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Teacher choosing to shorten DD's name

(169 Posts)
mummasaurus Tue 19-Nov-19 19:57:17


DD has a name that is long and could be shortened but she choses not to, don't want to state it as could be outing but think Samantha, so could be Sam if she wished. She started school in September and has just got very upset this evening because she says people in school aren't using her full name. After explaining that sometimes people do shorten their name and all she has to do is say to her classmates that she prefers her full first name she replied 'it's not the children, it's Mrs X (her teacher), and I have told her but she hasn't stopped'

AIBU to think this is bad of the teacher? We completed the registration form with DDs full first name as her preferred name.

ToniHargis Tue 19-Nov-19 20:00:31

No YANBU. This is a matter of respect for your child. If my kids wanted to use their long names (one does, one doesn't and it's never come up with the 3rd), they should be allowed that.
If it wasn't bothering your child (as it didn't mine), I wouldn't make a fuss, but it's your child who doesn't want the nickname. If this isn't respected, then it sets a pattern for her if she has to buckle over such an important issue for her. Be her advocate in this.

firawla Tue 19-Nov-19 20:01:52

I would have a quick word with her at pick up, she probably just hasn’t realised so I wouldn’t be too harsh about it. But hopefully once you’ve mentioned it she will stop. If she persists after that then it’s more of an issue

schafernaker Tue 19-Nov-19 20:01:55

I think sometimes staff just forget, less of an excuse in primary I guess where they only see one group. However I know as a secondary teacher trying to learn who likes to be called what at the beginning of the year can at times be a nightmare!!

Maybe have a quiet word with the teacher I’m sure once she realises it’s upset DD then she will apologise and do her very best to use the correct name. You may find it’s something as simple as her own child has the same name. We extend my DDs name and when I teach the only child in the school with the same name I do sometimes have to stop myself 😂

Honeythekittycat Tue 19-Nov-19 20:09:11

You are definitely not BU. My DS has a long first name, that is more often than not shortened . We and he have never shortened it and family always use his proper name. School was a nightmare because teachers quite often decided it was appropriate to use a shortened version. I did always corrected them and when old enough my DS would.

DS is now 21 and is called by his full name. Persevere and don't allow it to be shortened if you choose not to.

PeterRouseTheFleshofMankind Tue 19-Nov-19 20:14:01

Yes, have a word. You don't have to be a dick about it, just say it nicely.

I had it a while back with a girl in my class. Somehow myself and the TAs had thought that she liked being called Jess (I think the other children called her it, I can't remember) but her mum just came after school one say and said she preferred to be called Jessica. It was fine, no big deal.

Jakymz Tue 19-Nov-19 20:14:57

I’d speak to the teacher and hopefully it won’t continue. Sometimes children don’t articulate themselves as strongly as we could or we would like them to. Just let the teacher know it’s upsetting your DD and I am sure if she is a good person she will understand and stop.

Lulualla Tue 19-Nov-19 20:19:30

Do you have a homework diary with spaces for parent's comments? If you do then just write a polite note to the teacher and ask your daughter to show it to her. If it continues then speak to her in person.

amusedbush Tue 19-Nov-19 20:20:37

There was a guy in my class at secondary school called Calvin and one teacher insisted on calling him Cal. He just replied with ‘vin’ every time she did it until she stopped.

It’s really rude to continue using a shortened version of a name after you’ve been corrected!

Aragog Tue 19-Nov-19 20:21:14

Just have a polite chat with the teacher at drop off or pick up to explain that dd doesn't like her name being shortened. Hopefully teacher will then remember, and not do it. No need for it to become an issue.

PastTheGin Tue 19-Nov-19 20:21:42

Lots of schools will have the “preferred” name on the register and teachers should really know to only use the preferred name. A quick, friendly reminder to the teacher should sort it out - everybody has the right to be addressed by their name.

