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To feel like stretch marks are my fault?

(77 Posts)
Illeana Mon 02-Dec-19 05:58:34

I was two stone overweight when I got pregnant. My skin was already stretched, so pregnancy on top of that stretched it past the point where it could snap back. My stomach is hideously loose, wrinkled and scarred and my self esteem is on rock bottom.

If I’d lost the two stone before getting pregnant that would have given my skin more leeway to stretch during pregnancy. So it might have snapped back without stretch marks. I look at my hideous stomach and I just feel so guilty and I hate myself, because it’s my fault that it’s like that.

MarleneandBoycie Mon 02-Dec-19 06:02:39

Anyone can get stretch marks. If it is any consolation I would have thought thin people get even more as their skin is not already stretched. They fade eventually anyway.

puds11 Mon 02-Dec-19 06:08:28

I wish I’d lost weight before pregnancy too. I had about that same to loose. Having said that, I was underweight when I had my first and that’s when I got the stretch marks. Second one just stretched them out again. I am more worried about saggy belly this time though.

puds11 Mon 02-Dec-19 06:09:20

How far postpartum are you? The marks really do fade I promise.

Twotinydictators Mon 02-Dec-19 06:10:11

Slim women also get stretch marks and I remember a personal trainer who was super fit and healthy telling me that her pelvic floor was shot to shit since she'd had her first baby. I can relate though and did feel the same way at first. This web-site helped because I could see for myself that pregnancy affected women of all shapes at sizes and in all different ways. In any event, it cant be changed now so beating yourself up about something that might have still happened even if you were super toned, is pointless.

And I'm not sure who you feel guilt towards? Hopefully you just mean yourself. I am lucky to have a partner who loves the body that gave birth to his children, however imperfect it may be. I hope you have the same and not someone sneering at you flowers

Illeana Mon 02-Dec-19 06:13:59

Two years. The marks have faded to silver. I wouldn’t care if my skin was flat but it’s really loose and the stretch marks are all wrinkled. Like this (photo from Google).

Snowflake9 Mon 02-Dec-19 06:22:13

Hey OP. Please stop being so hard on yourself. I got alot of stretch marks.on my hips and thighs whilst pregnant and was 8st when falling pregnant. I also have some pretty major ones on my.bum cheek.

However, I lost my baby weight quickly and that didn't help but they are all now silverish. My DS is nearly 13 weeks.

I was really self conscious as to what my DH would say , as I have lost all.muscle tone in my legs too. But then I had a moment and thought "my body GREW my baby , it carried term and kept him nurtured and safe. My body delivered him to the world and that's by far the greatest gift I could have ever given my DH. So he can suck up a few stretch marks because I certainly have."

If you feel self conscious in clothes due to your loose skin around your tummy , have you tried some control underwear? Also up your water intake, it will help a little too.

Snowflake9 Mon 02-Dec-19 06:23:24

Some cardio (not just focusing on abs) will also help to reduce the fat underneath the skin too.

blackcat86 Mon 02-Dec-19 06:24:32

I'm a size 10 and have awful stretch marks from growth spurts in my teens. Now I've added to them on my boobs and hips from a pregnancy, as well as having the dreaded c section overhang. Dont beat yourself up, it can happen to anyone of any weight.

Twotinydictators Mon 02-Dec-19 06:25:13

It's honestly not as bad as you think, you look like you have a nice body shape. Focus on your best parts instead and try and forget about it. You need to work on loving yourself as you are because life is too short to spend it berating yourself for something that probably would have happened even if you were not slightly overweight before you got pregnant. You cant change it, dont waste your energy - you dont have it to waste with a two year old wink

Brillopadtongue Mon 02-Dec-19 06:34:59

It's your dna so technically parents fault but shame and blame are useless feelings. You could get surgery if you want. Stretch marks arent poo stuck on your skin, they arent contagiois. I dont know why they are thought ugly. I think they are normal.

Illeana Mon 02-Dec-19 11:37:53

My mum and my GP just keep shrugging their shoulders and saying it’s normal to have loose skin and stretch marks after pregnancy. I feel like I’m being gaslighted. It’s not normal to look like this and have a hanging flap of skin on my belly. All of my friends have snapped back to normal, I’m the only one who can’t wear a bikini.

