AIBU not to be putting together a nursery?(107 Posts)
(Name changed as I’ve mentioned this dilemma to a few people in RL and I don’t particularly want them knowing my usual username)
So I’m having my first baby next year - all very lovely and my DH and I are very excited but I’m genuinely confused about this whole nursery business.
We live in a three bedroom house - currently one bedroom is ours (quite a big room) One is our guest room, and one is an office. Obviously one of these at some point will become the baby’s room though we haven’t quite worked out the logistics of how to switch everything around yet. However in my mind I’m thinking this won’t be an issue for a while as the baby is going to be in with us in our room for at least the first 6 months, possibly more before it goes in it’s own room and we can work all this out and make a nice baby room once that actually happens.
But everyone I’m talking to, including people who are pregnant and already have kids keep going on about when we’re going to do the nursery and decorate it and have it all ready. I see pictures of people’s nursery’s on Facebook with cots already in there (people who are still pregnant) and everyone I’m speaking to seems to think this is normal and what you do before the baby is born!
So my AIBU is - am I being unreasonable for thinking this is totally unnecessary when it’s basically a room that will be sitting empty for at least 6 months when we’re currently using both our ‘spare’ rooms. Or is there something I’m missing?
Mine were in with me until around 8 moths and second one a year. I kept the second bedroom as a spare room with a double bed in to start . There is no need for a nursery to begin with unless you want one.
I did not get a room ready for dd. I could not being myself to in case all went past shaped. She ended up in with us till 34 months anyway ...
Yeah we didn't use the nursery as a nursery until gone six months. We did use it to store all her clothes and other stuff but it was still able to be used as a spare room for those six months. We just decorated it pre-baby as we had plenty of time to do so then!
I see your point but don't underestimate all the things a little tiny baby needs!
We ended up doing ours before the baby arrived and I'm glad. All his changing things (months supplies of nappies, wipes etc), all his clothes and a couple of bigger toys were stored in there. I found it much easier to change him on the changing table in his room. Also the cot was handy for daytime e.g. On the rare occasion he'd allow me enough time to have a shower or brush my teeth, the baby monitor was already set up so it became convenient to pop him in the cot for very short bursts, even though he didn't sleep in there overnight until he was 4 months.
If you're actively using both your spare rooms then I think your approach is very sensible. The reason most people do it in advance, even though (as you say) the nursery won't be used for a while is because it's a lot, lot easier to redecorate a room and set up a load of furniture while pregnant than with a small baby - I know a couple of people who didn't set up a nursery before the baby was born and neither of them has got round to it yet and we now all have 18 month olds! But I agree that in your case the inconvenience of doing it later is outweighed by the convenience of having a guest room and an office.
YANBU however you will want some storage space for clothes and whatnot. For our first we bought some second hand drawers and the people gave us a cot too. It was handy eventually. For our second, we just made sure we had a comfortable spare bed so we could alternate who got to sleep without being in charge.
All I would say, is that decorating/building furniture etc can be a lot harder with small people around so getting it done whilst pregnant can be useful.
With Dd1 she shared with me until we moved out my parents house when she was 3. Instead of buying her a bed my mum bought a double bed so we always shared.
Dd2 didn't have a nursery until 6mths when we finally got round to decorating it.
I did one for DD (although tbh hardly, didn’t decorate or anything just stuck the cot in it) and she slept with us for three years. So I didn’t bother with DS, who slept with us for three years...
I never decorated a nursery for either of my children. I just sorted a room out for them when they were ready to move into it. Babies don't need much 'stuff' anyway. It's when they get older that the stuff accumulates.
I haven't bothered turning my spare room into a nursery yet as DS will be in with me till at least 18months and i use the room for drying clothes and storing things. Unless you have tons of baby stuff that can't go in your room or they have loads of clothes they don't actually need a nursery just a cot in your room and somewhere to change nappies is fine
I didn’t buy a cot / setup a nursery until baby was 5mths and almost ready to move out! All I did otherwise was set up a changing table.
