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No present for oldest child?

(195 Posts)
Wingingit247 Mon 18-Nov-19 18:28:10

I have 3 DC and my eldest is from a previous relationship. We don't see DH's dad that often, but when we do he always brings presents for the two youngest but not the eldest. He is a lovely chap but AIBU to want to throttle him?? My eldest always looks a bit crestfallen but accepting, like he understands he isn't as important, breaks my heart!

Wingingit247 Mon 18-Nov-19 18:29:36

Should add he was only 2 when DH and I met 10 years ago so not a recent relationship!

Purpleartichoke Mon 18-Nov-19 18:29:40

So he brings gifts for his grandchildren, but not their half sibling?

InACheeseAndPickle Mon 18-Nov-19 18:30:10

YANBU. That is a bit mean to be honest. Could he be thinking the elder one is old enough to be beyond present age? As you say he's lovely he's probably just thoughtless could DH have a word and say it's lovely to bring pressies but might be safer not to in future as eldest DS feels left out.

Wingingit247 Mon 18-Nov-19 18:35:41

@Purpleartichoke yes, that exactly!

@InACheeseAndPickle eldest is a bit old for the sorts of things he brings, and it feels sort of ungrateful to say anything, but I can't bear seeing my eldest look so hurt!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss Mon 18-Nov-19 18:38:02

Does your eldest paternal grandparents bring all three a gift or just him?

It’s always going to be an issue in blended families, can you remind him of times he hasn’t things when the others don’t from his side of the family.

lovelovelove2 Mon 18-Nov-19 18:41:10

I couldn't do that to anyone. I have 2 children and a DSS. I wouldn't allow (not that it's ever been a problem as my family but for all 3) but

PlaymobilPirate Mon 18-Nov-19 18:43:58

Is he assuming paternal grandparents buy for the older one?

1Wanda1 Mon 18-Nov-19 18:48:29

God that's awful, I'd be so annoyed and upset if I were you. My older DC have step-families on both sides and both sets of step-grandparents have always given them presents on birthdays and Christmas, right from the start.

Maybe you could ask your DH to speak to his dad about how this looks from the child's perspective, and ask him to give a small present to your DS as well?

Wingingit247 Mon 18-Nov-19 18:51:41

Paternal grandparents aren't around, so DS is a bit left out really. DH asked his dad not to bring presents any more as we thought that would solve the issue, but he ignored that last time he came to see us. Granted he only brought little things this time, but it's the gesture that's the problem really, not the toy itself, I guess maybe I'll have to ask DH to be more explicit.

Majorcollywobble Mon 18-Nov-19 18:54:16

He brings little gifts for the two youngest but leaves their step brother out and has since he was 2 ?
It’s going to take a while for it to sink in that this just isn’t fair - it’s hurtful .
It wouldn’t hurt him to shift his mind set and consider himself Grandad to all three .
He might need a nudge in that direction . I’d suggest that he slips your eldest a fiver every so often - not every visit maybe - but occasionally to get himself something he wants . Get your DH to have a word with his Dad ?

GrumpyHoonMain Mon 18-Nov-19 18:56:32

It’s not wrong for your younger two to be spoiled by their grandad and it’s not wrong for that grandad to not see your eldest as family in the same way. Have you talked to your eldest about this properly when he has expressed disappointment? Just remind him that the younger two’s grandad isn’t family and it’s okay for him not to treat him like family either. It might even be a good idea that when he comes over you and your eldest establish your own family tradition just the two of you - perhaps hot chocolates followed by his favourite activity?

Dollymixture22 Mon 18-Nov-19 18:57:44

How could anyone turn up at a house with three children and only bring presents for two. Dna has no bearing - this is simple manners and compassion.

He man is an arse.

Your husband needs to explain to him how hurtful it is for he child who is left out. If he shows no empathy or understanding tell him he is no longer welcome.

Mothership4two Mon 18-Nov-19 18:58:51

I guess maybe I'll have to ask DH to be more explicit

Yes, tell him that he is upsetting ds. That's really insensitive and quite mean. He could just bring a box of chocs or something.

Troels Mon 18-Nov-19 19:01:56

But he's not lovely is he? He excludes the oldest child, that horrible and mean.

Mrsbclinton Mon 18-Nov-19 19:02:29

Thats really lousy, I feel so sorry for your eldest.
How hard would it be to find out what he is into and get him some little gift when he is bringing gifts to the younger children.

