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Friend can't meet up before Xmas because she has a 3 month old baby ...aibu ?

(83 Posts)
happydappyzoo Thu 05-Dec-19 15:28:17

My friend has a baby who is 3 months and a 4 year old.
We normally go for a meal and do the exchange of gifts but the baby is still very young and she's breastfeeding.
She hasn't left the house in two weeks now.
So I had a idea of suggesting to take the "party" to her.
One tea time /early evening heading over here with some party food (m&s have lots of nice bits in) a couple of nice desserts.
Do you think that's a good idea?
She was a bit upset yesterday that she has no adult company and is lonely.
Obviously I would cook the things and wash up etc

misspiggy19 Thu 05-Dec-19 15:29:25

I think it is a great idea

Thelnebriati Thu 05-Dec-19 15:30:13

Thats a really sweet idea. You will need to ask her first but ime just suggesting it is lovely.

AryaStarkWolf Thu 05-Dec-19 15:30:49

aww that's really nice, I bet she will be thrilled

Mrsjayy Thu 05-Dec-19 15:31:58

Yes go round fsmile

Mrsjayy Thu 05-Dec-19 15:32:47

Yes ask her first blush

Doyoumind Thu 05-Dec-19 15:33:16

Yes. If she hasn't left the house for 2 weeks it sounds like she needs some extra support.

SundayMorningSun Thu 05-Dec-19 15:34:01

That's very kind, but I'd ask her what time of day works best for her. Early evening is absolutely the worst time for my three-month-old, who gets very fussy and clingy in the run up to bedtime.

Longer term, can you support her with getting out and about somehow, even just a walk round the block?

woogal Thu 05-Dec-19 15:36:04

Tea time/early evening is when the mad rush starts in mine.

Ask her what time suits her. Lunchtime might suit her better.

Purpleartichoke Thu 05-Dec-19 15:36:14

Yes, bringing over a festive meal and hanging out with her is the perfect solution.

lifeisgoodagain Thu 05-Dec-19 15:38:11

It's a good idea but why isn't she leaving the house with the baby? I would try to encourage her to go out even for a short walk and keep an eye on her, bit worrying

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey Thu 05-Dec-19 15:38:24

Sounds like a lovely idea - but, as pp have advised, ask her first.
Don't forget the "Nosecco" fsmile

dreichXmas Thu 05-Dec-19 15:38:52

It's a lovely idea OP. Just check timings with her.
Teatime/early evenings were described in our house as the witching hours at that point as at least one dc was screaming their head off.

bluebella4 Thu 05-Dec-19 15:40:59

How absolutely fabulous this sounds!! What great friend you are!

Monkeynuts18 Thu 05-Dec-19 15:41:24

Lovely idea OP. If she hasn’t left the house in a fortnight she might be having a tough time.
Second what other posters say about timing though - early evening is often horrific for babies around that age.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland Thu 05-Dec-19 15:42:11

Nice idea but really emphasise that you understand that the baby might want to feed incessantly and that you dont mind. If she needs to put the baby to bed whild you are there, offer to be helpful in any way you can.

lotsofoysters Thu 05-Dec-19 15:44:09

It sounds absolutely lovely. I have a 7 month old and still find it hard to get out to see friends sometimes. I'd love it if any of them did something like this but sadly they don't seem bothered sad

Nonnymum Thu 05-Dec-19 15:44:56

I think it is a lovely idea but if you could do it at lunchtime instead of evening I think it would be better because in households with young children early evening can be chaos as children and babies are often at their worst.

welshweasel Thu 05-Dec-19 15:46:50

To be honest I’d be massively concerned that she hadn’t left the house in 2 weeks and a party would be the last thing on my mind. Presumably someone is taking the 4 year old out to nursery/school? What support does she have. Being stuck in with a 3 month old is not normal.

ArfArfBarf Thu 05-Dec-19 15:51:07

That’s really kind. I found having a newborn pretty easy but around 3/4 months really hard - sleep regression coupled with just finally running out of any reserves of energy was brutal.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Thu 05-Dec-19 15:51:16

She hasn't left the house in 2 weeks? That would worry me.

I'd say definitely 'take the party to her' (at a time that suits her, obv) but also use it as an opportunity to check and see if she is OK or if she needs some support.

Could you offer to cuddle baby for an hour so she can have some sleep?

Is she on her own? Where is the baby's father?

my2bundles Thu 05-Dec-19 15:51:30

Lovely idea but please do it for a time to suit her. Evening will be filled with the 4 year olds evening routine of meal, bath, story,bed etc alongside possibly cluster feeding tne baby. Also mine had colic at that age which hit a peak at 3 months .

megletthesecond Thu 05-Dec-19 15:53:58

Good idea to catch up.
But evenings might be awful for her. And only go round if you are also going to do some housework and help with the dc's. If she's already struggling then having to get organised and tidy after after guests will be more hassle for her.

Spitsandspots Thu 05-Dec-19 15:57:51

Ask her what time is best and just take quiche/salad/rolls or whatever cold stuff you fancy. She might not want you faffing about cooking in her kitchen.

andpancakesforbreakfast Thu 05-Dec-19 16:00:38

Sounds lovely, of course do ask her!

Everybody is different - lunchtime would have been a nightmare for me, that's when I used to nap with toddler and baby and I needed that time.
Evenings would have been so much better.

You can't assume but by all means offer.

And only go round if you are also going to do some housework and help with the dc's. well, ASK. Not everyone wants friends to do housework...

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