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Ex feeding DS sisters expressed breast milk

(208 Posts)
Scousefae Sun 01-Dec-19 11:39:41

Without going into too much detail, ex and I have never seen eye to eye since DS's birth (he is now 4.5 months old). It's the usual bollocks of he and his family knows better, I'm a bad mum blah blah blah. Just for the record, DS is perfect weight, happy and hitting all development milestones as he should be. He is well loved, cared for and he has everything he could ever possibly need.

It recently came to light that he had discussed the need to feed DS breast milk as I 'couldn't be bothered' and had no care for DS's well being' at our shared work place. This is not the case, we tried for the first month and struggled due to a tongue tie which wasn't diagnosed when leaving the hospital.

I have tried to discuss this with him but hit the usual wall of ignorance. He tends to ignore me to maintain some kind of moral high ground whenever he is caught out in a lie or caught out generally being a prick.

There has been constant lies and feeding of the work place gossips well before DS was born and I am well aware this could be the same but as a lot of things said have turned out to ring true I am absolutely furious with him.

I understand wet nurses are used in certain situations and have nothing against it but I do not want my child to breastfed by another woman, whether the milk is expressed or not.

I am sick with anger but am worried I am being unreasonable to be so mad. Things are really bad at the moment between us and we are currently attending mediation so I want to make sure I deal with it in the right way.

What would you do? Am I being the unreasonable one here? I really don't believe I am but am happy to hear that I am.

Thank you all smile

Confusedbeetle Sun 01-Dec-19 11:41:35

This is no ones business but yours. Ignore them

slipperywhensparticus Sun 01-Dec-19 11:42:41

What? He is giving your child expressed breast milk from his sister?

You probably wont get far unfortunately breast is best and all that but from a communication aspect I agree with you

Scousefae Sun 01-Dec-19 11:48:25

Yes, he has been feeding DS expressed milk since a few weeks old. I understand breast is best and want the best for my son but I really am not happy with him being fed another woman's milk without a discussion taking place. I am aware infections can be passed via milk and although I understand the chances of this happening are very slim.

I don't think he has been fed the expressed milk as a well being concern but out of spite as it was apparently said in a way to make me look unfit to have my DS, which really is not the case.

Do I discuss this at mediation when I'm not so angry? Or just leave it be? I don't want to stay quiet and it carry on. The sister is a massive interference and was during our short relationship and for most of my pregnancy and it seems that she is forcing the issue on ex as he is quite frankly, a pussy. (He only sees DS because he is forced into it by his family).

Squirrelplay Sun 01-Dec-19 11:48:31

Oh I wouldn't like that at all... you are right to be furious. I'm not sure what you can do though?

Cmagic7 Sun 01-Dec-19 11:49:51

I think he's being insensitive and doesn't realise how close to the heart breast-feeding can be for mums. So provided you've tried to discuss the matter with him in a reasonable way, YANBU.

Confusedbeetle Sun 01-Dec-19 11:50:47

I think you have a right to insist this does not happen

Pieceofpurplesky Sun 01-Dec-19 11:54:28

I would not let my DS go to him again. I couldn't BF my DS as I didn't produce milk. It would have broken me to find another woman feeding him her milk.
thanks

Gruzinkerbell1 Sun 01-Dec-19 11:54:49

He’s feeding your baby another person’s unscreened bodily fluids against your wishes. You are well within your rights to insist that this doesn’t happen.

DeathStare Sun 01-Dec-19 11:54:53

I'd be insisting on supervised contact only unless he is prepared to agree in writing that he does not do this again. If he wants to go to Court for unsupervised contact, that's fine. At the same time you can get a court order prohibiting this.

Wherearemycrayons Sun 01-Dec-19 11:55:27

Breast isn’t best, FED is best.
He’s totally out of line doing this without your consent, I would be livid.

BrickTop999 Sun 01-Dec-19 11:56:29

I think that is disgusting and a legal remedy to stop that is to apply for an urgent prohibited steps order under the children act. Google prohibited steps order a form C100.

LunchBoxPolice Sun 01-Dec-19 11:56:30

I’d be furious. Yanbu.

Cherrysoup Sun 01-Dec-19 11:56:44

I think I’d stop contact until that stops. It’s not morally right and as you say, could lead to infection etc. Also makes me very uncomfortable. It’s weird.

Wishforsnow Sun 01-Dec-19 11:58:06

I would be more than angry about this. I'm not sure I could hand my baby over for contact. I can't believe they think this is OK, it is just so wrong.

Scousefae Sun 01-Dec-19 11:58:27

Thanks everyone. I am now thinking along the lines of supervised access as there has been many issues other than this and I feel this is the only way I can make sure the issues stop but would he be able to hold it against me when we eventually do get to court? I am 100% sure we will get there as ex isn't happy with anything I say. He has the access he has requested and I am happy for him to see DS whenever he likes but it still isn't good enough for him.

endofthelinefinally Sun 01-Dec-19 11:58:42

Speak to your health visitor asap. This is completely inappropriate as you have not given your consent.

Lllot5 Sun 01-Dec-19 11:59:11

I would be furious absolutely fit to be tied. Stop contact unless he agrees not to do this again. Tell his sister to keep her milk to herself.

Honeybee85 Sun 01-Dec-19 11:59:12

Oh no he didn’t 😡....

It’s insensitive at least!
I would be very, very angry in your case.

It’s also irresponsable. Since breastmilk is a body fluid, there’s a risk of transmitting bloodborne diseases. I would never allow any other woman to breastfeed my DS unless it was a real case of emergency.

CurtainTwitch Sun 01-Dec-19 12:00:05

I really believe breast is best but I wouldn't like one of my DC being given breast milk from someone else.

Could you get info from a breast milk donation site & come at it from a view that the milk hasn't been treated etc??

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily Sun 01-Dec-19 12:00:41

Your sil is a worse person than your ex, because she’s actually providing the milk. There’s just something really creepy about that. Like you, OP, I’m not against wet feeding, but this feels really wrong because there’s no need for it.

ChristaMSieland Sun 01-Dec-19 12:02:42

Has his sister agreed to this? Or is he stealing it from her fridge? Do they share a house? I cannot imagine such a conversation with my brother.

OlaEliza Sun 01-Dec-19 12:03:08

YADNBU. I'd go fucking crazy. Who knows what she's got. I'd look in to whether it's possible to prosecute for contaminating your son with another persons bodily fluids or something. Surely it must be illegal without your permission.

curlykaren Sun 01-Dec-19 12:04:29

Yes, stop contact. Insist on a health screening for the person providing these fluids. Grim, I can't even imagine how upsetting this must be.

Wonderland18 Sun 01-Dec-19 12:04:49

I breast feed and wouldn’t for a second consider giving my milk to a healthy growing boy who wasn’t mine.
I’d consider donating to preemies but never ever would I push it on someone else’s child. Your Ex and his sister are 100% out of order and have totally crossed a line.

Your doing a fantastic job feeding your boy, he’s getting all he needs, is growing well and your so right to be pissed off. This wouldn’t go in his favour in court, changing a babies milk isn’t recommended in most cases never mind mix feeding without the mothers consent. Judges will not look down on formula feeding mums, your doing just as fantastic a job

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