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It’s a mother in law at xmas one!

(54 Posts)
Ohidontknow99 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:49:08

So it will be mine and my partners first xmas as a couple ,his mum has always been abit annoying but nothing I can’t handle.

Christmas got mentioned a few months ago and she started saying “well WE usually do this on xmas eve and this on xmas day etc” .myself and partner agreed between ourselves that for the main part of the day we would like it to just be us , she didn’t like this and we have ended up inviting her and her partner over for dinner which I don’t mind too much. However Christmas morning I was looking forward to it being just us before they come over , last week she started saying to him “well what time will we visit so and so in the morning” so he said to her quite firmly “no I won’t be doing that this year etc but we will see you for dinner” she looked at him with pure rage and said we “will discuss this another time” , aibu to just want some bloody time alone on xmas day !!! Shouldn’t she realise he’s a grown man now and some traditions are going to change , any advice on how to cope with annoying MILs over xmas greatly appreciated ! Thanks

Ohidontknow99 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:49:45

And before anyone says it she’s not technically my mil but you know what I mean grin

Boom45 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:53:22

Let your partner cope with her, not your problem if he's decided to change his usual christmas traditions then he can deal with how his mother handles it.

Cherrysoup Mon 18-Nov-19 20:54:24

If your DP is telling her no, make sure he has told her again what the arrangements are and don’t even open the door if she pitches up stupidly early. As you say, traditions need to be made for your partner and you, his mum can’t always have what she wants, compromise is needed.

PicaK Mon 18-Nov-19 20:56:17

Let your DP take the flak. But do give her time to give herself a head wobble.

Paythosebitchesnomind269 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:56:38

Our Christmases got so much nicer once we started doing our own thing. We used to travel all over the place pleasing family. Now it's just about the three of us - bliss!

Spied Mon 18-Nov-19 20:59:43

How he handles this will tell you all you need to know about the type of man he is.
If he bows to her or tries to negotiate things with her then run for the hills...

Ohidontknow99 Mon 18-Nov-19 21:08:18

Haha @spied I was thinking EXACTLY the same thing

Wonkybanana Mon 18-Nov-19 21:41:30

You seem to be jumping the gun a bit OP. He's told her your plans and that you're sticking to them. As long as he doesn't fold you're OK.

Ohidontknow99 Mon 18-Nov-19 21:59:01

@wonkybanana I agree I probably am ,I think I am winding myself up at the prospect of him folding , i will wait it out

isitxmasyet Mon 18-Nov-19 22:01:37

Why do people just love to hate their MILs (or mum of even a relatively new partner)

It’s like they have to just fade away the minute women start dating a bloke.

Some women are so bloody horrible to MILs.

Ohidontknow99 Mon 18-Nov-19 22:27:07

@isitxmasyet do you think I am being horrible to her ? Have invited her over for xmas dinner but just want some alone time in the morning . Some women are seriously weird when it comes to their adult sons and they need to get over it

Livelovebehappy Mon 18-Nov-19 22:34:38

still very early days for your relationship if this is your first xmas as a couple, so a bit premature to be referring to her as Mil. I would say tread carefully with the relationship being newish, as you don’t want to alienate his family. It’s pretty important to most couples that each other get on with family members. The time to get a bit tougher is when the relationship is more established.

Saltycinnamon Mon 18-Nov-19 22:39:12

Honestly I’m massively in the minority here but for me, it’s just a day. I try to keep all the family happy as it means a lot to them. Unless she’s a total bitch I don’t get why you’d be difficult.

Wearywithteens Mon 18-Nov-19 22:39:23

‘Weird over their adult sons and they need to get over it’
oh dear...wait until you have a son and see how you feel being told you are ‘weird’ for wanting to be in their life, and wanting to see them at Christmas. Even more so when it comes from someone who has been in their life for 5 minutes.

Try to think how you might feel about your own future children - would you be willing to just fuck them off so easily? Have some empathy.

Saltycinnamon Mon 18-Nov-19 22:40:27

You do sound v possessive tbh.

StoneofDestiny Mon 18-Nov-19 22:52:13

Been married a very long time and have had every Christmas Day with my husband, then husband and children in our home alone. I'll invite others Boxing Day or visit them - but the day is ours.

Arrange to go out Christmas Eve lunch or Boxing Day - stick to your guns.
I get on great with my MIL as it happens.

WagtailRobin Mon 18-Nov-19 23:01:31

One day you might be the mother who wants to see her adult son on Christmas day....

In the interim I suppose it's up to your other half to decide but he should be the one who determines if he wants to do the things he usually does at Christmas with his mum and family, without any influence from you!

Ohidontknow99 Mon 18-Nov-19 23:01:45

@Wearywithteens ah come on ! I’ve invited her over for xmas dinner !! All I’m asking for is some free time in the morning

Ohidontknow99 Mon 18-Nov-19 23:03:20

@WagtailRobin I think you misread my original post I understand she wants to see her son which is why I have no problem with her coming for xmas dinner but it seems she has a problem with me wanting time alone with him

isitxmasyet Mon 18-Nov-19 23:05:10

It’s just daft to be so difficult about what amounts to an hour or two on one morning of one day

You are newly into this family and already insisting your DP puts his foot down and issues off his parents just so you can feel you have won

Just step back
Be relaxed and don’t be the one who forces themselves in and forces others out

It’s his mum ffs.
It’s just a day and you have every other morning to be together

Ohidontknow99 Mon 18-Nov-19 23:05:56

@Livelovebehappy yep agreed I should have just said partners mother, I thought I was being pretty reasonable wanting some free time in the morning if we are having her over for dinner but maybe not confused

chardonm Mon 18-Nov-19 23:07:36

I dont really understand this. Christmas is a time for FAMILY. Don't you have every other day to be "just us"?

Ohidontknow99 Mon 18-Nov-19 23:08:07

@WagtailRobin completely agree and it was totally his decision to tell her what he did, I suppose it just annoyed me that she didn’t accept it

Ilikewinter Mon 18-Nov-19 23:08:35

Stick to your guns, give in this year and it'll be the same every year going forward!

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