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Bare bum in dressing room , AIBU.

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MNHQ have commented on this thread.

pinkboa Tue 26-Nov-19 22:57:46

I take DS to swimming. I got the times wrong turned up for the wrong lesson. I decide to go back to the changing room to wait. I find it hard to breath in the pool area, 30 minutes is ok, an hour and I can feel my asthma begin to act up.

There is a dad there getting his daughters dressed (fine) he was in the pool and he's down to his underwear.

Another dad arrives with his son, him and my DS are in the same lesson.

Anyways dad of daughters decides to get dressed... he drops his pants and is stark naked in front of his daughters. He is also by the door so if another parent was coming in their child would have walked into his penis! And it wasn't less than a minute because he was drying himself as well 🤢...

There are cubicles. He could have used a towel as well.

Why would and adult choose to get naked in a dressing room at a swim lesson for children with strangers around.

AIBU to find it bizarre?

His bum was also hairy and unattractive 🤢.

dontcallmeduck Tue 26-Nov-19 23:00:50

Was there just one changing room? As I’m not male or female?

I would find it very weird yes of course. But also weird you sitting in a changing room for half an hour. Granted no where near as weird.

BillHadersNewWife Tue 26-Nov-19 23:01:51

It's not his daughters I'd be concerned about but the other kids and adults! Did you complain?

Simkin Tue 26-Nov-19 23:03:04

Can't get upset about this. Presumably he was just getting himself and his daughters ready from swimming in the easiest way for him. Not like he was frotting or anything.

Happyspud Tue 26-Nov-19 23:05:06

Did he shake it all around with the towel or kind of wrong it dry?

Happyspud Tue 26-Nov-19 23:05:17


Embracelife Tue 26-Nov-19 23:05:45

He was probably German austrian Finnish or Scandinavian.
He was getting changed.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor Tue 26-Nov-19 23:06:41

So if he'd got a waxed arse it would be ok?confused

I'm not sure it would bother me unless he was waggling all round the changing room.

Fuckenstein Tue 26-Nov-19 23:07:10

I think swimming pool changing rooms is somewhere that you have to expect to see other peoples bums. Just so the polite thing and avert your eyes.

Celebelly Tue 26-Nov-19 23:07:48

Is it a unisex changing room or something? I can't quite picture the situation (maybe for the best).

Chocmallows Tue 26-Nov-19 23:08:48

Not something I would want to see and I think my DC would laugh loudly at a hairy bum and willy on show. I can see it would be a shock if someone suddenly walked around the corner!

Thestrangestthing Tue 26-Nov-19 23:09:14

Not ok in my opinion. I wouldn't get my fanny out in a room with men and other people's children around me.

MemyselfandI2019 Tue 26-Nov-19 23:09:21

Last time I checked all humans have a body. Whether it be with a penis or vagina, with or with out a hairy arse. I have no idea why a naked body offends people so much, we all have one don't we? Rather than encourage our children to be scared and ashamed of our bodies why not accept them for what they are? Our 'bits', what ever size or shape bodies are, hairness or what ever else. Just because a guy was getting changed doesn't make him a monster surely?? Of course teach our children safety (PANTS etc) but a naked body is unlikely to harm any one??

MrsFoxPlus4Again Tue 26-Nov-19 23:09:32

I mean I wouldn’t get shocked at someone being naked in a changing rooms. As long as he wasn’t doing the helicopter I’m sure he was just drying himself off

Ketomeato Tue 26-Nov-19 23:09:37

I’d HATE that. He should have used a cubicle. Ugh.

SimpleAndPlanned Tue 26-Nov-19 23:10:00

How could he see his children and get dressed? Are the cubicles big enough.

You were sat in a changing room and you are shocked at someone getting changed? I'm confused?

My daughter sees us naked so obviously sees her Dads penis so that's not the issue.

MrsFoxPlus4Again Tue 26-Nov-19 23:10:41

Is it a unisex changing room or something? I can't quite picture the situation (maybe for the best).

