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Friend not paid for hen party. Would I BU to...

(194 Posts)
HonestTeacher Wed 20-Nov-19 17:06:01

Looking for some advice. I probably am being really unreasonable and passive aggressive too so feel free to tell me so!

A group of friends and I booked a weekend away for my hen party. Everyone confirmed they were happy with dates and costs. I booked and paid for it all. One person has not paid and is now saying they will not be coming (Quite a flaky friend- always cancels). I explained that I had paid for her place but she is refusing to give me the £100. I'm not going to ask the others to split the cost of her place because it is not fair for their costs to go up because she pulled out. I originally said this as a joke but now seriously considering it...would I be unreasonable to give her an evening invite to the wedding now instead of a day invite? It would mean I save quite a bit of money and can recoup the hen party costs 😁 I never mentioned day/evening invites previously when letting people know the date. Given her past, it would be quite likely she would not turn up for the wedding anyway!

dontalltalkatonce Wed 20-Nov-19 17:08:09

I wouldn't invite her at all. Cut flakey people loose.

BitchyArriver Wed 20-Nov-19 17:11:10

Okay I’m going to hate myself for saying this, as what you are suggesting is rude as fuck...

But no YWNBU

runs away and hides

Tobebythesea Wed 20-Nov-19 17:11:25

I would ask her one final time and give a date to pay by. If she hasn’t paid I would not send an invite. It’s so rude.

AtrociousCircumstance Wed 20-Nov-19 17:11:25

Of course cancel her wedding invitation. I wouldn’t invite her to the evening do either.

Lumbering someone with £100 and having no problem with it morally? Not a friend you want to keep.

sonjadog Wed 20-Nov-19 17:11:46

I guess it depends on whether you want to continue the friendship or not. If not, then uninvite her.

Whoops75 Wed 20-Nov-19 17:12:10

Evening invitation is a great idea.

TeeniefaeTroon Wed 20-Nov-19 17:13:08

You're not actually uninviting her as she hasn't received the invite so yanbu.

Macca84 Wed 20-Nov-19 17:13:20

I wouldn't invite her to either. She's a complete twat for leaving you £100 short, I'd never dream of doing this to any of my mates.

dontalltalkatonce Wed 20-Nov-19 17:13:26

What's rude AF is to flake out and cost someone 100 quid.

Smelborp Wed 20-Nov-19 17:14:28

I wouldn’t invite her at all.

TildaKauskumholm Wed 20-Nov-19 17:14:34

Agree, maybe one last reminder to pay by xxx then if she doesn't, don't invite her at all. Nobody needs friends like that.

allthesharks Wed 20-Nov-19 17:14:43

Yes. I'd withdraw her day invitation. If she asks why then explain that her pulling out of the hen do cost you money and you don't want to have the same happen with the wedding.

Dutch1e Wed 20-Nov-19 17:14:45

Evening invitation sounds ideal.

Xyzzzzz Wed 20-Nov-19 17:16:07

I wouldn’t invite her to be fair but an evening invitation is a nice gesture if you’re wanting to keep the friendship

Skisunsnow Wed 20-Nov-19 17:16:31

I'd send her one last message asking for the money, if she doesn't pay up, don't invite her at all. Not at all unreasonable.

CherryBathBomb Wed 20-Nov-19 17:16:35

Just the evening invite, she doesn't deserve that though tbh

PuzzledObserver Wed 20-Nov-19 17:17:27

If you had booked and paid for a place for me (with me having agreed plans) and I needed to drop out, I would ask if there was any way the venue would give you a refund on the unused space. If the answer was No, I would pay up.

ahhRats Wed 20-Nov-19 17:17:39

Dont invite her to the wedding

BumbleBeee69 Wed 20-Nov-19 17:18:16

I agree.. I would not be inviting her atall.

Expressedways Wed 20-Nov-19 17:19:09

Did she actually actually say she was coming and was happy with the cost before you booked? And now it’s time to pay for what she agreed to, she’s cancelled and refusing to pay?! I’m astounded someone could be that rude! YWNBU to give her an evening invite but I’d probably go one step further and not invite her at all.

DontbeaBabs Wed 20-Nov-19 17:20:25

Of course YANBU

the only question is: do you want to invite her at all? If you want to still make an effort, evening is fine.

GiveHerHellFromUs Wed 20-Nov-19 17:20:28


SoupDragon Wed 20-Nov-19 17:22:19

Did she actually actually say she was coming and was happy with the cost before you booked?

It's in the OP.

Everyone confirmed they were happy with dates and costs.

BadnessInTheFolds Wed 20-Nov-19 17:22:54


But IWBVU to not come back to the thread and tell us how it goes down grin

I can't fathom how someone would happily leave a friend £100 out of pocket like that. So selfish!

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