No point in setting everything up in advance & I couldn’t care less about putting it on social media! I didn’t even tell anyone I was pregnant (I just looked a bit fat!) so the birth announcement was quite a surprise to most
We didn't bother with a nursery before DS was born and my logic was exactly the same as yours. I assumed that all the baby stuff would just live in our room for at least 6 months. As it was though, I lasted about two weeks after DS was born before I started to create a nursery because I was so sick of having his stuff in our room and I wanted to have somewhere to change him which wasn't where I was going to be sleeping (🤢). He still sleeps with us as he's 3 months but I actually really like having a defined space for him. Totally up to you though; like so much of having a baby, it's hard to work out the reality of how you'll live with him/her until it happens!
I'm with you- I didn't do this for mine- she was in with us to start and the other rooms remained as they had been. We rearranged them when we moved her into it, bit she was a terrible sleeper so was in our room for a loooooong time so we didn't have to spend all night running back and forth between rooms. It was nice to have the spare room/office space intact for as long as possible.
Far easier to sort out, decorate etc before you have a baby to look after as well...
Yes and the stuff, the clothes, dedicated change station etc.
Thanks - this is all genuinely really helpful. We’re lucky in that our bedroom is very big, so there’s plenty of room in it for a cot and changing table etc. We have storage in the spare room where I was planning to put baby clothes and toys etc. But I’ve just been feeling inadequate looking at all these beautifully decorated nursery’s on Facebook (and yes I know Facebook isn’t real life)
(We did store her stuff in the spare room, just in a plain old normal chest of drawers with a changing mat on top).
I also felt as though I had to keep justifying myself a bit with people asking about "the nursery" but it was a far more judicious use of space not to have one!!
Babies keep you busy , so glad We didn’t the nursery/ bedroom decorating when i was pregnant ... because we tackled it together.
His cot has been in our room from day for but will go in his rooms when we are ready
We recently painted our living room and dining room and it took us 3 times longer as babies routine needed to continue and one of use was constantly looking after him bar his Short nap 💤 and I was taking him out to soft play to keep him happy.
We did tackle some at night together but as littleone wakes a faint it was exhausting to work until 10pm then have dinner go to bed at 11:30 wake up for 2 night feeds followed by 5am wake up for the day ... so only managed it the once ... not how all 10 month olds are but just a heads up
I prepared dc1s bedroom prior to their arrival as I felt that for us it was simpler to do when we had the time and didn't have to balance moving rooms/decorating with a small baby.
Dc2 didn't get a nursery, we just shoved the crib back up in our room then when the time came, put him into the room with dc1.
Yup, I kept both my DDs in my bedroom for their first year each.
It depends on priorities I think - are you concerned with posting "ideal home" nursery pics on social media, or more into the practicalities of making best use of the space you have? I found my babies slept really well in the cot beside my bed, where they could see and hear me and feel secure, rather than alone in a nursery.
DS didn't need a bedroom until school age. He slept in with me so it was just a place to store toys, that he mostly played with in the living area anyway. Babies don't need much, a drawer to store clothes, a change mat and nappies, a basket for toys, somewhere to sleep.
I'm 31 weeks and in the process of setting ours up now for 2 reasons
- it's easier to decorate now than with a baby around
- I've got the money at the moment to afford to do it. When I go on mat leave I know I'll be much more careful about what I spend. I know I could put the money away til I need it but I'll either spend it, or never get round to doing it
Oh and 3 I've bought all the furniture through black Friday deals
We're not doing our nursery until the baby is 6 months. Mainly because DP drives over an hour to work every day on a long boring stretch of road. I'm refusing to get rid of the spare bed as I want him well rested to drive in the morning.
(Ambulance worker seen too many accidents when people fall asleep at the wheel - yea I am over paranoid)
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