Abracad Mon 18-Nov-19 19:04:10

He shouldn’t just bring a box of chocs. He should bring a similar gift and if he didn’t change I’d not be having him in my house again. Or looking after him in his dotage. What. A. Dick.

Kitsandkids Mon 18-Nov-19 19:04:11

I have similar with my PIL and my foster children. My birth child gets a lot more money spent on her even though my foster children have been in the family longer than she’s been alive! Luckily my own lovely mum treats them more equally.

Crabonastick Mon 18-Nov-19 19:05:09

I am struggling very much to believe that he wouldn’t be aware that his behaviour is upsetting your eldest child. It’s really quite basic isn’t it?

raspberryk Mon 18-Nov-19 19:05:55

Just remind him that the younger two’s grandad isn’t family and it’s okay for him not to treat him like family either.

Sorry what?!

My kids "granny" is my step mum and id be devastated if she gave presents to her grandkids in front if my kids and they got nothing.
My dp's parents and grandparents give my kids (not dp's kids) something at Easter and Christmas and they have done so since we were together around 6 months. We have only been together 2 years and no one has ever said we or they aren't part of their family.

EKGEMS Mon 18-Nov-19 19:06:04

How can you tolerate this shitty behavior? How lovely a man is he when he brings two siblings presents and the third zilch? Why not say "Actually,Dad we won't be accepting gifts for just two of the boys you treat them all equally or none at all." You've spoken privately and your husband is actually the MOST at fault as it's his parent!

Oneborneverydecade Mon 18-Nov-19 19:06:56

Just remind him that the younger two’s grandad isn’t family and it’s okay for him not to treat him like family either

I don't agree with this. They are family. And if OP takes DS out every time the Grandad arrives things will never improve

Mothership4two Mon 18-Nov-19 19:08:09

I have been to family gatherings (Easter and Christmas) where there have been unrelated children there and we always take something for them as well. It's just being kind.

DuploRelatedInjury Mon 18-Nov-19 19:10:11

That's really mean. My DB was a toddler when my parents met and my paternal GPs treated him just as they treated me.

Oneborneverydecade Mon 18-Nov-19 19:10:16

My eldests Dad was in a relationship for a couple of years. The gfs parents and siblings used to buy for my DS at Xmas and for his bday. ExD and his gf are now friends and she still buys for DS

Wingingit247 Mon 18-Nov-19 19:13:35

FIL just isn't the most aware person in the world, I genuinely don't think he realises. He even gave the younger two a pound each last time while my eldest looked on sadly. I was itching to say something! I gave him some money for a game to help make up for it, but it doesn't does it? I keep saying stuff to DH about it but he seems to find it have to talk to his dad for some reason.

BlueJava Mon 18-Nov-19 19:15:00

That's horrible, not nice for eldest DS at all. However, if it's been happening since he was 2 you aren't going to resolve it without a lot of hassle I think. I think he's actually thought about it and it's deliberate. Sorry OP

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily Mon 18-Nov-19 19:19:12

Why haven’t you said something to him, OP? Stop being so bloody passive, while your poor child is being made to feel like shit. Spell it out to the bloody man, that it’s either all three or none. Tell him that your oldest loves him, but that what he’s doing is breaking your child’s heart. It’s horrible, absolutely horrible. My mil even included my sister’s children, with the grandchildren when I’d visit with them.

Dollymixture22 Mon 18-Nov-19 19:22:39

It sounds like he is being deliberately cruel. No one is this stupid.

Mothership4two Mon 18-Nov-19 19:25:09

How would he feel if he remarried and you left out his new wife because she's not related? Guessing no mil on the scene from what you wrote.

Spitsandspots Mon 18-Nov-19 19:25:46

“Thank you FIL It’s nice you want to treat the children but in future either treat them all or none at all..... would you like a cuppa?”

Wingingit247 Mon 18-Nov-19 19:26:11

I'm feeling terrible now that I haven't made more fuss about this sad

Mothership4two Mon 18-Nov-19 19:26:57

I keep saying stuff to DH about it but he seems to find it have to talk to his dad for some reason

Then you do it (and DH should grow some balls!)

Contraceptionismyfriend Mon 18-Nov-19 19:27:29

I would defiantly make a fuss about this. Completely unacceptable.

But I'd also ensure that DS knows that there is a difference. Not in a cruel way but just to prepare for the inevitable future of when he isn't in their wills but his siblings are.

