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“Did you have some help”

(182 Posts)
Legomanships Sun 01-Dec-19 16:42:47

AIBU to find this response to us telling our friend we are having twins a bit rude?

I can imagine I may (possibly) be a little bit hormonal etc, but I feel like this is a weird response. It wasn’t said in a jokey way, and was the only thing she said before saying she was on her way out.

My husband also thought it was rude, but he might just be agreeing with me to make me feel less stupid.

midnightmisssuki Sun 01-Dec-19 16:45:46

?? I don’t understand what it even means? Have some help with what?

meow1989 Sun 01-Dec-19 16:46:11

As in are they if babies? People are so wierd when it comes to pregnancy. It's as if your entire reproductive history is anything to do with them. At best its rude, at worst triggering or upsetting.
YANBU.

meow1989 Sun 01-Dec-19 16:46:28

Ivf not if

Thehop Sun 01-Dec-19 16:46:39

Is she asking if you had treatment?

Butterymuffin Sun 01-Dec-19 16:47:09

That's weird. Is she one of those people who says bizarre things in social situations?

PersonaNonGarter Sun 01-Dec-19 16:47:12

Let it go. I agree it is weird, but people are.

Thehop Sun 01-Dec-19 16:47:21

Be blatant

“No, just super fertile you rude cow! Haha!”

TeenPlusTwenties Sun 01-Dec-19 16:48:09

It was a bit rude/intrusive.
But there are more twins these days due to IVF, so presumably that's what she was thinking.

MolyHolyGuacamole Sun 01-Dec-19 16:48:15

YANBU. Rude at worst, insensitive at best. Nobody's business.

Congratulations btw!

Legomanships Sun 01-Dec-19 16:48:25

I think I like this “it is weird, but people are”.

She isn’t super weird normally to be fair, so it was doubly unexpected.

RiddleyW Sun 01-Dec-19 16:48:37

My friend with twins still gets this and they’re 10 now! Sorry.

RiddleyW Sun 01-Dec-19 16:49:08

But yes I’d let it go other than thinking she’s a bit rude/ mad.

Girlwhowearsglasses Sun 01-Dec-19 16:50:00

Unfortunately you will keep being asked. (Voice of experience) - embarrassing either way if you did or didn’t ‘have help’. It’s their stupid though - feel free to reply that yes - the babies’ father ‘helped’

kenandbarbie Sun 01-Dec-19 16:51:15

It is rude. I had ivf twins and often get asked 'were they natural'? I don't mind telling people, if they're rude enough to ask I'm happy to go into loads of 'tmi' detail about the treatment.

Legomanships Sun 01-Dec-19 16:51:26

I feel like I’m relatively young, and we have just been married a year, so IVF would be a weird conclusion, I don’t even think I know why it bothered me...but you are all right, let it go! Lol

PurpleDaisies Sun 01-Dec-19 16:51:27

It’s a very personal question but twins are more likely with assisted conception. Tell her she’s asked something very personal and that she might upset others by asking things like that.

Legomanships Sun 01-Dec-19 16:52:14

“The babies father helped” is brilliant! I wish I had said that!!

drspouse Sun 01-Dec-19 16:52:47

Try being an adoptive parent - "Are they your real children?"
No, they are made of plastic.

Needbettername Sun 01-Dec-19 16:53:05

Oh my god you had better get used to this. People ask it all the time. It is so rude. A delivery man asked once and so did a checkout lady in supermarket. Annoys me so much as they are basically asking if I had fertility issues or not.

rhubarbcrumbles Sun 01-Dec-19 16:54:02

YANBU. I think people do tend to think that twins may be the result of IVF, especially non-identical twins. I know 3 sets of twins and they are all non-identical and all are the result of IVF but at least one of the sets doesn't know that they were because their parents don't want them to know. Asking or commenting on it is extremely rude.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily Sun 01-Dec-19 16:55:56

Oh yes, drspouse, especially when they find out you’re a widow and you didn’t give birth to your kids. The concerned, “did you and Mr T0t not have any family of your own”. 😒

RandomMess Sun 01-Dec-19 16:56:14

The only appropriate comment from them would have been "congratulations"!

B1rdinthebush Sun 01-Dec-19 16:59:30

My twins are four and people still ask me this all the time. People are bonkers.

drspouse Sun 01-Dec-19 17:01:40

People are indeed bonkers.
"What do they call you?"

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