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To be fed up DH acts like a saviour because he takes the kids to school?

(179 Posts)
TheLumpiestSpacePrincess Tue 19-Nov-19 08:47:25

He works but for himself. Part time. Usually evenings.

So he is here all day, as am I.

He HATES getting up in the morning.

Routine goes like this...

7. 15am. I get up. Don't even bother asking him to.
Get kids up.
Take dog out for wee.
Make breakfast.
Get uniforms laid out.
7.30am.Clear up breakfast
Feed dog
Load dishwasher
Help little ones get dressed.
Shout DH to get up.
Make DDs lunch.
Shout DH to get up.
Check bags and prepare any PE kits etc
Shout DH to get up.
Make myself a cup of tea
Shout DH to get up.
Take dog out for poop
Shout DH to get up
(kids need to leave at 8.25)
Wave older kids off.

8.05 Shout DH to get up (shout his name)

Which is responded with a very shouty and aggressive "WHAT??"
With him storming down the stairs barging passed me with "it's only fucking five past 8"

Im sick of this every morning. Then he has the audacity to say 'I get up and take them to school every morning!!'

Yeah he does. And he picks them up.

But I do EVERYTHING else

And I'm sick to fucking death of being his alarm every 10 mins (he just ignores his phone and Alexa) then getting a load of fucking grief for it.

I think I'm going to just start taking them myself.

But then I'll resent him even more for doing fuck all(apart from his part time hours) and getting to stay in bed every morning.

Urgh.

Justkeeprollingalong Tue 19-Nov-19 08:50:37

What do you both do all day?

Drabarni Tue 19-Nov-19 08:51:42

Tell him you aren't going to wake him anymore he' a big boy now. Stop doing anything for him if he doesn't pull his weight.

TheLumpiestSpacePrincess Tue 19-Nov-19 08:53:00

Justkeep is that relevant to the issue at hand?

TheLumpiestSpacePrincess Tue 19-Nov-19 08:54:00

Dra but if I don't wake him he will just sleep. He won't get up. I've done that before. It just results in me doing the school run and him waking up at anytime he pleases

LolaSmiles Tue 19-Nov-19 08:54:16

He needs to grow a pair and get on with it.
And you both need to start by having a discussion about who does what.

To be honest, you getting the kids up and ready is reasonable to me if you're a SAHP, but you shouldn't have to be his alarm clock and he shouldn't be swearing at you for having to get out of bed.

Babynamechangerr Tue 19-Nov-19 08:55:29

I agree he sounds very lazy but your morning routine sounds very convoluted, about two thirds of those things on your list could be done the night before.

Do you work? Why does he work part time if he's not doing any childcare? What would happen if you didn't wake him up, is he actually so shit that he wouldn't get out of bed in time to take kids or would it just be a bit more of a rush?

Tomorrow just try it and see, just be prepared to take them yourself if he really doesn't get up.

DeathStare Tue 19-Nov-19 08:56:03

Ask him whether he would like to swap - you will take them to school and pick them up but it will be his responsibility to do everything you do now.

Tell him he may pick whichever role he likes - either the one you do now or the one he does now - but given that he has had the choice you will no longer be reminding him/be responsible for getting him up and you will not accept any moaning/nastiness/martyrdom for whichever choice he makes

user1471462428 Tue 19-Nov-19 08:57:07

How late does he work?

timeisnotaline Tue 19-Nov-19 08:57:21

It’s a bit relevant what the op does. If she works the evidence provided leans to dp is a useless lump who takes up space that the family could use. If she’s a sahm complaining about the school run it’s quite different. If I worked on my working days I’d probably just leave at 7 op so I don’t have to either baby him, put up with his mood when ive done everything or murder him in a fit of rage, and if he doesn’t work out how to get the kids to school divorce him.

BlueJava Tue 19-Nov-19 08:57:38

Tell him you don't want to argue and shout at him every morning so from now on you'll not wake him up. If DC is late for school he deals with it.