Henhophouse Mon 18-Nov-19 19:29:02

I think you need to make more fuss of it and very quickly. It’s extremely unfair and it needs to be made very clear that unfair treatment of the children isn’t going to be tolerated. This sort of thing damages children, I know because I was one. The feeling is worthlessness and the realisation that you don’t mean anything to the person giving the gifts is damaging.
It’s especially worse if it’s just token gifts - why can’t they ALL have token gifts? Awful of your FIL and bad of your DH not to deal with this directly and strongly.

Winterdaysarehere Mon 18-Nov-19 19:32:03

One Xmas my df turned up with 3 Xmas presents.
A selection box each. Not grabby, didn't care less what the gift was (despite him having had a 'big win' not long before...)
Except I had 4 dc...
He claimed he didn't think the youngest (11 months) would eat chocolate!
Your dh should have spoken to him many moons ago op.
Your poor dc.

Justaboy Mon 18-Nov-19 19:33:06

Tight .. Mean .. Barstardsad

Wingingit247 Mon 18-Nov-19 19:33:12

Thank you so much to everyone! It's clear that I should have done something before now, sometimes you just need it spelling out. I'm fiercely protective of my eldest usually so I didn't want to be unfair on FIL if I was just being over the top. But it seems I'm not so that's really helped! Action will be taken directly!

MacabreMannequinFun Mon 18-Nov-19 19:34:57

Wow this is so sad, your poor son must feel like shit. I'd not let the fool back in and I'd be ignoring my husband until he grew a backbone.

CountFosco Mon 18-Nov-19 19:36:03

That is so cruel. I never understand how people can do that to a child.

I have a relative who fosters (short term so they have a different child with them pretty much every time we meet up). And yet everyone in the family always gets a little something for the foster child at Christmas or when visiting etc. Because how much will it mean to the child vs how little effort it is for the adult (foster children actually often end up with the most presents at Christmas because their own family will buy from them as well).

Winterdaysarehere Mon 18-Nov-19 19:36:14

Remember op , your dh and his family didn't' take ds on 'as is the awful phrase - but you kindly allowed them to share your amazing dc. And he should be bloody well appreciated and loved.

Abouttimemum Mon 18-Nov-19 19:36:57

It’s mean. My sister has two step children and we buy for them the same as I buy for all my nephews. My other sister has two grown up step children and we used to buy for them and now we buy for their children (albeit token gifts as there’s six of them!)
My parents have always bought for their step grand children the same as they have their grandchildren.

They are my sisters’ families and therefore our family.

DishingOutDone Mon 18-Nov-19 19:37:39

What a spiteful thing to do, and and your DH have enabled it for many years - he must be a manipulative man, I dont but the "FiL is not very aware". Your poor DS.

DishingOutDone Mon 18-Nov-19 19:38:07

"dont buy" not don't but!

Beautiful3 Mon 18-Nov-19 19:39:27

I honestly would have said, "where is x present/pound too?!" And "come on, don't leave x out, it isn't nice". You really should be sticking up for him and saying something at the times it's happening. If he says, hes too old for the presents. Just reply he likes chocolate and money.

FenellaMaxwell Mon 18-Nov-19 19:39:55

I don’t understand how this has gone on for a decade and neither you nor your DH have done anything about it.

Tooner Mon 18-Nov-19 19:42:20

He must be aware that he is leaving your Son out. Three kids and he only gives to two. Christ, if I gave my young nephews a pound and their friend was there I would give him a pound too. You don't leave kids out like that, it's nasty.

plightofthealbatross Mon 18-Nov-19 19:42:26

Your DH needs to be very specific with him: no presents for the children unless he brings something for ALL the children. It's creating bad feelings and sadness, and surely he would hate to be the cause of that when children are involved.

Honestly, people suck sometimes. Even my paternal asinine grandparents knew to include children who were holidaying with us when we met up with them on holiday.

HeyNotInMyName Mon 18-Nov-19 19:43:12

Why have you not addressed that in the 10 years you have been together? Or at least when you had your first child with DH and the problem started.

I think it’s a crap move from your FIL but so hard t change now afetr so long.

SunshineCake Mon 18-Nov-19 19:46:40

I think not buying a child ages 11 months a box of chocolate is not the same at all hmm.

I lived in lots of different places. I was always the child that didn't get anything. Not the real daughter, sister, niece so...

Abouttimemum Mon 18-Nov-19 19:46:57

@Tooner I was about to say the same thing, totally agree. Poor kid.

Elieza Mon 18-Nov-19 19:47:56

Good for you taking action OP. That little boy is hurting. Next time fil arrives have a quick word with him at the door and if he says shit I forgot about your eldest make sure you slip him a tenner and tell him to give it to the boy from himself, no need to mention it was from your purse.