I was going to ask if it was open planned I just can’t imagine him being next to a door where people would walk into his penis

Ketomeato Tue 26-Nov-19 23:11:36

He could use a cubicle. He could wrap a towel around. Anything else is indecent exposure. I don’t want to see other people’s dicks.

bigdecisonsahead Tue 26-Nov-19 23:11:54

I’m surprised to be in the minority here but I don’t think anyone should be revealing bum or bits in a unisex changing room if that’s what it was.

SheOfManyNames Tue 26-Nov-19 23:12:54

Sorry, but: He is also by the door so if another parent was coming in their child would have walked into his penis sounds a little hysterical. Presumably he would have moved away if anyone else came in.
Can't get too worked up about naked people in a swimming pool changing room, sorry.

Celebelly Tue 26-Nov-19 23:12:56

At the pools near us there are either separate changing rooms or a unisex changing room that is exclusively locking cubicles, no real space to get changed outside of that and I've never seen anyone doing so. It sounds like this place has got both and it's unisex? That seems a bit weird. I can't picture a changing room where men and women are getting undressed side by side in a presumably council-run or private facility. Maybe I just haven't lived!

Akire Tue 26-Nov-19 23:14:08

Even a family change area has cubicles, there is no need for anyone to be naked. Surely he could have just wrapped a towel around himself? Even if it was in the men’s (you say you were there with your son) there could have been other dads with young daughters in the same position.

snowball28 Tue 26-Nov-19 23:15:04

I wouldn’t like that at all, is it unisex? At my sons swimming lesson there male/female charging rooms so it’s not unusual to see naked/semi naked women but obviously I’m very used to that. If I was suddenly confronted by a penis and bum of a man I’d say I’d be nervous and uncomfortable. I’d leave the room immediately to be honest.

ThatsMeInTheSpotlight Tue 26-Nov-19 23:15:05

I wouldn't think it was odd if I was in Stockholm but assuming you're in the UK, then culturally it's never been usual for adults to be naked around other people's children.

stucknoue Tue 26-Nov-19 23:15:26

If it was family unisex changing then what's the issue? Try going to Germany, they swim naked in the pool!

Celebelly Tue 26-Nov-19 23:16:25

I don't think it's weird if he's in the men's changing room. I do think it's weird if he's in a unisex changing space with cubicles and is getting naked outside of a cubicle when it's a mixed sex space. The pool by us has family cubicles that we can all fit in when we go together. I think I'd be a bit baffled to see a random penis in the wild when there's no real need for it.

Ketomeato Tue 26-Nov-19 23:16:57

Naked in the pool? Nooooooooo

TrixieFranklin Tue 26-Nov-19 23:17:21

"Walked into his penis" grin
Hairy bum for him, hairy hands for you.

MrsFoxPlus4Again Tue 26-Nov-19 23:18:53

see a random penis in the wild gringrin

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily Tue 26-Nov-19 23:19:48

I couldn’t give a shit what they do in Germany, Sweden or tucking Timbuktu and I’m sick of other countries being used as examples of how certain posters think we should behave! If people don’t want to see naked bodies, because that’s not the norm in the UK/NI, then they have the right to feel offended, annoyed, etc.

madcatladyforever Tue 26-Nov-19 23:20:06

I'm a naturist and I would be super pissed off if a man was waving his penis about in front of my children.
There is a time and a place and this wasn't it.

pinkboa Tue 26-Nov-19 23:21:05

Sorry it wasn't unisex it's the men's. It's always empty as there are less dads at lessons so I take my son in there.

The women's is usually crowded.

I've never seen other men do that. They usually use a cubicle or use a towel. Other men being the teachers. As I said there was another dad and son sitting in there so I wasn't the only one in the room.

I find the humidity in the pool area affects my asthma so I don't like hanging in there longer than I have to. As I said it's my fault for turning up early.

I'm not fussed about nakedness I just thought in that situation a towel would have been appropriate. I also get the inability to watch kids from a cubicle. But a towel?

Also yes, if you entered with your child you would have both walked into an adult mans penis... I said child because most people let their kids in first. There is no corner so it's door open and hello outside.

RockinHippy Tue 26-Nov-19 23:21:07


hopelesssuitcase Tue 26-Nov-19 23:21:14

Never seen that happen, can't picture what kind of British changing room this would happen in

Ketomeato Tue 26-Nov-19 23:22:19

Why were you in the men’s?????

