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Cooking for another woman's husband

(185 Posts)
popsydoodle4444 Wed 27-Nov-19 19:20:37

Need to get this off my chest.

There's a back story so trying to some it up.DH's BF=married female.She hates me.She'd rather I was out of the way.Seems to think DH is hers and encourages problems in our marriage.

Seems to think I'm a neglectful wife,likes to tell me my house is a shithole and my husband hates coming home.

My DH spends far too much time there and stays over.We have had numerous massive arguments about the intimate nature of their relationship,him staying over,dodging his responsibilities at home and hiding there,him oversharing details of our marriage that's no one else's business and her shitty attitude towards me.

Her DH just goes along with whatever she does.I have a sickening suspicion that my her&my DH have also crossed the friendship line.I don't trust her as far as I can chuck her.She walked out on her ex&their kids for her current DH.

The tensions this causes in our relationship resulted in a temporary separation earlier this year.

Hubby stayed there again last night under the pretence of doing some work for them last night/today.He as usual has acted like myself&our kids don't exist for the last 24 hours which is what he does when he's there.Its complete radio silence from him.

Today I've been trying to pin him down about coming home and he won't give me a definitive answer.My Teen DD called her dad as her dad going off like this makes her anxious and asked him when he's coming home and his reply was he's going to have dinner then come home later.

This means that his BF rather than telling him to go home to his family and eat with me is cooking him dinner and encouraging him to loiter.

This has really infuriated me and I snapped and told him that if she's cooking his dinner then why not let her have a few more of my wifely duties like getting to wash his skid marks out of his underwear and swallowing a mouthful of his semen (that's the polite term I didn't use) and I told him that tonight they've both crossed a boundary.

AIBU in expecting him to do the normal thing of coming home from work to his wife for dinner for instead of continuing to leave me alone with our Children in our home whilst ignoring me.

My friends and family think he's a fool who's serving his own selfish needs and I should take the kids and move out as their all fed up with the way he treats his family.

Thanks for reading,it makes me feel better to just let it all out.

MsVestibule Wed 27-Nov-19 19:27:24

The tensions this causes in our relationship resulted in a temporary separation earlier this year

What made you get back with him? Did he promise he wouldn't see her again and then go back on it? TBH, I'm truly amazed that you tolerate any of this. Her not 'sending him back to his wife' is not the issue at all.

lunar1 Wed 27-Nov-19 19:29:04

Clearly it's not the cooking that's the issue. It really sounds like their relationship had crossed the line. I think I'd tell him to bloody stay there in these circumstances.

carolinelucaseshandbag Wed 27-Nov-19 19:31:12

Why are you with him, OP?? confused

TheHodgeoftheHedge Wed 27-Nov-19 19:31:20

Not to be a MN cliche, but your problem is not her, it’s your DH.

fligglepige Wed 27-Nov-19 19:31:28

I think it's time to make the temporary situation a permanent one.

Nousernameforme Wed 27-Nov-19 19:31:33

They are totally shagging you know that right? I mean they probably wait until hubby is in bed and she sneaks out.

Get rid of him op you deserve so much more than this? Why did you go back to him?

Kaboni19 Wed 27-Nov-19 19:32:49

YANBU - this isn't a normal set up imo
It's even worse that you and the BF don't get along and I understand why.
They are crossing friendship boundaries.
What does her DH think about everything? Is he there when your DH is staying there?

strongswans Wed 27-Nov-19 19:33:25

It sounds like their relationship crossed the line years ago. Agree with pp's the cooking isn't the issue. He is neglecting his wife and children, and can't just drop you all as and when he pleases. It's extremely damaging to the children. I would just tell him not to bother coming home, he's no longer welcome. I'm sure you and your children will feel much more secure and happier on your own.

NorthEndGal Wed 27-Nov-19 19:33:36

It sounds like he really doesn't want to be home. Has he said why?

MsRomanoff Wed 27-Nov-19 19:33:37

What?

So he basically has a girlfriend?

TartanMarbled Wed 27-Nov-19 19:33:43

I do think you have a DH problem here.

But it would not occur to me that cooking for someone else would be a problem. I cook for people all the time - my married male friends included. It's a bit 1950s to see that as stepping on you "wifely duties".

How is your own mental health? Do you feel you ever veer into the controlling/abusive sphere?

Didntwanttochangemyname Wed 27-Nov-19 19:33:50

You are angry with the wrong person. She is not the problem, your DH is the problem.
You should probably end it, the whole relationship sounds completely fucked up.

NurseButtercup Wed 27-Nov-19 19:36:19

If you was my friend, I'd tell you to stop begging him to come home and I'd pack all his stuff in black bags and send via a taxi to her house.

Raffles1981 Wed 27-Nov-19 19:36:32

My step dad had a "best friend" like this. He would do a lot of what you have listed here. She is a vile, awful woman and she constantly acts like she should be his wife. She always has and she always will cause issues between my mum and step dad. If your DH and this woman haven't crossed the line, then I would be amazed. A lot of wasted years OP, how many more do you want to waste? This woman will not stop. Whether it's you, or someone else. Women like this never know how to stand back and let go. And as long as she is giving your DH and ego boost, he will never walk away.

PinkiOcelot Wed 27-Nov-19 19:37:18

I would be telling him m not to bother coming home at all tbh. He’s taking the piss and you are allowing it OP.

Duchessgummybuns Wed 27-Nov-19 19:37:23

Echoing PP, she’s not your problem, your twat of a husband is. I’d tell her she can keep him, sounds like you’re practically single as it is.

AloeVeraLynn Wed 27-Nov-19 19:37:27

What?! Is this real?? Who would put up with this?

Mailista Wed 27-Nov-19 19:41:04

WTAF?

Tartan, it evidently doesn't occur to you either that cooking for someone is also symbolic of closeness and sharedness. In the particular context, the OP is being expected to share her husband with an OW. It's a bit of a leap to suggest that she is being controlling and/or abusive, without any evidence for this.

Her OP does, though, suggest that she and her husband would have been better remaining separated, as this relationship has, for whatever reason, gone badly wrong.

Wearywithteens Wed 27-Nov-19 19:44:21

Ffs let her have him. Why are you washing his disgusting underpants and swallowing his semen? Have some self respect and tell him to jog on.

SleepingStandingUp Wed 27-Nov-19 19:44:31

She isn't the issue.

He is.

Dump him.

Don't move out as you're making you and the kids homeless and uprooted. He can go play house at theirs.

tigerwhocametoT Wed 27-Nov-19 19:45:56

Wtf OP, how are you putting up with this? He's an arsehole and you deserve so much better.

Heartburn888 Wed 27-Nov-19 19:46:42

Don’t have him back, tell him he can stay there I defiantly seen as though he likes it so much. Dump his clothes outside their house and I’d be filing for divorce. What a weird carry on! You’ll be better off on your own.

Ponoka7 Wed 27-Nov-19 19:48:31

He's having an affair, it's up to you whether you continue to put up with it.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood Wed 27-Nov-19 19:49:53

This is so not about her cooking for him.

He is plainly having a full blown affair.

Leave him now.

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