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This is racist aibu to dump

(246 Posts)
Shinnoo Wed 20-Nov-19 22:47:20

We are both white.

Bf described an annoying customer to me as an 'angry little Indian man'.

When I said that is totally unacceptable, he said well he was angry and he was of South Indian descent so what I supposed to say?

And I was like errr if you're going to use diminutive , negative words before an ethnic description that is racism and is totally unacceptable to me.

He said i always have to watch my ps and qs with you

Wtaf??

SandyY2K Wed 20-Nov-19 22:49:44

If it doesn't sit well with you, then you have every right to end the relationship.

Some ppl have a habit of describing situations that involve others using ethnicity as descriptions.

GrumpyHoonMain Wed 20-Nov-19 22:52:15

It probably wasn’t even accurate: the man could have been British, Pakistani, Afghani, Middle Eastern, Bangladeshi, Thai, Malay, Sri Lankan, South American etc etc for all he knows. Not all short brown men are Indian. Dump and run

GrumpyHoonMain Wed 20-Nov-19 22:52:49

@SandyY2K - India is a country not an ethnicity hmm

Drpeppered Wed 20-Nov-19 22:52:56

His ethnicity had nothing to do with anything. Yanbu.

recrudesence Wed 20-Nov-19 22:53:22

You have very strict standards, fair enough. But I think you might be looking forward to a lonely old age.

JasonPollack Wed 20-Nov-19 22:55:31

YANBU not racist is a minimum standard, not a strict one hmm

Shinnoo Wed 20-Nov-19 23:03:58

I think it's unacceptable.

If my old age is lonely and has an absence of racism, so be it hmm

CommunistLegoBloc Wed 20-Nov-19 23:08:15

Some ppl have a habit of describing situations that involve others using ethnicity as descriptions.

Yes, and like many habits, it's extremely unappealing...

Freewheelingto40 Wed 20-Nov-19 23:10:15

I'm irish if I heard someone say the same sentence using Irish instead of Indian.. Id think nothing of it. The man was from India..?? What if the man was a really nice Irish/Indian customer, can we not say so? World's gone mad

Tillygetsit Wed 20-Nov-19 23:11:00

Dump him.

user1493242132 Wed 20-Nov-19 23:15:10

Happy to be known as the angry Indian woman! What else could I be confused

MustardScreams Wed 20-Nov-19 23:17:45

Fucking hell, imagine thinking not being racist is a strict standard.

Op I would feel exactly the same as you. This thread is going to bring out the dog-whistle and blatant racists of MN though.

Trews2019 Wed 20-Nov-19 23:24:36

Of course it’s racist. Even if he actually was Indian, what relevance was it to anything? Would he have referred to someone as an angry little English man? Of course he wouldn’t.

SandyY2K Wed 20-Nov-19 23:25:54

@GrumpyHoonMain

@SandyY2K - India is a country not an ethnicity hmm

Well done you. Top marks.hmm

Trews2019 Wed 20-Nov-19 23:27:12

Oh and ‘always have to watch my Ps and Qs with you’ means he objects to you pulling him up on his racist comments.

ContessaLovesTheSunshine Wed 20-Nov-19 23:32:39

I'm constantly having to tell DH to call individuals fucking wankers and not <insert ethnicity> fucking wankers. I started out on the same page as him but realised over time it was not acceptable and stopped doing it. Sadly he hasn't. It's infuriating for both of us angry

ContessaLovesTheSunshine Wed 20-Nov-19 23:33:17

..... By which I mean YANBU to consider dumping his arse!

CareBear50 Wed 20-Nov-19 23:41:22

I fail to see how this is racist.

Like s previous poster said, if you used the word Irish (or French or German) it would be unlikely that you'd be accused of an "ism" . Under theses circumstances I'd see it as a word that helps give a fuller picture of the person you're describing.

Now, if he'd said..... I hate Indians...they're all tossers, for example, that is definitely not ok at all and is wrong on every level.

But if you're not happy with what he said OP, then you'd be better finding someone more aligned to your thinking of comments like this could eat away at your relationship.

Preparing to be flamed!

SaveTheTreesPlease Wed 20-Nov-19 23:41:53

I don’t think I could find someone attractive if they thought this kind of thing was acceptable. He sounds like a bit of a twat tbh OP. Well done for calling him out on it anyway.

SaveTheTreesPlease Wed 20-Nov-19 23:44:37

And I’m really surprised so many people fail to see how his comment was pejorative. I mean what did the man’s ethnicity have to do with the fact he was angry, FFS?!

RaininSummer Wed 20-Nov-19 23:47:34

Surely saying he was an angry little Indian man is no different to saying somebody is a happy, tall German woman. It's being descriptive not racist

alexdgr8 Thu 21-Nov-19 00:02:29

it's just as well this has come out now.
follow your instincts, they are your preservation, survival instinct.
you don't have to justify it, to yourself, or him. just leave calmly.
although I think it is perfectly justifiable, by the way, but that is secondary really. the main point is that it jarred with you.
you cannot live with someone whose words behaviour causes this reaction.
no need to discuss it further with him, don't try to change or challenge him. don't share your feelings with people you are moving away from. just move away. you are not compatible.
move on up.

onioncrumble Thu 21-Nov-19 02:50:48

Goodness, don't ever go to India or the Phillipines! People are described by their ethnicity, body weight, wealth and any cupboard skeletons that can be dragged out. The first thing you are asked a zillion times a day is where are you from. I sometimes wonder how people who move to the UK from these countries manage and don't get arrested for their opinions and driving in the first week grin

KnowMenClature Thu 21-Nov-19 03:04:48

Hilarious Onion grin. Me too!

Calling indians angry is racist.

Using descriptors of people is not.

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