn't following procedures. Doesn't matter if she has them
In black and white in paper, it's the implementation of them that matters.

Get yourself a new childminder. Seriously.

This issue won't change.

I say that as an ex Nursery Manager.

Dontpaintitgrey Fri 06-Dec-19 10:51:45

I know @MyCatHatesEverybody but I have said as much as I can without laying down the law, she will take it badly as she’s sensitive.

It’s weird I don’t think she is being devious, it’s like she’s in massive denial and doesn’t want to admit to herself her DC has a tummy bug, it’s a bit odd actually confused

RedWineIsFabulous Fri 06-Dec-19 10:52:25

Ps... i would 100% percent be having it out with this so called " friend " as well.

The friend who clearly is incredibly selfish.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland Fri 06-Dec-19 10:54:14

Your friend should stick to whatever the CMs policy.

However, people get worked up over this stuff. The 48h rule is kind of made up, its not really supported by any thing scientific its just a vague attempt to limit infections spreading. Different bugs last different times, are incubated for different lengths of time etc, affect different people differently.

The reality is toddlers have poor hygiene and are in settings where its easy to catch stuff. Your toddler could be catching this stuff anyway, and not even from that kid. Both kids could be catching from same source and taking different amounts of time to show symptoms.

Your kid is going to catch stuff, you have to accept that and stop looking for someone to blame.

crispysausagerolls Fri 06-Dec-19 10:54:46

A very good friend of mine puts her DD into nursery despite having bugs and all sorts of shit. Lots of people do - because they are selfish twats and they don’t feel they can take time off work. Makes me judgemental/happy I don’t have to send DS to nursery. You would think a perk of a childminder share with a friend would be to avoid this!

just5morepeas Fri 06-Dec-19 10:56:08

Get a new childminder, she isn't stringent enough on rules - what else might she be lax about?

Dontpaintitgrey Fri 06-Dec-19 10:57:08

See above @RedWineIsFabulous I k ow I need to but I think she’s being purposely selfish, the first time when she was saying it don’t think it’s a bug tho’ she kept repeating it like she was trying to convince herself. Then I said ‘well I think it probably is’ she replied with ‘mmmmmm’ like no I’m not agreeing. Then she weren’t really defensive and said ‘well I’m not worried tho, I’m not going to get myself worried about it’ I was like ok, it’s a stomach bug it’s fine, it happens it’s just no fker wants it that’s all!

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