I can’t believe someone would do such a thing as to single out a child. So sad.

Wingingit247 Mon 18-Nov-19 19:49:38

It really only started a couple of years ago after youngest DS was born and he was old enough to open presents. Occasionally eldest DS would get something too, but it has become more pronounced in the last year. I told DH to say something about 3 months ago but either it fell on deaf ears or he didn't say the right thing. I'll have to take matters into my own hands now obviously!

Melvinsmum Mon 18-Nov-19 19:50:52

We have a distant cousin on my DH side who has a SDD as well as her own DD now.

We don’t seem them much (I have seen her baby DD for first time this weekend) so haven’t got into the routine of buying regular presents for her or her sister’s kids, but I give some money when we do see them.

I gave some money in an envelope this weekend and specifically wrote “money for the children” on that given to the one with a SDD.

Whilst I have met the SDD only once, at the relatives wedding, I know that she is very much included as part of the family and I wanted her mum to know the money was for both children.

Stickytoffeeprodding Mon 18-Nov-19 19:57:24

Ohhhhh, that's so mean. Poor wee boy. I think your DH will have to explain to him explictly it's either no toys, or toys for all. The damage to his self esteem could be immeasurable, speaking as a the once stepchild myself. That said, my mother would never in a million years have accepted that behaviour from my stepfathers family, you need to step in and put a stop to it once and for all.

dreichwinter Mon 18-Nov-19 19:59:16

That is really mean behavior.
Well done OP for saying that you are putting a stop to it.
I would have a quick, very clear word with him alone before he sees the dc again. It really isn't on.

TreestumpsAndTrampolines Mon 18-Nov-19 19:59:37

I don't agree with this. They are family. And if OP takes DS out every time the Grandad arrives things will never improve

I dunno - it very much points out the disapproval doesn't it. Perhaps the grandfather needs it sturdily pointed out before he'll belt up and bring something, even something token, for the eldest.

but then it's the younger two that'll feel like their missing out instead perhaps (although I've always explained to mine that some alone time with mum each is completely fair)

Butterisbest Mon 18-Nov-19 20:03:21

cake flowers🎈🎉
For you. I hope life is better for you now.
Op, if your husband won't sort this shitty behaviour out then you need to do it, now. Before your son is even more affected. Try not to feel too bad, it's not your fault but it is up to you to get this cruel behaviour stopped.

Wingingit247 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:05:24

Having been a stepchild myself I know only too well how easy it is to feel a bit sidelined, makes me feel even worse now that I didn't jump on this the moment it started!! It won't happen again or he won't visit again.

Runnerduck34 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:11:24

That's really insensitive ( and downright rude) however if this has been going on for 10years it's going to be hard to change he behaviour. Your DH needs to be clear with him. He may feel more of a connection to his biological grandkids but that doesn't excuse leaving their half brother out.

Sarahandco Mon 18-Nov-19 20:11:45

Can you send father in law an email, with Christmas coming up? just spell it out that your eldest gets upset. He is only 12 and as he was two when you became a family - he has known your son for most of his life.

I would just say that all the children need to receive something or they all receive nothing. You don't need to fall out about it, just say it as it is.

In your fil defence, he may wrongly assume that your son receieves gifts from his fathers' side that the other two children do not.

mcmooberry Mon 18-Nov-19 20:14:19

Glad you posted this and have seen the light, I am enraged on your son's behalf!! Awful behaviour by your FIL am appalled it has been going on for so long, he needs telling!! Relieved that in so many other cases step children are treated the same as genetically related children.

Lak1115 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:16:00

He is not a lovely chap.. if you’d only been together a short time then I’d kinda understand but long term with 2 kids with each other. Completely and utterly wrong

My stepdads mum was the same. My stepdad treated me and my brother as his own but she couldn’t accept us. We got nothing.. my younger sister got presents. My mum hasn’t spoken to her in years because of the way she was.

My mil treats DS (from a previous relationship) and DD the same.

Another example. Years ago my uncle had 2 step kids. My grandparents treated them the same as they did us, their bio grandchildren.

I can’t see why anyone would do any different?

TiceCream Mon 18-Nov-19 20:20:50

It’s just horrible. He’s a child FGS. Your FIL needs to learn some common decency. I’m afraid I wouldn’t permit him to give gifts to just two children - if he doesn’t respect your request to not bring gifts then you need to refuse the gifts he brings. Show some solidarity between your family and just say no, these two don’t want gifts when their sibling is being excluded, please take them away with you.

