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Am I the Arsehole here?.....

(90 Posts)
Appreciateyourthoughts Fri 22-Nov-19 20:56:38

I'm in bed, bf is downstairs after a massive argument earlier.
We are working things out as our relationship has been very rocky for months. He has a tendency to go out on the piss, not return home and not contact me for 12+ hours. He knows I worry due to previous relationship and let's be honest here, who wouldn't?

Anyway, things have been going great. We'd planned a Christmas shopping trip to a nearby city for tomorrow, we have been looking forward to it all week. Earlier today one of his mates who he always disappears with calls him and ask him out for a few pints (can I just add these men have ZERO control and I've never known them to have just a few, it's always an absolute skin full and then some) ... So he comes home and asks me if I wanted to go for a drink with him and these mates ..... I've kicked off for the following reasons....

1) I believe he's only asked me knowing I'd say no and tell him to go. They drink in a grotty shit hole of a pub, full of coke heads! Entirely not my scene and he NEVER asks me out with them.

2) The children are with their dad this weekend, so we had BOTH planned a lovely day tomorrow, a nice meal, get the kids (mine from a previous relationship) Xmas present sorted which he thoroughly enjoys doing and spending some quality time out and about together.
When he drinks the next 2 days are completely written off as he's tired, rough, moody and lazy..

I'm laying here wondering if I have overreacted. I'm due on my period tomorrow and my hormones do send my mind bat shit crazy.

AIBU to have kicked off over him asking me to go for a drink with them? Even though I strongly believe he had no intention of me joining them 😬

katewhinesalot Sat 23-Nov-19 09:58:03

Or is he not talking to you because he's not gone out and you are still giving him grief and after now refusing to go out?

Does he feel there is any point discussing it as you won't let it go and the day is ruined anyway?

It's difficult tio tell as we don't know the dynamics of everyday life.

Appreciateyourthoughts Sat 23-Nov-19 10:00:28

@HazySunsets but he's not speaking to me! I sat next to him, asked if we could talk and he ignored me! So how am I "cutting off my nose to spite my face"??

mummmy2017 Sat 23-Nov-19 10:01:52

He said about going out.
You said no, he stayed home.
You sulked in your bedroom.
He could have slept on the sofa bit he came to bed.
You cancelled the day out.
This bloke can't win, even when he does stay home.
He won't see it like you do, to him you can't be pleased.
You catch more flys with honey than vinegar.

TowelNumber42 Sat 23-Nov-19 10:05:11

Boyfriends are supposed to be fun. This sounds depressing and grim.

diddl Sat 23-Nov-19 10:11:03

Why did you ask him to talk though?

Why not just get on with the day?

Tooner Sat 23-Nov-19 10:15:41

He's a twat. He didn't go out because he knew you would be really annoyed if he did and now he's gone in a big huff because he really wanted to go out and you spoilt it for him.

He's pathetic. Any normal person would just get over it and enjoy the day you had planned that he suggested.

I really don't think he is worth all this anguish OP. As long as he has the same mates and the same desire to go out and get rat arsed then nit coming home for hours then things are not going to get better long term.

SouthernComforts Sat 23-Nov-19 10:18:19

This sounds miserable OP. If you call it a day with this one, you will give yourself a chance to meet someone you are compatible with, and threads like this will make you think wtf was I ever doing with him.

It's not working, you aren't happy. Don't waste your life trying to force/nag/argue him into being just decent enough sometimes to stay with.

diddl Sat 23-Nov-19 10:31:14

" he really wanted to go out and you spoilt it for him."

Well that's the thing isn't it?

If he wasn't so dependent on alcohol, he could have gone out last night & been fit enough to go out today!

rainbowstardrops Sat 23-Nov-19 10:44:02

Leave him to his sulking.

diddl Sat 23-Nov-19 10:46:59

*"Leave him to his sulking."

Or just leave him?

NearlyGranny Sat 23-Nov-19 10:59:19

He may see it as you spoiling his night out so he retaliate by spoiling the joint day out he planned.

Stalemate. He's a sulky non-communicator and no fuun at all!

BumbleBeee69 Sat 23-Nov-19 13:11:13

He sounds like a right childish pratt OP.

EleanorShellstrop100 Sat 23-Nov-19 13:45:45

Just sounds like you’re incompatible. I’d call it a day because either you’ll keep asking him to stay in and he will end up resenting you or he will keep asking to go out and you’ll end up having this argument over and over.

yuiop Sat 23-Nov-19 20:40:17

I honestly don't know why you're with this guy. I'd have dumped him a long time ago. He's not an adult, he's a childish knob and I wouldn't have him near kids.

Havaina Sat 23-Nov-19 20:51:34

What happened in the end OP?

I hope you went without him.

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