Heihei Tue 19-Nov-19 20:22:56

Do have a word but the teacher could possibly be doing it accidentally. By that I mean that I’m a teacher and have taught hundreds of children. To use your example, in that number I’ve taught quite a few Samantha’s and a high proportion of them preferred Sam. So then Sam gets stuck in your head and when you’re trying to remember so many names it’s easy to middle up the Sams and Samanthas! It doesn’t make it right but it might not be a purposeful sign of disrespect.

zeeboo Tue 19-Nov-19 20:23:51

If it's a name with an accepted shortening, it won't be outing. Just felt the need to point that out 😉

UnitedRoad Tue 19-Nov-19 20:26:56

One of my daughters had her name extended (1 syllable name) imagine Jean to Jeanie. She hated it, and ended up refusing to answer to it.

Obviously she’s not called Jean.

Iggleonkupsy Tue 19-Nov-19 20:27:50

I'm sure she isn't doing it on purpose, just speak to the teacher and I'm sure it'll be sorted. I think you're making a bigger deal of it than needs be.

Cherrysoup Tue 19-Nov-19 20:28:35

Your dd should tell her teacher. It’s annoying. One boy told me today that his Maths teacher say his name wrongly. I was quite indignant on his behalf. I always ask children how they prefer to be addressed, I have Oli and Oliver, Dan and Daniel, Tom and Thomas in one class. I think it’s polite to ask and try to remember. I I,gone, like many teachers, your dd’s teacher could sit and write the seating plan, with surnames, from memory by now, so I think she should remember your daughter’s preferred version.

PsychosonicCindy Tue 19-Nov-19 20:29:35

Ok what's wrong with being called Jean??!

MissKittyBeaudelais Tue 19-Nov-19 20:32:30

Yanbu. The teacher should use the name the child wants to use.

HelloDulling Tue 19-Nov-19 20:33:12

Might be a regional thing. Where we live, everyone shortens all names, and I don’t think they could stop even if asked.

Rubyroost Tue 19-Nov-19 20:36:50

She's probably not doing it intentionally and is probably used to shortening the name out if habit. So if Samantha is usually Sam for everyone else, it has probably become habit for the teacher.

Noodledoodledoo Tue 19-Nov-19 20:37:06

I am a teacher who hates my own name being shortened - I am secondary and so explain this to new classes each year and it takes a while to remember shortened forms - for some reason although our system does hold preferred name it is not the default that is shown on registers!

I would have a word, I say to students to remind me and I do double check if I think I have made a mistake.

As a long term thing I have found over the past 30 years ignoring the wrong name works the best!

Noodledoodledoo Tue 19-Nov-19 20:38:17

In my first year of teaching I had three Bethany's in one class - all on the register as Bethany. One was Beth, one was Bethany and the other Bessie! It took a while

Itstheprinciple Tue 19-Nov-19 20:38:24

I'm a TA and also have scouse roots, although I don't live in Liverpool now. Anyone who knows Liverpool will know that as soon as you've met someone, they shorten your name and I still have this habit. I would certainly listen if a child asked me to use their full name but sometimes through habit it might slip out. Just a friendly chat would hopefully be enough.

Elbowedout Tue 19-Nov-19 20:38:26

This is one of my real bugbears as certain people do it to me and I hate my name being shortened. I agree it could be a mistake, or if it is an unusual name is there any chance the teacher is unsure of the full pronunciation? But whatever the reason, your DD has the right to be called by her name in the way she prefers.
Say something now - politely of course - or it will stick. When it first happened to me I wasn't really forceful enough about objecting, and the only person who could and should have stuck up for me told me I was overreacting and it was a term of endearment. Now I am stuck with it and I feel my blood boiling every time I am addressed that way. Your DD is obviously bothered by it so speak up for her.

sawyersfishbiscuits Tue 19-Nov-19 20:38:27

I taught a child called Louis in Year 2, I always assumed that it was pronounced Louis...
As did the Y1 teacher and the Reception teacher before that...
One day his teenage sister picked him up and referred to him as Lewis!!! 😂😜
His parents had never attended parents appointments, he had never ever told me - was a lovely lovely boy.
He was still known as Louis as that's what his friends, teachers etc knew him as. Really bizarre thinking back. He'd be in his 20s now. I wonder if he goes by Louis or Lewis these days...

So, the moral of the story is, talk to the teacher 😁😁😁

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