MillicentMartha Tue 26-Nov-19 23:22:29

Are you a woman, OP? If so what the hell are you doing in the men’s changing rooms?

sparepantsandtoothbrush Tue 26-Nov-19 23:22:39

You're a female in the men's changing rooms. You're in the wrong here

pinkboa Tue 26-Nov-19 23:22:45

And yes it's in the UK.

MrsFoxPlus4Again Tue 26-Nov-19 23:23:00

@madcatladyforever nobody was waving there penis around from the OPs story the man was getting dried and dressed. No waving or helicoptering involved

Celebelly Tue 26-Nov-19 23:23:03

Wait so you were a woman going into a men's changing room and upset there was a penis there? I'm guessing if a man had come into the women's changing room because it was less busy there would have been uproar! I think YABU and just need to stick to the women's changing room. Probably not any penises in there. Might be some hairy bums though.

ILearnedItFromABook Tue 26-Nov-19 23:23:12

No, if you might be seen by other children (or in my apparently very repressed family, even your own), you don't just let everything hang out. You make a concerted effort to not inflict the sight of your naked body on other (non-consenting) people, whatever their ages.

Notcontent Tue 26-Nov-19 23:23:30

What?? It was the men’s changing room and you are offended??? What did you expect to find in the men’s changing room?.

BestOption Tue 26-Nov-19 23:23:51

@Ketomeato * He could use a cubicle. He could wrap a towel around. Anything else is indecent exposure*

Don’t be daft it’s a swimming pool changing room, not the high street!

@pinkboa it’s a changing room, people get changed. Half the population has a penis, & pretty much everyone has a bum...really nothing to get over excited about.

As a child my Dad used to take me swimming and I’d get changed with him in the mens changing room. 🤷🏻‍♀️ No trauma.

luckygreeneyes Tue 26-Nov-19 23:23:57

Why didn’t you wait in the women’s changing room? YABU

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily Tue 26-Nov-19 23:24:15

If you’re a woman, OP, stay the fuck out of the name changing rooms! They have the right to dignity and privacy too. Did you deliberately give the impression that it was mixed sex changing rooms in order to get posters riled up. A naked man in a Male changing room is completely different to a mixed sex changing room.

MonstranceClock Tue 26-Nov-19 23:24:16

I’ll never understand the British squeamishness about the naked body. We all have one. What’s the big deal.

DillyDilly Tue 26-Nov-19 23:24:24

But you were in the men’s changing area and there was a man changing. What exactly is the issue?

Northernsoullover Tue 26-Nov-19 23:25:00

So you were upset because you saw a mans penis in a male changing room? Are you female? If so you shouldn't have been in there.
Don't get me wrong I wouldn't want to see a John Thomas flapping around but I couldn't get worked up if I was trespassing

Ketomeato Tue 26-Nov-19 23:25:10

BestOption I take it back. It was the men’s changing rooms, he can do what he likes in there. The OP shouldn’t have been in there

SevenStones Tue 26-Nov-19 23:25:32

Man gets changed in men's changing room.


ILearnedItFromABook Tue 26-Nov-19 23:25:43

...Eh, wait a minute...

You were in the men's changing room? Well, never mind, then. I still wouldn't have been comfortable with my own father undressed in front of me as a child, but it's not quite the same thing as if he'd done that in the women's room...

Still, if there are cubicles, he really ought to have used them. It was your own fault you had to see his nude bottom, though!

Celebelly Tue 26-Nov-19 23:26:03

Can you imagine this the other way round? A man going into a women's changing room (I mean that alone would have been an end to that story) and being offended because there were boobs and a fanny on show. A bit ridiculous, hmm? Every women's changing room I've been in, there have been women in various states of nudity. That's just what happens when one is getting undressed.

BestOption Tue 26-Nov-19 23:26:22


For the love of fuck I’ve just read your updates - YOU were in the MENS.

You’re the one in the wrong, not him.

MillicentMartha Tue 26-Nov-19 23:26:39

I used to go to a disabled family swim just after children’s swimming lessons. No cubicles in the changing rooms. So many times men came in their with their DDs as I was getting changed. Just no. Adults stay in their own sex changing room.