Babynamechangerr Tue 19-Nov-19 08:57:57

Just read your update.

He doesn't sound like he has the self discipline to be successfully self employed, would probably be better in a job with a hard start time.

Justkeeprollingalong Tue 19-Nov-19 08:59:39

Only in as much as if you both have a relaxed day why not dispense with all the aggravation and you do all the morning stuff and he can do pick up, teatime and homework. Also half of the morning routine could be done at night.

TimetohittheroadJack Tue 19-Nov-19 09:00:33

give up shouting - it would be less stressful to just get on with it yourself, or leave the house at 7.30 for a few days and let him get on with it.

hopeishere Tue 19-Nov-19 09:01:17

Agree. Stop telling him to get up. It's annoying for both of you.

Ginseng1 Tue 19-Nov-19 09:01:52

Get the kids to call him- guilt him into it!

RiftGibbon Tue 19-Nov-19 09:02:01

How old are the kids?
My DC must get up when their alarm sounds. They check their bag the night before and put in any homework/kit/accessories for the next day. Uniform goes on a hanger the night before, ready to put on in the morning. DC can put their own things in the dishwasher.
I've stopped chivvying and let people take responsibility for themselves

SunniDay Tue 19-Nov-19 09:02:17

It seems to me your morning routine isnt working very well for either of you. He is not a morning person but has to get up every morning. You would resent him having a lie in but also get up every morning anyway. If what you would both like is a lie in neither of you get it. Why don't you split the week so one of you gets up, gets the kids ready/takes them to school and the other has a lie in or time to themselves/gym etc as you prefer and the other half the week swap over. Why make sure both of you don't enjoy your mornings every morning of the week?

weymouthswanderingmermaid Tue 19-Nov-19 09:02:55

Have you sat down with him, when you're both calm and not busy, and spoken about how completely frustrating this is (laying it out as you did in your OP) What does he say?
He's sounds HUGELY frustrating, but when you're shouting in the morning, all he'll hear is you "getting at him" so I his head he has the moral high ground. He doesn't, but to him, he does!
And I agree that it's relevant what you do for the rest of the day, as then you can talk about sharing the mental and practical load. Good luck!

simplekindoflife Tue 19-Nov-19 09:06:37

It's clearly not working so sit down with him and work out another way. A split week is a good idea? You get up, do the getting ready stuff with them and take them to school Monday and Tuesday, he does the same Thursday and a Friday and you both do it on Wednesday? Or would it he prepare a swap of roles? What's his preferred scenario?

Sit down together and work out a plan.

TheLumpiestSpacePrincess Tue 19-Nov-19 09:07:09

He does some prep for work during the day but he works better in the evening that's just how he works best. He does about 4 hours an evening. And it's not strenuous.

I think I'll just get in with it myself.

I don't want a lie in. I can't sleep passed 7.30. Even on weekends

Disfordarkchocolate Tue 19-Nov-19 09:10:30

I always used to send the children up to wake my lazy X. And a loud alarm placed the opposite side of the room.

CobaltLoafer Tue 19-Nov-19 09:10:37

Is is relevant what you do all day. If you work in the day and need to get started, if he works late in the evening he may need sleep.

It all sounds awful and I feel sorry for your kids in that atmosphere.

Fatted Tue 19-Nov-19 09:11:40

If you're up anyway, why not just take them to school? Or is that just me thinking this?

TheLumpiestSpacePrincess Tue 19-Nov-19 09:14:14

I salready said I don't work. And he works from home on something that started out as a hobby and he very much loves doing.

I don't work for health reasons.

You feel sorry for my kids? 😂 Because I shout their fathers name up the stairs? They weren't anywhere near when he came downstairs being moody.

Always baffles me how MNers can judge a child's happiness from one post.

I should proba ly start saving up for therapy for them. Poor mites.

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