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Not buying DD presents for Christmas

(108 Posts)
bahhumbug5 Wed 20-Nov-19 10:12:45

Don't want to drip feed so might have some irrelevant info 😩

My partner has two children from a previous relationship, age 8 and 9 I have been in their lives since they were 3 and 4 and I always spend around £80 each on them at Christmas. DP always goes over board for birthdays and Christmas but it's his money so not my problem.

We now have an 18 month old, she was very prem and still wasn't doing much by last Christmas so I put £150 in her savings account (we have separate money) and didn't buy any toys as family gave us money for her to buy things as we need it. DP didn't put any money away and buy anything as he said she had gifts from my family (my family have always got DSC presents too). This pissed me off but I thought, meh, she's 6 months old she doesn't know what's going on. Same thing happened for her 1st birthday, again I put £150 away as we combined it with a christening and she had quite a lot of money and gifts (all gone into her savings), and at such a Young age I just buy things as and when she needs it but again no contribution from DP.

This Christmas, she more mobile and alert and she's very aware of toys. I've spent her usual £150 on new toys, a trike etc but DP has so far spent around £400 each on his other children but hasn't bought out DD a single thing. He said she will have loads from family Members anyway. The children have an active mother and family on her side, so will not be going without presents on maternal side either.

I think it's fucking disgusting and tempted to LTB over it.


DartmoorChef Wed 20-Nov-19 21:49:12

Did he want this child? It doesn't sound like it.

TriciaH87 Wed 20-Nov-19 21:58:27

You bloody well tell him either the child you share is treated equal to his other kids or he can sod the f**k off. You do not treat your children differently just because others buy them presents. My son is 13 tomorrow. Things are tight this close to Christmas this year but he is getting the same amount his brother got in April. I don't care who does what if I don't treat them the same I will know it. Disgusting behaviour. Ask him at what age he bought his daughters presents and at what age does he intend to buy for your child.

yuiop Wed 20-Nov-19 22:57:39

Wow that's horrible. He's not invested in her at all. If he doesn't change his entire attitude toward her she will begin to notice and it will mess her up. I'd be considering whether I wanted to stay in this relationship very carefully op.

EKGEMS Thu 21-Nov-19 11:59:10

Why would you accept crumbs of affection and attention and money for your little girl from her asshole father? Geez Louise she'll get old enough to realize she isn't a priority to her father in comparison to his other children. Address it now or you'll regret it in the future

Wheredidigowrongggggg Thu 21-Nov-19 12:04:27

It’s totally weird having separate presents from parents who are together. Your gifts are from both of you. Plus she’s 18 months and will still prefer the wrapping paper and boxes to what is in them.

BlackSwanGreen Thu 21-Nov-19 12:10:58

But if the gifts are from both of them, he should still pay half (given that they have separate finances).

hsegfiugseskufh Thu 21-Nov-19 12:11:43

wheredidigowrong it doesn't matter that you think its weird, they have separate finances, so it makes sense that they buy presents separately if that's they way they do everything else too. Its also irrelevant that you think the 18mo will be more interested in the wrapping paper than presents. Her dad is treating her differently to her other siblings, how is that ok?

Lunde Thu 21-Nov-19 12:16:57

He doesn't treat her as his child at all really does he?

You need to decide what to do as soon she is going to be old enough to realise the difference between how he treats her and how he treats his "golden children"

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