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Event outside of school 'All children must attend'

(270 Posts)
Temponaut Tue 03-Dec-19 19:02:31

Got a letter for a Christmas event at school. 2 different days for DC in different years. Both 7pm.

1st date I'm at my sisters baby shower meal and DH doesn't drive. This means dragging 4 kids out of the house at 7pm in the cold, either walking or in a taxi, non of llthe kids want to go.
2nd date in the eve of DS1s 15th birthday and we are going out for a family meal (Can't go on the actual day due to work commitments I the family)

Headteacher is notoriously strict about this stuff. Letter simply says 'All children must attend' and in the past has driven to pupils houses to collect them! AIBU to say we aren't going?

TwoleftUggs Tue 03-Dec-19 19:05:51

YANBU. Fuck that. Families have commitments out of school hours.

ItsGoingTibiaK Tue 03-Dec-19 19:06:09

Course you’re not BU. Ignore it. What’s he going to do - put you all in detention?

Leeds2 Tue 03-Dec-19 19:06:18

Well, for the first date I would be inclined to tell the school that DC won't be going as you have transport problems, and wait for the Head to come and pick him up!
For the second date, just let them know that DS1 won't be attending as you have already booked his birthday meal out.
They surely can't "make" anyone attend an out of school event.

GoGoLego Tue 03-Dec-19 19:06:25

Yanbu the must attend party would make me not go even if I was intending to and had nothing on

I hate this attitude some heads have of throwing their weight around after school hours

When did you get the letter and how much notice have you had? if you only got the letter this week for a Christmas event then 3 weeks is not enough notice if you expect 100% attendance outside of normal school hours.

Time4change2018 Tue 03-Dec-19 19:07:02

Don't tell her, just don't go. If you and the children don't want to go and they haven't given much notice I'd just ignore the letter. If anything is saud after the event just smile and say you had plans ( or tell her to feck off, that'd be my dream / brave response lol)

Stompythedinosaur Tue 03-Dec-19 19:07:32

If it is a Christmas event then they haven't given much notice. Is it something the dc want to do? If it is I would see if another parent can take them, but if not I'd just say you already have plans and can't facilitate being there due to it being a short notice request.

crazycadetmum Tue 03-Dec-19 19:08:06

I don’t see how an evening event is compulsory...mine wouldn’t attend f it didn’t suit our family plans! NOt sure what the headteacher can do about that so long as you attend during school hours I don’t think they can say very much.

TheQueef Tue 03-Dec-19 19:08:11

Is it a performance they are involved in?

sweeneytoddsrazor Tue 03-Dec-19 19:09:26

Is it the school Christmas plays?

ForalltheSaints Tue 03-Dec-19 19:10:21

Reply and tell the headteacher that you think this is a form of bullying or harassment.

The driving to people's houses is for me potentially a safeguarding issue. The headteacher is not a licensed taxi or minicab driver?

Temponaut Tue 03-Dec-19 19:10:30

I've just got the letter today.

It's a Christmas choir event. neither child can sing grin

Beswitched Tue 03-Dec-19 19:12:21

Just ignore it. He/she seems to be over estimating their authority. Daft instruction that he can't enforce.

Parker231 Tue 03-Dec-19 19:15:22

Ignore it. I imagine many children won’t go as families are busy at this time of year.

PlutoAjder Tue 03-Dec-19 19:17:13

Just explain that you have prior commitments if asked.

It's a bit off that the head would turn up at the door potentially, what if you were going through something a bit sensitive?! I remember when my grandparent was in hospital, dying, near Christmas and my mum had to write a couple of school notes about not being at after school commitments for a few weeks (we'd go straight to the hospital from school), I'd have been even more upset if the school had made us reveal why because I wasn't handling it well really. For school staff to turn up at the doorstep for a Christmas choir would be totally inappropriate!!

iamNOTmagic Tue 03-Dec-19 19:19:09

What type of school OP? State school YANBU but private you are expected to attend extra events.

alexdgr8 Tue 03-Dec-19 19:23:49

is this a church school, was going to say is it a private school, but can't imagine such a headteacher driving around, herding pupils in.
I agree with the others on here. you cannot be compelled, and in fact it does seem heavy-handed if not aggressive to say you must. not much in the spirit of xmas, demanding, dictatorial.
ignore or complain but don't go. good luck.

AFairlyHardAvocado Tue 03-Dec-19 19:23:53

Must attend?! Is this a thing now? Good grief. Polite but firm if asked about it afterwards. You weren't available. Stick to your guns!

ViaSacra Tue 03-Dec-19 19:26:59

They have not given enough notice to expect full attendance outside of school hours.

Simply write to your children’s form tutors informing them that your family have prior commitments and cannot attend.

Apolloanddaphne Tue 03-Dec-19 19:27:21

That is ridiculous. I would just ignore the letter and do what you had planned.

Jayaywhynot Tue 03-Dec-19 19:27:57

Nope, no chance, I'd not do anything if someone tries to make me (I'm an arsehole tho) I'd see it as a challenge, no way would I go, try and make me! Also, no chance I'd attend a Christmas concert! grin

Teateaandmoretea Tue 03-Dec-19 19:28:40

If the headteacher turns up then threaten him with the police. I'm guessing this must be a private school

CatInTheDaytime Tue 03-Dec-19 19:31:05

What a twat! "Must attend" my arse. He can't make you and he's making a total idiot of himself to act like he can.

Send the head a formally typed letter saying he "must attend" your house at 8.30am on a Saturday morning because you want to have a meeting with him.

HollowTalk Tue 03-Dec-19 19:33:17

The headteacher has driven to the houses to collect pupils?!!!

Yappy12 Tue 03-Dec-19 19:33:32

Why do some posters advise a mother to tell a head-teacher to Fuck Off? I agree they shouldn't have to attend as it's outside school hours but just don't take them. It's not right to verbally abuse the Head.

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