MrsFoxPlus4Again Tue 26-Nov-19 23:26:41

I love these threads, walking into willys, wild willys, throwing them around the changing rooms, trespassing to see how many wild ones you can walk into grin

Diemme Tue 26-Nov-19 23:26:43

This isn't remotely normal and I'm baffled by these responses. There was an overwhelming opinion on here in favour of boycotting m&s for allowing men to try clothes on in a locked cubicle next to a girl. But suddenly unisex swimming pool changing rooms with open changing areas are fine!

TrixieFranklin Tue 26-Nov-19 23:26:42

If this was a man sitting and watching women for half an hour in the women's changing room I imagine there would be absolute hell to pay and probably a conviction. What the actual fuck is wrong with you?!

lizzzyyliveson Tue 26-Nov-19 23:26:55

Maybe he was making a passive aggressive point that women shouldn't be in the men's changing rooms because there is the risk of seeing something you'd rather not. In future, use the women's changing rooms and let the men have their private space.

LaBelleSauvage Tue 26-Nov-19 23:27:02

A naked man in a male changing room.


Unless he was blow drying his pubes and windmilling...??

NameChange84 Tue 26-Nov-19 23:27:05

I don't think it's on to be honest. However, I feel like I am totally in the minority because at my local gym (set in a Village Hotel) there are always women walking around stark naked, creaming themselves, sometimes even standing naked while drying their hair at the mirrors etc all in front of children (not their children) who are getting changed after swimming. Again, there are private cubicles but they aren't big enough for families. At a push you could fit in one adult and one very small child. The main space is where most families have to change and there is even a play pen in that area for babies. Doesn't stop the solo exhibitionists taking their sweet time flouncing around nude and, genuinely I promise I am not exaggerating, sticking their bare bums in your face while they are bending over for something or worse, putting one leg up on the benches so you get an eyeful while they put body lotion on their legs.

Fair enough it's different in Germany or Finland or wherever but it's not our culture here and there is no need to flaunt nudity especially around young children who you aren't the parents of.

You don't NEED to be exposed. It's easy enough to whip your cossie or trunks off under a towel and pop some underwear on. The man seems ignorant of what is and isn't appropriate.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily Tue 26-Nov-19 23:27:15

I smell bullshit, because it’s highly unlikely that the OP wouldn’t have been told to leave by male swimmers in a changing room. Nice try OP, here’s a biscuit for your troubles. biscuit

pinkboa Tue 26-Nov-19 23:27:25

I don't care about the nakedness I'm just wondering why he would choose to be naked in front of other people's children. A towel would have been considerate. I wasn't the only one in there. There was another father and his son.

I'm an adult I know what human bodies look like.

What I am hearing is it would be ok if it was my husband and son.

I'm not British and I did not see anyone's penis! I said bum! Hairy bum!

Frankly as a woman, with a son why can't I take him to the Male changing room? confused...

MillicentMartha Tue 26-Nov-19 23:27:40

*in there with their DDs

Fiveletters Tue 26-Nov-19 23:27:46

You went in the male changing room just to have a sit down?! hmm

MillicentMartha Tue 26-Nov-19 23:28:18

Because you are a woman. You dinlo.

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap Tue 26-Nov-19 23:28:36

Yes you are being effing unreasonable for not stating in your OP that you were in the MENS changing room, not a unisex/family one as everyone has, not unexpectedly, thought.
Really not a surprise to see a penis/hairy bum in the MENS.
Is this where you declare you are actually a man and were only thinking of the children?

MrsFoxPlus4Again Tue 26-Nov-19 23:29:20

To be honest you could have seen a hairy bum in the women’s changing room as well

TrixieFranklin Tue 26-Nov-19 23:29:31

Because you aren't male.

Wildorchidz Tue 26-Nov-19 23:29:57


Diemme Tue 26-Nov-19 23:30:17

Ha ignore my post, hadn't realised it was the men's

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER Tue 26-Nov-19 23:30:33

Well said, *@TOtallyfuckedupfamily*.
I'm not remotely embarrassed by bodies, bit at the same time, most adults look vastly better with a few clothes on. I don't particularly want to see their arses, hairy or otherwise, dangly bits or wobbly bits, thanks very much.
The Swedes, Germans, Scandis et al are welcome to them.