Wingingit247 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:21:50

Maybe I am giving him too much credit, but I think he will be genuinely mortified when I tell him how hurt eldest DS has been. But regardless, DS is my priority, and I will ensure that he gets treated the same from now on! There is no half brother stuff in our house, I've always emphasised that and all 3 DC are exceptionally close and loving, FIL is the only one who ever treats them like they're different. Luckily MIL is amazing and always treats them all the same (divorced from FIL many years ago) as does SIL.

MarkingTimeIm59 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:22:39

I'd struggle to be a host to this man to be honest.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 18-Nov-19 20:23:49

As everyone’s said, it’s not okay. I’m a step mum and only recently had my own DC. My family have always treated my DSC as mine for the purpose of gift giving and it’s always meant a huge amount to me how welcoming and generous they’ve been. They were the first children in my life and they’re my family.

Of course your son is hurt by this clear division and it’s time you said something flowers

Frenchw1fe Mon 18-Nov-19 20:24:06

This is unacceptable .
Your dh should stop it and if any gifts arrive for the other two they should be returned.

Lulualla Mon 18-Nov-19 20:24:42

I can't believe anyone could do that.

If either of my boys marry someone with children then those children will be part of my family. I obviously wouldn't push in when unwanted if they already have all the grandparents they could need but I'd make it clear there was no difference between them and any children my son might have with their mother. It's family. Blood doesn't come into that.

Slomi Mon 18-Nov-19 20:26:33

I only have the one child granted but I would be raging if someone actively excluded her like that and they would not come through my front door again angry. Bloody cheek of him.

katseyes7 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:27:05

My eldest 'stepson' isn't actually a stepson. My OH was with his mother from him being two years old. He's always treated him like a son (his dad works away and only gets home about three/four times a year).
l view him as a stepson as much as l do my OH's son. And so do my OH's parents, fair play to them. Eldest's grandparents are the same with the youngest.
l can understand (to a degree) not wanting to treat someone who's not 'blood' the same as your actual relatives, but really? Surely it wouldn't kill him to bring something small for your eldest when he comes with presents for the other two? lt's unkind and insensitive.

Sagradafamiliar Mon 18-Nov-19 20:27:30

Bless your son for putting on a brave face. It's actually quite embarrassing for him as well as upsetting. As a mother, it would hurt me even more to repeatedly have a child of mine dismissed in this way. It's awful. Please put a stop to it.

BillHadersNewWife Mon 18-Nov-19 20:30:03

I think he will be genuinely mortified when I tell him how hurt eldest DS has been

Oh no he won't. He knows enough about children to know they love presents...or he wouldn't keep bringing them.

He KNOWS what he's doing! I wish everyone would stop making excuses for people like this. It's absolutely not on. My bet OP, is that your FIL will be annoyed. Annoyed that you've had the temerity to bring it up and annoyed that he can't keep on leaving your DS out.

Just prepare yourself for anything.

user68901 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:30:43

Don't rely on your DH to do it - your eldest son isn't his so he may not even be fully on board how hurtful it is for him and feel the urgency , please say something to your FIL especially with xmas coming.

neveradullmoment99 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:30:48

Refuse any gifts. Give him them back. How horrible and mean. Not lovely.

Themyscira Mon 18-Nov-19 20:31:41

This is horrendous, why have you and your husband accepted it for so long?

I can't imagine ever being so mean to a child.

BrendasUmbrella Mon 18-Nov-19 20:32:05

Wow.I buy gifts for my ex stepmother's husbands children when I visit them and my half sibling at Christmas. It's revolting to have the view that a child literally must share DNA to be given a gift at Christmas.

neveradullmoment99 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:32:07

He is a horrible and nasty person. He knows exactly what he's doing.

DriftingLeaves Mon 18-Nov-19 20:32:29

Going against the grain a little but your eldest isn't any relation of your FIL.

It would be kind of him to treat the children equally but it's a bit unfair to expect him to. Does your DS's paternal grandfather buy presents for the young ones? Maybe FIL thinks he's treading on the real grandfather's toes if he buys presents.

How far will you insist equality goes? Will you expect him to make your DS an equal heir in his will?

I don't think it's as simple a matter as some here seem to believe.

neveradullmoment99 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:33:10

Please please for the sake of your eldest, refuse the gifts.

madcatladyforever Mon 18-Nov-19 20:33:46

i would refuse to have him in my house if anyone did that to my son, it's unacceptable and I'd write to him and let him know why he isn't welcome any more.
Disgusting behaviour. That's how I was treated in a similar situation and I've never got over it.

