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Does the mum shaming ever stop???

(84 Posts)
Baternburg Tue 03-Dec-19 14:50:17

My DP has informed me that my sister in law has insisted that I MUST iron my baby’s clothes. AIBU to tell her to iron her face? Does the unwarranted parenting advice ever stop?

Jupiters Tue 03-Dec-19 14:54:11

Unfortunately I don't think it ever stops I'm afraid.

If your partner is that interested in what his sister thinks about the baby clothes he can iron them himself.

Winterdaysarehere Tue 03-Dec-19 14:54:17

Ask her when she is free to bring her iron round...

ActualHornist Tue 03-Dec-19 14:55:47

I haven’t experienced even a fraction of the craziness I regularly see on MN.

That sort of comment would wash over me as sort of a ‘look what my daft sister said’. You honestly can just let stuff wash over you...

Confusedbeetle Tue 03-Dec-19 14:55:53

Why would any bloke take a blind bit of notice of this, never mind repeat it?

WatchingTheMoon Tue 03-Dec-19 14:59:40

It probably doesn't stop but you need to let it stop bothering you.

Every time my MIL starts, I just go 'oh yes!' and then change the subject.

The other day she told me to wash my hands more often (I am literally obsessed with washing my hands and do it far more often than she does) and that I MUST wipe my dogs' feet before he comes into the house so the baby doesn't get sick.

I used to argue back, now I just go 'OH YES!' and carry on.

She did ask what language we'd be teaching the baby the other day - I'm British, husband is Korean. I am quite sick of this line of questioning because people do it all the time and they're basically insinuating that our baby is kind of Korean, but not ACTUALLY Korean and it pisses me off. So that time, I told her we'd be teaching him Chinese with a blank look on my face.

That also works. Just say some random shit like 'what's an iron?' if you really get annoyed.

Baternburg Tue 03-Dec-19 14:59:44

It’s soooo annoying. Apparently it’s to ‘get rid of the bacteria’. She lives in another country so I can’t tell her to come and iron but I might suggest I could post the clothes to her.

StrayWoman Tue 03-Dec-19 15:00:54

I don't own an iron.

SVRT19674 Tue 03-Dec-19 15:01:50

I don't iron my baby's clothes. She survives. Tell her to get a life, I'm sure there's plenty of stuff for her to concentrate on in her own life. Your house, your baby your iron.

OoohTheStatsDontLie Tue 03-Dec-19 15:02:08

I really hope your partner was saying it in a 'god my sister is mad, you'll never guess what 'advice' she has come out with now!' way rather than a 'you know, SiL has said you should iron the clothes and actually why dont you?' type of way

Vulpine Tue 03-Dec-19 15:02:16

Never heard that in my life. Bonkers

SeditionSue Tue 03-Dec-19 15:02:19

I'd be curious as to why your DP told you this.
Was it because he agrees and wants you to iron the baby clothes?
Or, does he want you to dislike his sister? Does he want you to bond with him in shared dislike over his sister?
Does he want to make you feel inadequate or let you know that others think you are inadequate?

Why? Why did he tell you this? What does he get out of it?

WatchingTheMoon Tue 03-Dec-19 15:02:47

baternburg is she from a different country? I know that some cultures do iron all the baby's clothes because of bacteria.

SeditionSue Tue 03-Dec-19 15:03:33

Apparently it’s to ‘get rid of the bacteria’.

That's a fairly benign reason, to be fair.

Lillyhatesjaz Tue 03-Dec-19 15:03:49

Of course you should be ironing your babies clothes including the disposable nappies.

TurquoiseDress Tue 03-Dec-19 15:05:17

Nah I don't think it ever stops

Your SIL seems rather bonkers to think that ironing baby clothes is some kind of life necessity

I never ironed any of my babies clothes, they seem to be turning out ok!

Vulpine Tue 03-Dec-19 15:05:35

Its not 'benign', its germ obsessive

virginpinkmartini Tue 03-Dec-19 15:06:15

'To get rid of the bacteria' 😂 Does she do her laundry in a river and beat it with a rock? Take no notice. People can eff off with their unsolicited shite. Just had someone at work the other day tell me off for having a coffee (I'm currently pregnant) I told them you can actually have 200mg of caffeine a day, and they just said 'It's very naughty, bad.' Yet they ask me quite often if I want cups of tea... Just assume they know not what they do.

Madaboutthem2 Tue 03-Dec-19 15:06:17

I never ironed my kids clothes as babies. I iron them now as they are creased due to drying them inside. In the summer I'll only iron the odd thing. Tell her to butt out.

It never stops though. You have to grow a thicker skin. People will tell you when to wean, how to deal with bedtimes, where you are going wrong, how you are spoiling them, why the dummy needs to go, when you should be potty training, what shoes are best, why you don't need to do this that and that because they didn't do it, what nurserys, which school, what you should do to handle tanturms, why they are walking allover you, their eating schedules, when you need to square them up, their hair styles, oooo it's so fun!

Mine started whilst they were still in the womb. You don't need 4d scans, I don't like that name, you better not do this, breastfeed or bottle feed.

Just don't take any crap and keep doing it your way. Xx

GunpowderGelatine Tue 03-Dec-19 15:07:22

YANBU, she's a cock and this had me howling laughing in the Sainsbo's queue

AIBU to tell her to iron her face?

Life is far too short to iron baby clothes.

lazylinguist Tue 03-Dec-19 15:07:33

AIBU to tell her to iron her face?

Apparently it’s to ‘get rid of the bacteria
hmm Maybe also tell her that's what washing things is for. What a weirdo.

Baternburg Tue 03-Dec-19 15:10:04

@SeditionSue his family lots of these MAD wives tales so I sometimes ask what he’s talking about when he’s on Skype when I can understand that they are saying something about the baby but I can’t understand what. So this was the latest installment of over-Skype baby advice that doesn’t make sense.

Baternburg Tue 03-Dec-19 15:10:50

@WatchingTheMoon yes different country

SeditionSue Tue 03-Dec-19 15:11:48

Washing clothes at 40 degrees removes dirt and will therefore wash away some bacteria, but it doesn't totally eradicate and it doesn't kill bacteria.

Ironing WILL kill more bacteria than washing alone. It''s not obsessive, particularly if it's a cultural norm where she's from.

It is however, unnecessary. I was with you at first OP, but now I think this just sounds like a cultural difference that wasn't meant as a criticism, really. Just ignore it.

WatchingTheMoon Tue 03-Dec-19 15:12:12

OP, is it somewhere in SE Asia? Cos if so, that is a common practice there. (obv you don't have to say if you feel it's outing.)

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