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Woman won't leave my child alone.

(85 Posts)
Rowenbrew Thu 21-Nov-19 10:06:50

Bit of a long one but looking for some advice. My DS went to a local school for a while and made friends with another boy there. All normal, met the mum in the play ground, talked a few time, exchanged numbers and had couple of play dates. She said he child was autistic and had ADHD, no problem, our kids are friends and they have fun playing together but after a few times things didn't seem to quite feel right. Her child was a handful and that is okay but some of the things he said and did didn't sit right. The mum told me that the school was out to get her and thought she was a problem and didn't believe her son had ADHD, she told me social services were involved and that they doubted her too, she would get very animated about how she was a victim of everyone's misunderstanding her and that so many people were out to get her. She also fell out with a lot of the other parents at school. I felt more and more uncomfortable and eventually I asked her to please leave us alone and stop coming over. I didn't want to be mean but I was very uncomfortable with her and didn't want to leave my child with her or have her round. She left in tears. I felt bad but thought that was it. Not long after she turns up at my home and says it is an emergency and could we look after her son, I didn't feel comfortable but she said she had to take her older child to an interview and there was no one else so we agreed. After that she kept trying to arrange more play dates, inviting my son to birthdays parties. I declined, politely. Then she cornered me in the play ground and said that I wouldn't let my child play with hers because of her mental illness (she says she has BPD) and that I was discriminating. The truth is I think she has zero boundaries and I don't want her looking after my child. At this point I wrote her a long text message, I stated that I wanted her to stay away from me and my child and that I was blocking her number and wanted her to not contact us again. After this every time she has had the chance she comes over to my son and tries to engage him. She has gone up to him in a play park when I was a few meters away and given him sweets, offered to buy him a toy and when I said that was not appropriate loudly exclaimed to my now upset child that she was 'so sorry he couldn't be bought the toy' She saw him on another occasion and offered him a games console which again I declined which of course upset my son. My son is 10 and I am now afraid to let him play in the park with his friends unless I am actually standing within 2 feet of him because she will approach him if she catches me not looking. Yesterday I was in a shop at the counter and my son was looking at things on the shelf, she came into the shop, saw him and started talking to him about her sons latest diagnosis and saying how much her son missed playing with him. I know I can't stop people talking to my child when we are out and about but honestly I am getting super creeped out. How can I stop her? Or am I being unreasonable? It is not a 10 year olds job to put in the boundaries with an adult and I can understand why he would find the idea appealing if being offered sweets and toys and games consoles, he also really liked her son and would like to play with him again but I really don't feel safe around her.

JasonPollack Thu 21-Nov-19 11:00:41

This is freaky and I would be speaking to the police. You have asked her to leave you and your child alone and she is not. See if you can speak to your community policing PCSO person and have them go round for a quiet word and tell her to back the fuck off.

JasonPollack Thu 21-Nov-19 11:01:32

What have you said to your son? Surely by 10 you can explain that's she's not right and not to speak to her?

Sunflowersok Thu 21-Nov-19 11:06:25

I’d definitely be speaking to the police about it. This is harassment towards you and your son.

Tvstar Thu 21-Nov-19 11:09:28

It sounds as though she has a special need. I think maybe you should try being a bit kinder

blackteasplease Thu 21-Nov-19 11:13:03

Also you don’t have to have an “equal opportunities” policy as to who you are friends with!!

Looneytune253 Thu 21-Nov-19 11:14:53

It does all sound a bit weird but it seems like you've decided not to let the boys play together mainly because other people have fell out with her and she sounds like she's clinging on to the only good friend her son with sen has had which can sometimes be hard to come by when your child is different. I do feel sorry for her and her son but I'm aware I don't know the full story!

LochJessMonster Thu 21-Nov-19 11:15:48

I think you were a bit mean cutting off a friendship between the 2 boys.
If you weren't happy with her supervising, why don't you arrange the play date at your house?

You've not really given a reason as to why you stopped the boys playing.

makingmammaries Thu 21-Nov-19 11:15:53

You’ve been perfectly kind enough, OP, this is borderline stalking and some police advice would be the right thing to seek.

Beautiful3 Thu 21-Nov-19 11:17:03

Your son is 10 so you can tell him, when you see x walk away, when she talks to you just say, "no thanks and leave." If she comes into the shop, just walk out, round he block then go back when shes gone. Explain to him that she is mentally ill so best not to talk to her. I had an issue with a school mum who I now know has mental health issues. My children cannot stand her so I've told the eldest to walk away whenever they see her. Otherwise she is too much and hard to shake off, and talks about inappropriate things.