Purpleartichoke Tue 26-Nov-19 23:30:37

Our unisex space has centralized lockers, but it’s very clear changing is only to happen in the locking side rooms.

The sex segregated changing room is the only place open changing happens. It has no cubicles.

TrixieFranklin Tue 26-Nov-19 23:30:35

And your judgemental body shaming is disgusting, I'd be more ashamed for children to pick up on that than a glance of a bum or penis in the MENs room.

Charliecatpaws Tue 26-Nov-19 23:30:49

Why go into the men’s changing room? I’m surprised you weren’t asked to leave 🤷🏼‍♀️ Can you explain why you didn’t go into the women’s changing room?

NameChange84 Tue 26-Nov-19 23:30:54

I assumed the poster was male...agree a person of the opposite sex is out of order sitting for half an hour in a changing room which isn't for their sex!

MillicentMartha Tue 26-Nov-19 23:31:03

In most public swimming pools only under 8s are allowed in the wrong sex changing room with their opposite sex parent. Adults are not allowed.

Bunney2020 Tue 26-Nov-19 23:31:11

Frankly as a woman, with a son why can't I take him to the Male changing room?
This can’t be real no one is this obtuse.

Comefromaway Tue 26-Nov-19 23:31:22

My husband tells me that in the men’s changing room the men aren’t bothered about modesty. He was bemused that in the women’s people shower in their costume.

OP, if it bothers you, get out of there. Assuming you are a woman you should not be in there and are lucky not to have been thrown out.

WhenISnappedAndFarted Tue 26-Nov-19 23:32:03

I was ready to say YABU, I wouldn't have liked to see it but it wouldn't be anything I can get worked up about. Then I saw you said you were in the mens changing room - YABVU.

YABVU to get annoyed about this when you're in the mens changing rooms - get out of them!

bigdecisonsahead Tue 26-Nov-19 23:32:04

FGS op! The men’s bloody changing room!!

What would you post have been like if you’d been naked in the women’s and a man had walked in?!

LaBelleSauvage Tue 26-Nov-19 23:32:50

OP are you some sort of sexual deviant?

I can picture it now from the reverse. A man caught in a female changing room watching all the ladies in the nude... "but I had to! My asthma! The oxygen in the ladies change is purer than the male! The naked breasts relax my bronchioles!"

Come up with a better cover OP. Also- top tip:

You can look at naked men online you know - but be SURE to use a cubicle when you do.


MrsFoxPlus4Again Tue 26-Nov-19 23:32:53

Frankly as a woman, with a son why can't I take him to the Male changing room?

Well I can’t imagine the uproar you’d have if he used the female changing rooms as a man with daughters. Your fuming you seen his bum in the males

WorraLiberty Tue 26-Nov-19 23:33:35

You're lucky the man didn't get you banned from the changing room confused

If the women's is crowded, ask them to shove up a bit.

luckygreeneyes Tue 26-Nov-19 23:33:44

If your son is young enough to need help changing take him into the ladies you absolute eejit

vivapuff Tue 26-Nov-19 23:34:09

I'm imagining this man's post:

I took my kids to swimming lessons today and as we were getting changed there was a women sitting in the men's changing room. She had a child with her but wasn't changing him or anything -- she was just sitting watching everyone else changing. I tried to turn away from her as I changed but i could feel her eyes on me. Would I be unreasonable to ask her to report her behaviour to the pool staff?

Lipperfromchipper Tue 26-Nov-19 23:34:24

Why on earth were you in the make changing area OP??!!! In our swimming pool parents take children to the males changing if they are with dad, female changing if they are with mum and family change room if they are altogether! YOU are the one in the wrong here!! And fwiw I get changed in front of other children in the change rooms....last I checked we are all human!! Because that’s what it is...A CHANGING ROOM! Where you expect ppl to be naked/semi naked for brief periods of time!! Ffs OP YABVU!!

