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AIBU to think this was never a caution and if it was it was an over reaction.

(72 Posts)
ACautionaryTale Mon 18-Nov-19 15:06:11

Name changed for this as anyone who knows me will know this. I know my reaction was unreasonable however to this day, I still can't see how it was a police caution and am convinced it was a case of my friends a copper and I'll sic them on you.

Back in 2008, I allegedly received a police caution. Except the cheque I wrote (remember them?) was never cashed and nothing ever happened or was followed up.

I was shopping in Tesco in the run up to Christmas and a lady was shopping with her toddler and baby. To cut a long story short, the toddler was "entertaining" the baby and you could hear the screeches echoing across the store. When I got to the till to pay, there were plenty of people commenting on it so it wasn't just me it was annoying.

Just my luck the offenders decided to get into the queue behind me. My stuff was on the conveyer and the toddler started poking at my fruit which was level with her.

I asked the mother to get her to stop and she ignored me. So I tried asking the toddler and wafting my hands about - didn't work. At this point I said rather pointedly words to the effect of "If you don't stop her prodding my stuff I'll make sure she stops".

Queue a slanging match between the mother and me about kid expressing herself and me suggesting she learns to bring her kids up and not drag them up.

I had to go to the kiosk so by the time I got out to car park the other party were already at their car which was parked two spaces away from mine. The argument resumed. There was some offing and blinding on my part and lots of screeching from hers.

A few weeks later, my exDP got as letter from his works car scheme as the police had asked to identify the driver of the vehicle on the date. Revealed it was me and I was asked to come into the local police station. I was working in another part of the country and the only time I could go in that worked fro them was late in the evening on a Saturday. I didn't think anything of it so did not take any legal representation.

Off I trotted at around 8pm on a Saturday night (which I thought was weird). This copper sat me down and said I was being cautioned for a public order offence and starts a spiel. At this point I'm gobsmacked and doing a fish impression.

When he said it was an offence to swear around Children I actually laughed and suggested he walk up the local high street on a saturday and arrest many of the people there as most were swearing and there were children around.

Apparently I'd also threatened physical violence against a child (I had not). He said he was "quite concerned I was still worked up over this several weeks later"

I said "No, I'm worked up about the waste of police resources involved in tracking me down and all this over a verbal bitch fight at the check out"

Anyway, I accepted the caution as the easiest way of closing the whole thing, filled in the form, sent off my cheque and never heard anything else. Except the cheque was never cashed - surely if they hadn't received the money, they would have followed it up.

To this day, I do wonder if it was actually a caution or someone getting their mate to make my life difficult.

Raisingwildanimals Mon 18-Nov-19 15:30:50

I might have missed something here but what was the cheque for? I’m not sure I’ve ever known anyone to have to pay the police. Are you in the UK?

Sn0tnose Mon 18-Nov-19 15:33:37

Could it have been a Penalty Notice rather than a caution? Were you asked to sign anything?

Could you not just contact the station and ask them?

Witchofzog Mon 18-Nov-19 15:35:16

Your tone was threatening with the "I'll make sure she stops comment" but the mother should hav stopped her daughter from touching your food too.

The rest is bonkers and I also don't get the cheque thing

HighlyUnlikely Mon 18-Nov-19 15:35:49

A cheque for what exactly? I wasn't aware you had to pay to accept a caution from the police.

DontMakeMeShushYou Mon 18-Nov-19 15:42:55

And this is still something you think about 11 years on?


ticking Mon 18-Nov-19 15:43:10

You could go and ask the police?

HugoSpritz Mon 18-Nov-19 15:44:26

You don't pay for cautions.

daisypond Mon 18-Nov-19 15:45:05

Are you sure it was a caution and not a penalty notice? “A penalty notice can be given to anyone aged 18 or over for minor disorder offences, such as drunk and disorderly behaviour, and results in the offender paying a fixed penalty. A local record is kept but is not a conviction.”

HighlyUnlikely Mon 18-Nov-19 15:46:31

A caution only stays on your record for six years anyway, so this has long passed.

kizkiz Mon 18-Nov-19 15:46:45

Just do a rights access request with the relevant force. Will cost you a tenner and you'll know for sure

TheQueef Mon 18-Nov-19 15:48:10

Why accept anything if you didn't do it?
Let them charge you and make a case surely hmm

EleanorReally Mon 18-Nov-19 15:48:48

it sounds like some sort of fine/penalty.
bit rubbish of them not to cash the check

have you learnt your lesson?

EleanorReally Mon 18-Nov-19 15:49:09

are you applying for a job/DBS? is this why you are asking?

TwattingDog Mon 18-Nov-19 15:53:57

You don't pay money if you get a caution.

Sounds like you were given an FPN for disorder. That is a fine, essentially.

You should check with the police force you dealt with.

Also, you were threatening violence to the child if you used the words you've quoted here.

runoutofideasnow Mon 18-Nov-19 15:54:09

Wow! I'm not sure of the legalities although i doubt its a case of someone's pal was a copper, tracked you down and called you into the station.
You acted atrociously, you threatened a toddler and shouted and swore in front of the child and baby because they poked your fruit??
Fucking hell.

WorraLiberty Mon 18-Nov-19 16:08:25

You were gobsmacked and doing a fish impression at the thought of being cautioned over threatening a toddler and swearing your head off in public?

Yeah, definitely someone going to elaborate lengths to make your life difficult hmm

Like PPs, I have no idea what the cheque is about in relation to a police caution.

FavouriteSoul Mon 18-Nov-19 16:10:18

Would this sort of thing come out on an enhanced DBS check? Can you run one on yourself and see?

SantaIsReal Mon 18-Nov-19 16:10:29

I'm genuinely in shock at the behaviour of both you and the mother. You did threaten a child otherwise what did you mean by I'll make sure she stops? The fact it spilled out into the car park is also pathetic!

Passthecherrycoke Mon 18-Nov-19 16:12:29

You just need to ask the police station tbh but the payment doesn’t make sense. I don’t think whether or not it is cashed has at bearing on your “guilt” though. You admitted guilt and accepted the fine.

I don’t see how it can be a joke played by someone I mean, you made an appointment and went to the station?

WorraLiberty Mon 18-Nov-19 16:13:12

This would never happen in Waitrose...

Passthecherrycoke Mon 18-Nov-19 16:13:46

My mum works in Waitrose and it certainly would 🤣

gamerchick Mon 18-Nov-19 16:14:52

You deserved the caution, I'm not sure what the cheque was for. You don't pay for cautions do you? *Never been in trouble with the law.

WorraLiberty Mon 18-Nov-19 16:15:57

Passthecherrycoke grin grin

Come to think of it, I've never even been to a Waitrose.

GertrudeCB Mon 18-Nov-19 16:19:12

You acted like a fish wife and got a caution < shrugs >

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