Dita73 Thu 21-Nov-19 11:19:54

Speak to the police and get an injunction against her. She may well have problems and yes it’s sad but it’s not your problem. She’s pestering your son and being highly inappropriate when you’ve told her not to. I wouldn’t hesitate

Yummymummy2020 Thu 21-Nov-19 11:20:29

I really feel for you on this one it’s a really awful situation! I get that you don’t want to be unkind and I also get the concern about this lady, it doesn't sound like normal behaviour and to be honest I would be wary myself. I’m not even sure what advice to give you, because I don’t know what is the best thing to do. I would explain to your son your concerns though. I know a neighbour of mine had a similar issue though and she explained it to her daughter that she wasn’t comfortable with her talking to a particular character in the village and that did work. She basically told the daughter to be polite but not stop walking to speak with them and basically always be in a hurry to get somewhere as far as said character was concerned. This may not work for you though if it’s happening in park or shop situations! I’ll be following with interest to see what others suggest!

Overtime2019 Thu 21-Nov-19 11:22:25

At first I thought you were talking about one of the mums at my daughters school as she's the same and it is concering and scary please just say to her if she doesn't stop you will be phoning the police

CravingCheese Thu 21-Nov-19 11:31:06

The friendship between the son‘s (especially at school etc) sounds fine to me.

But the mother sounds absolutely crazy. I‘d also inform the police, yes.

silly0ne Thu 21-Nov-19 11:32:59

It could be the case that if her child has ADHD/autism, he could be asking his mum to help him see his 'friend'. The mum, with all the additional pressures (social services BPD) may feel that she has to help her son maintain this 'friendship' to prevent whatever meltdowns at home.

Like others have advised, instruct your son to be polite, but to refuse gifts and so on. It really does sound like this lady has some significant personal and family needs.

Does the woman's son have any other friends at school?

loobyloo1234 Thu 21-Nov-19 11:37:58

I think the Police have much bigger problems than this. Why do people always suggest calling them for such trivial crap? confused

At 10 years of age, your son is old enough to be told not to talk to this woman surely?

She clearly has an issue with boundaries but it doesnt sound like she is dangerous

Inebriati Thu 21-Nov-19 11:40:26

It can be really scary to be on the receiving end of this kind of unwanted attention.
You've tried asking her to leave you alone and she keeps approaching you, so its time to talk to the school, police and Paladin stalking services.

GrumpyHoonMain Thu 21-Nov-19 11:40:35

Speak to the police and get a restraining order. I would also tell the school.

Whiskers14 Thu 21-Nov-19 11:42:57

Your son is 10 and therefore must know the difference between right and wrong? So explain to him that she is wrong in trying to bribe him with sweets and consoles to be friends with her son and that's why you say no. It's a tough one though, because it doesn't sound like she's a bad person, she's just someone you don't like and I wonder how much of that is fuelled by playground gossip about other people falling out with her?

BillHadersNewWife Thu 21-Nov-19 11:43:45

Restraining order...immediately. This is very worrying OP.

If she does have MH issues, it's very unfortunate but it's not your problem.

BillHadersNewWife Thu 21-Nov-19 11:44:31

Looby wtf?? Are you really that ignorant? This woman is obviously unwell! OP's son should not HAVE to deal with her!

CravingCheese Thu 21-Nov-19 11:50:52

I think the Police have much bigger problems than this. Why do people always suggest calling them for such trivial crap? confused

Really? An adult is harassing a 10 yo. Following a child, offering sweets or to buy toys (in the context of trying to establish some sort of relationship) and is engaging in clearly inappropriate behaviour.

But the police has 'bigger problems than this'? Than the safety of children?

parietal Thu 21-Nov-19 11:51:49

are the boys still friends? do they enjoy each other's company at school?

if so, can you invite the other boy to your house where you have control?

but at the same time, give your son some words he can say to disengage from her.

Wtfdoipick Thu 21-Nov-19 11:56:24

Her child was a handful and that is okay but some of the things he said and did didn't sit right.

There are issues between the boys and the op wants to protect her son.

It also sounds like the autism and ADHD are not officially diagnosed but the mother making the decision that the boy has them since she's told the op that neither the school nor ss believe her. Maybe the boy does need friends but the op does not need to put her son in harms way or make him unhappy to facilitate that.

Quineothebroch Thu 21-Nov-19 11:58:28

If the woman/mother was a man what would you do?

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