Dislocatedeyeballs Tue 26-Nov-19 23:34:37

Yuk I don't believe in unisex changing rooms too much potential for abuse. I once had a peeping tom in a female changing room it was horrible and I firmly believe they should be kept separate and family ones should be private too although if its a truly unisex changing room u can't really complain ugh

pinkboa Tue 26-Nov-19 23:34:41

I'm not a man... didn't say I was offended by his nakedness

I asked was it bizarre not to have worn a towel at least... well that is what I am asking.

But I get it's ok if it was my husband and son.

I've also never been in a changing room with women walking around naked... they usually have a towel on.

I was there for 30 minutes he came and saw me there. My bag was also in the room so yes I went back there.

I also get it's my fault for going to the men's, didn't know this was standard behaviour. Duly noted & IABU.

Shoppingwithmother Tue 26-Nov-19 23:35:22

OP - You can’t take your son in the men’s changing room because you are not a man. When you have small children the child of whatever sex goes in the changing room for the correct sex of the adult they are with - it’s what everyone does except you.

I expect you’d be the first to complain if a man sat for half an hour in the women’s changing rooms while you wanted to get changed.

@NameChange84 LOL at “creaming themselves” Maybe they were overexcited by bumping into someone’s penis?

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords Tue 26-Nov-19 23:35:29

You shouldn't be going in the men's changing room, so YABU for that. I think it's bad enough you think it's ok for you to change your son in there, but it's really bizarre you think it's appropriate to just sit in there whilst others change. Imagine a man doing that in the women's.

he drops his pants and is stark naked in front of his daughters. why did you feel a need to say this, would you mind if it was a mother, or if he had sons?

MrsFoxPlus4Again Tue 26-Nov-19 23:35:29

Lesson learned no more willy wild watching for you OP

Redglitter Tue 26-Nov-19 23:35:33

You should never have been in the mens changing rooms in the first place. If your son isnt old enough to go in on his own he should be in the female one with you.

How on earth did you think it was acceptable to go sit in the mens changing room just to have a break.

Ffs inagine a man coming on here to post about sitting having a rest in a womans changing room.

I've read some batshit threads on here but this takes the biscuit

TrixieFranklin Tue 26-Nov-19 23:35:57

@MrsFoxPlus4Again grin

luckygreeneyes Tue 26-Nov-19 23:36:12

How old is your son?

Dislocatedeyeballs Tue 26-Nov-19 23:36:42

Hang on were u in the men's then?? Well that's different if so what the hell were you doin in there?! I'm confused

TrixieFranklin Tue 26-Nov-19 23:37:00

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NoSquirrels Tue 26-Nov-19 23:37:02

I'm not British and I did not see anyone's penis! I said bum! Hairy bum!

I was just about to ask if you were British! grin

What I am hearing is it would be ok if it was my husband and son.
Yes. Or if you took your son into the ladies changing room instead.

Frankly as a woman, with a son why can't I take him to the Male changing room?

Because the adults go to the changing room of their sex and their dependent children of either sex accompany the adult. At about 7/8 years old, the children use the changing room of their own sex, as they don’t need an adult to help.

WhenISnappedAndFarted Tue 26-Nov-19 23:37:15

My DP and I go swimming regularly. There's always at least one naked women walking around when I've been and I've just asked him and he's said that there's always naked men when he goes as well.

I don't personally because I've not got the body confidence but I can't believe you've never seen women walk around naked.

Frlrlrubert Tue 26-Nov-19 23:37:16

Ffs, people have bodies, children are not scarred by bodies. Children are not at risk in the men's because they are accompanied by a responsible adult.

Given the only female children were his, and he obviously was polite enough to turn his back to you, I really don't see the issue. He was probably only facing the door because he was trying to not flash his knob at you!

Where I take DD there are no cubicles in the single sex changing rooms, I face the wall but if a child gets a flash of arse or boob while I'm changing it's tough luck.

Also, wrangling children while getting changed in a cubicle is a right pain - and he either takes them in with him (even closer to his penis!) or leaves them unaccompanied in the men's...

pinkboa Tue 26-Nov-19 23:37:45

I did explain why I don't go to the females... the changing room is small there are more women and children. It is always crowded.

It's at a school, not your local leisure centre.

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