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Christmas dinner drama

(268 Posts)
thegreenlight Tue 19-Nov-19 19:36:56

My husband is cooking turkey Christmas dinner this year with all the trimmings. We have invited my parents and my mum said she would bring beef in gravy. I told my husband this and he was quite upset (he only really cooks at Christmas and it is kind of a big deal to him) I very gently suggested to my mum that she not bring anything and she was fine with this initially.

However, when I saw her next she said that my dad (who is in his 70s) wasn’t coming if he couldn’t eat the meat he wanted and that if he was a vegetarian we would have to cater to him and this is no different. I am now stuck in the middle and don’t know who is being more unreasonable.

My husband said that we should cancel them coming to dinner if they won’t eat what he cooks and we should just pop in to see them on Christmas day but I don’t want to drag our DDs (6 and 2) away from their presents.

My parents can be quite narcissistic and controlling and there is a bit of bad blood with my husband and them due to their previous treatment of me but they seem blissfully unaware of this. This has probably coloured DHs reaction. They do do a lot for us (my mum is looking after DD2 2 days a week until September).

I can see where DH is coming from but I don’t put as much importance on Christmas dinner as he does.

Help! I don’t know what to do. Any direct engagement between my parents and DH would cause a massive falling out as he hasn’t had the lifetime’s experience of dealing with them like I have and will just tell it as it is and that would be taken out on me. Advice please!

Bluntness100 Tue 19-Nov-19 19:38:44

For goodness sake, he's being such a precious twat. Who cares, let them bring their beef and eat it, tell him to grow the hell up.

picklemepopcorn Tue 19-Nov-19 19:39:25

Ask your husband to write it off as your dad being a dick.

He can make a lovely meal and those who wish will enjoy it. He can ignore those who don't.

StCharlotte Tue 19-Nov-19 19:41:02

Okay imagine you were the cook and your FIL insisted on bringing other food and your DH was dithering...

Altogether now: "you have a DH problem."

Your DH is making a stand. You need to back him up and your dad needs to behave himself.

PrayingandHoping Tue 19-Nov-19 19:41:53

I think your parents are being rude unless there really is a long standing fact your dad hates turkey?!!! If he was a vegetarian he would just eat the veg and not the turkey so his point is mute

In my family we have people who are veg, only eat white meat and a nut allergy! So I get dietary needs. But they are consistent and don't throw toys out the pram

Sounds like your parents are being controlling because your husband is cooking and they know it'll upset and annoy him

MegaBlock Tue 19-Nov-19 19:42:31

I don’t like turkey so I wouldn’t want to eat it on Christmas Day either. I’d let them bring their own meat.

Even though we don’t eat turkey I still do turkey aswell as another meat as for my mum and MIL it wouldn’t be christmas without turkey for them and I’d like actually like my guests to be happy and enjoy themselves.

CalmdownJanet Tue 19-Nov-19 19:42:40

Well the bad blood/controlling behaviour is a bit of a red herring given you are happy to use them for childcare two days a week.

I'd just let him have the beef, I mean they are bringing it, it's no extra work, I think your husband is being precious

MyNewBearTotoro Tue 19-Nov-19 19:44:03

Surely if your Dad wants to bring his own meat it’s no big deal, it’s not like he’s forcing your DH to cook it and I think it’s reasonable if he wants his traditional meat at the meal. It wouldn’t bother me if someone wanted to bring a dish to a Christmas dinner I was making, I’d be glad it was one less thing for me to do!

NoSauce Tue 19-Nov-19 19:46:12

My parents can be quite narcissistic and controlling and there is a bit of bad blood with my husband and them due to their previous treatment of me but they seem blissfully unaware of this

I guess that’s why your H is putting his foot down here. A long history of your dad being a selfish sod.

DragonflyInn Tue 19-Nov-19 19:48:39

Oh my gosh. Surely for the sake of good family relations you let them bring a plate of beef! It’s no bother and not a slight on all the other lovely things being cooked. If it’s a problem relationship with your parents though, I would get that perhaps you wish to make a stand - if you weren’t using them for childcare. Honestly I have to make all sorts of compromises with my in-laws. A plate of meat would be the least of them!

Winterdaysarehere Tue 19-Nov-19 19:49:42

Suggest dh will serve beef also. See if they still insist they bring it. Bet they just won't accept dh being The Chef.
If they insist just suggest they stay home.

Bluntness100 Tue 19-Nov-19 19:49:54

Your DH is making a stand. You need to back him up and your dad needs to behave himself

Making a stand that people must eat his turkey! That's the best thing I've read on here all week, 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

CheeryB Tue 19-Nov-19 19:50:03

If he was a vegetarian he would just eat the veg and not the turkey so his point is mute

Really? If I invited a veggie to Xmas dinner I'd cater something for them even if it was just a nut roast.
Some people just don't like turkey, I don't like it much, it gives me stomach ache.
I think the DH is bvu and quite childish.

CalmdownJanet Tue 19-Nov-19 19:50:15

But happy to not put his foot down when accepting two days free childcare for the selfish sod? Nah sorry fuck that, that's not how it works nosauce

CalmdownJanet Tue 19-Nov-19 19:51:01

*from

NoSauce Tue 19-Nov-19 19:51:24

It’s obviously not just about the beef. I doubt the husband here would give a fig if his in-laws hasn’t been controlling for years.

But for the sake of Christmas Peace he should probably just suck it up and allow the beef.

Thatnovembernight Tue 19-Nov-19 19:51:47

My Dad doesn’t eat poultry so my parents either bring a bit of beef or a pie. All the rest of the Christmas dinner is the same. It’s never entered my head to get uptight or offended about this.

InACheeseAndPickle Tue 19-Nov-19 19:52:00

Your parents are being rude but I'd probably encourage DH to roll his eyes and let them get on with it - especially since they're providing childcare.

NoSauce Tue 19-Nov-19 19:52:55

You’re ok with people being narc and controlling just because they help out with childcare Janet?

Really?

ThisIsReworked Tue 19-Nov-19 19:53:10

You cannot force guests to eat anything! There is little or no additional work for your DH, so he really needs to get over himself. They will surely have all the other bits he makes.

ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 Tue 19-Nov-19 19:54:20

You're dh is being a dick here theres no issue with you're parents bringing beef. I'm not fussed in Turkey either. Slagging you're parents off but using them for childcare nice.

NoSauce Tue 19-Nov-19 19:54:34

OP what sort of behaviour are we talking about from your parents re their narc and controlling tendencies?

JoObrien7 Tue 19-Nov-19 19:55:16

@thegreenlight

Not everyone likes turkey I find it a bit bland and wouldn't care less if I never ate it again. I think he should be allowed to bring his beef and your husband should remember it is Christmas and make allowances for an old man. My grandmother who has been dead a long time now insisted we had this horrible Walkers Christmas pudding because she always loved it when she was a young girl. We would steam the horrible thing and eat it even though it was like rubber and had chewy cherries in it. Sometimes you have to give and take at Christmas.

UnaCorda Tue 19-Nov-19 19:55:16

If he was a vegetarian he would just eat the veg and not the turkey so his point is mute

On the contrary, it sounds as if it's being made very vocally by both the OP's parents...

NoSauce Tue 19-Nov-19 19:55:59

My parents can be quite narcissistic and controlling and there is a bit of bad blood with my husband and them due to their previous treatment of me but they seem blissfully unaware of this. This has probably coloured DHs reaction

Are people wilfully ignoring that ^

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