OrangeZog Mon 02-Dec-19 11:39:34

I was always told that stretch marks are purely down to genetics.

You’re not the only woman who isn’t happy wearing a bikini post pregnancy.

ISmellBabies Mon 02-Dec-19 11:43:19

I was 7st when I got pregnant with dc1, I still got stretch marks and my tummy looked like that photo. It's normal, not everyone gets it but a lot do. I had a tummy tuck. Nothing else will get rid of loose skin.

KristinaM Mon 02-Dec-19 11:46:33

My mum and my GP just keep shrugging their shoulders and saying it’s normal to have loose skin and stretch marks after pregnancy. I feel like I’m being gaslighted. It’s not normal to look like this and have a hanging flap of skin on my belly. All of my friends have snapped back to normal, I’m the only one who can’t wear a bikini

Well I’ve not “ snapped back to normal “ and I don’t look like a bikini model, even though I’m a size 10.

So obviously we are the only two women in the Uk in our situation hmm.

Do you know the phrase “ Comparison is the thief of joy” ?

Autumntoowet Mon 02-Dec-19 11:49:03

I am with you OP
I got zero during my first pregnancy (never used any creams either)
My second I started overweight and I have lots

LolaSmiles Mon 02-Dec-19 11:51:52

I was told anyone can get them and it's not about size of woman.

I've got them all over my hips and was slim pre pregnancy with a massive bump now. I'm not sure I'm going to ping back at all.

Other friends ranged from average, to overweight and they have no stretch marks and gone right back.

Rainbowtheunicorn Mon 02-Dec-19 11:54:01

Have you finished having your family? Have you tried diet and exercise to try to improve things?

Mine are pretty bad. Wasn’t overweight but gained 4 stone during pregnancy. Wouldn’t feel comfortable wearing a bikini but that’s okay as there are way nicer one pieces now anyway.

I think you need to learn to accept yourself, or if you really can’t then you could have surgery.

SomewhereInbetween1 Mon 02-Dec-19 11:54:46

I think stretch marks happen as a result of rate of growth, rather than size of growth. Lots of thin women have stretch marks from rapid growth in puberty and equally lots of large women don't. I hope you feel better about your bod soon OP, sending hugs! X

KnickerBockerAndrew Mon 02-Dec-19 11:59:18

With you OP. It's not really so much about the stretch marks, more about the loose skin and the way my skin hangs on my belly. I am thin now, and the more weight I lose/the more stomach crunches I do, it just looks worse. My belly will always look better when it's padded out a bit.

The only thing that could improve it for me would be a tummy tuck, and I won't do that. I am 10 years post partum btw.

Endspeciesism Mon 02-Dec-19 12:04:15

Mine looks the same. I know it’s hard to accept, but I try to think how lucky I am to have the kids. It’s not your fault, please don’t think it is.

Illeana Mon 02-Dec-19 12:05:50

The more I diet and exercise the looser my stomach gets. I need surgery and I’m afraid to have it. It’s not fair, none of my friends needed thousands of pounds of surgery and they didn’t have to risk their lives to look normal again.

sugarbum Mon 02-Dec-19 12:06:09

"It’s not normal to look like this and have a hanging flap of skin on my belly. "
Yes it is. Sorry. Your friends are lucky. But its just as 'normal' to look like this as it is for skin to 'bounce back' Its to do with the elasticity in your skin. That's genetics. It can be helped by certain factors, but if you're going to get stretch marks, you're going to get stretch marks.

You did nothing wrong. I was not overweight with my first and had a lovely flat stomach. I used bio-oil all the way through, and got to 36 weeks without any stretch marks then - bang - overnight - there they were. Covered the whole of my lower belly and across the bump. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

2nd pregnancy and the bump was bigger (child was bigger) and I got more. I no longer care.

Andysbestadventure Mon 02-Dec-19 12:08:36

Your belly would've been like that anyway OP. Two stone of weight wouldn't have had much if any impact at all.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee Mon 02-Dec-19 12:11:35

I'm very overweight and didn't get many stretch marks, it's very much got to do with how your skin is to start, nothing you can control, so cut yourself a bit of slack!

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