InACheeseAndPickle Mon 18-Nov-19 20:34:33


It really is quite simple. If you're going to a house with a bunch of kids you bring all kids pressies. It's such a simple thing to do, it's not changing your will. Omitting one child sends a very clear message that they're not family.

BrokenLogs Mon 18-Nov-19 20:35:36

They are related @DriftingLeaves hmm

It's his step grandchild. His son his married to OP, making them....related.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily Mon 18-Nov-19 20:35:54

Paternal gps aren’t around, DriftingLeaves and he has known the child from he was two. The child is also a brother to the gc, so yes, I do think they should be treated the same. It might be different if he was a teenager when they got together, but the poor lad only knows the sf’s dad as a grandfather. It’s horrible.

BillHadersNewWife Mon 18-Nov-19 20:36:08

Drifting oh what twaddle. OP has already said her DS paternal grandparents are dead. And of course nobody hAS to buy gifts...but it's completely unacceptable in normal society to bring gifts for some children and leave one out.

You sound weird.

BrendasUmbrella Mon 18-Nov-19 20:36:30

It would be kind of him to treat the children equally but it's a bit unfair to expect him to.

It's really not...

neveradullmoment99 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:36:31

I agree with @madcatladyforever
I wouldn't let him in my house. That kind of thing leaves a scar.

Ginger1982 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:38:03

You need to spell it out to him.

And you have a DH problem.

Wingingit247 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:39:18

Real grandfather is an absolute arse. Has never been to see him or sent him a single card or gift for any occasion. Poor boy has a bit of a crap family on the paternal side. DH is a lovely dad, better than his actual dad, he will back me in this, I just think the blame lies with me for not calling FIL out on this before now! I kept thinking it was a one off, then realised it had happened a few times in a row, hence getting DH to speak to him. Which he clearly did a shit job of. So now I need to step in and be really clear.

JeffreeStar Mon 18-Nov-19 20:40:30

I can’t imagine what kind of person could buy presents for two children and leave one out.. so cruel.

iamyourequal Mon 18-Nov-19 20:41:50

I don’t understand why you have put up with this for so long. It sounds like you really do need to spell out to the man how hurtful it is to exclude your eldest. If he still doesn’t see it I would tell him you will not accept gifts from him for any of them and make it up to your kids in some way yourself. How can adults be so cruel?

champagneandfromage50 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:41:56

For any person to think it is acceptable to turn up with two gifts for siblings and ignore the oldest is really rather disgusting. I cant imagine what is going through FIL head that he cant see that he is being cruel. Your DH is an arse and sadly isnt doing his bit for his DSS.

Raspberrytruffle Mon 18-Nov-19 20:44:33

That's so sad and pretty horrible, he's known your eldest since 2 so should be atleast treat like a nephew or godchild. If it were me and money and issue I'd get a token gift or put a £10 in a card. I'd be giving the 2 DC present to you on the sly to stop hurt feelings

killerKetInMyHomeHelp Mon 18-Nov-19 20:46:26

He's not a nice man at all, that is an absolutely disgusting thing to do to any child & he must know it

RB68 Mon 18-Nov-19 20:48:33

A box of maltesers is 99p quiet often, or even a normal size bar of choccie etc.

Does he call him Grandad?

This blending is hard but he must be somewhat hardhearted to ignore a small boy for that long.

I know when members of my family have dated people with kids they have virtually been adopted by the rest of the family, presents and all, get played with same as other grandkids etc

Cherrysherbet Mon 18-Nov-19 20:50:35

You ever leave children out, ever. He needs telling.

PearlsBeforeWine Mon 18-Nov-19 20:52:25

Ive no idea why you let this happen.
He's your child.
Stand up for him!

PinkCrayon Mon 18-Nov-19 20:52:55

That's horrible, especially as he has known him so long. Poor kid.

PearlsBeforeWine Mon 18-Nov-19 20:53:30

What I mean is, don't bother tiptoeing around the old buffoon, together lay it on the line.

Slappadabass Mon 18-Nov-19 20:54:35

My step grandparents used to do this too, it's really shitty and doesn't feel nice, every Christmas, Birthday, Easter etc my younger siblings got gifts, me, not so much a card. Step Aunty always included us, and still does even as adults.

Definitely say something about it, let him feel crap about it, hes a adult he should realise you don't get one without the other, it's bloody disgusting.

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