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Ex and DDs hair

(254 Posts)
Brushmyhair Sun 17-Nov-19 19:37:24

Ex has the children a few nights a week and EOW, we live in the same area 10mins walk. Everything’s fine, and we get on well. The problem is DDs hair, she has very long straight/wavy hair all the way down to her bottom, I brush her hair twice a day. Once in the morning before school, and at bedtime I brush it and plait her hair into one long plait. If I don’t do this, her hair gets really tangled and she cries when I brush it. On the weekends when she’s at her dads, he doesn’t brush her hair all weekend so when he drops her off Sunday night her hair is all tangled/sticky borderline matted and I spend a good 20 mins brushing it which DD hates.

And he takes her to school with unbrushed hair, she literally just looks like she just woke up when I pick her up. This weekend they stayed at his house, and he sent me videos/pics of the children playing, and there was DD with her unbrushed tangled hair, looking like she just woke up and his girlfriends daughter in the background playing with brushed hair in a ponytail.

I know my daughter is not her responsibility, but it hurts to see DD so scruffy compared to her daughter. It’s funny because in the beginning when they just moved in together, she used to brush DDs hair and DD used to come home with hair in beautiful hairstyles and different hair accessories, but I guess the novelty of them living together has worn off and she doesn’t want to make an effort with my DC anymore. Again this is not her responsibility, but I also wonder why she stopped brushing her hair.

I’ve spoken to ex about this several times, he just says yeah yeah and ‘forgets’. Should I just leave it and brush her hair when she gets home until she’s old enough to do it herself? What would you do?

DD just turned 6 btw.

mrscampbellblackagain Sun 17-Nov-19 19:43:12

Would your DD consider getting her hair cut - fine bottom length hair is going to be hard to look after. And will be a nightmare when she gets nits.

MrsT1405 Sun 17-Nov-19 19:44:55

I think your dd is old enough to ask for her hair to be brushed or put it into a style she can manage herself.

bridgetreilly Sun 17-Nov-19 19:45:35

She needs to have her hair at a length she can manage by herself. YABU.

IncrediblySadToo Sun 17-Nov-19 19:48:17

Yes he should brush it & yes it would be nice if his Gf did it, but you can’t make people behave like decent human beings so I would just put it in tight French plaits when she’s staying with them.

Starlight456 Sun 17-Nov-19 19:48:38

How old is Dd?
I would start encouraging her to do it herself if she wants to keep it that length

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 17-Nov-19 19:49:29

Have you spoken to DD and told her to ask her dad to do it if she’s not able to remember to brush it herself?

While claiming you’re not, you’re clearly having a pop at his partner which isn’t on.

Focus on getting DD to take some responsibility for her own hair if she wants to keep it so long. You’ve asked your ex and if he won’t do it as you do then that’s that. It sounds like he has nearly 50/50 and it’s down to parental choice.

MitziK Sun 17-Nov-19 19:49:40

She's probably screaming the place down when they try to brush it themselves.

Have you tried a Tangle Teaser?

If you use them the way you're supposed to brush hair - starting at the tips and then gradually working back towards the scalp - they work brilliantly, even with very argumentative, long and wavy hair.

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 17-Nov-19 19:50:31

you can’t make people behave like decent human beings hmm

This is about hair styles, no evidence he doesn’t feed her or wash her.

ThatssomebadhatHarry Sun 17-Nov-19 19:51:52

I’ve spoken to ex about this several times, he just says yeah yeah and ‘forgets

So you actually ask why SHE doesn’t do it. Because of course a man simply couldn’t handle the complexities of a hair brush.

LoyaltyBonus Sun 17-Nov-19 19:52:29

IMO, hair down to your bottom looks unkempt anyway. Get it cut and teach her to look after it.

What does DD say? Is it possible she doesn't "let" gf do it anymore ?

redchocolatebutton Sun 17-Nov-19 19:52:49

she needs to be able to brush her own hair. and to put a hairband/bobble in herself.
I agree that maybe a shorter cut could be helpful.

richteasandcheese Sun 17-Nov-19 19:53:10

French pleat her hair before she goes? Well tied it should last a little while, and then its never getting knotted enough to make her fuss when they then brush it out

Stegosaurus1990 Sun 17-Nov-19 19:54:06

How old is DD?

snowball28 Sun 17-Nov-19 19:54:20

That must be very frustrating for you, I love doing my SD hair (and she loves doing mine lol!) however you are correct in saying it’s not her responsibility, also we don’t know if her daughter can/did her own hair that day. I’d say the onus is on her dad to do her hair but if he isn’t doing so and hasn’t I’m the past then maybe I’d take your DD for a haircut if she can’t manage her long hair herself and sit her down to teach her that hair must be brushed every day and maybe show her how to do an easy pony tail.

PersonaNonGarter Sun 17-Nov-19 19:54:36

The problem is DD’s hair - it needs to be manageable without the involvement of other people if possible.

Quartz2208 Sun 17-Nov-19 19:54:58

HOW old is she

helpagirloutplease Sun 17-Nov-19 19:54:58

Aghast at some of the responses on here re cutting the child's hair and the child managing the hair herself. She's 6. Jesus Christ I could understand if she was older than about ten but a 6 year old? This is a basic part of caring for her.
I would keep mentioning it but not in an arsey way when it's getting to you. Just politely ask.

Are you in any contact with the girlfriend? Could you mention to her when you drop her off? Something like "i don't suppose you could try and make sure dds hair is getting brushed could you I think ex is forgetting and it's getting matted over the weekend".

Absolutely ridiculous that your dd should have to cut her hair or manage it herself.

xmasbamechange Sun 17-Nov-19 19:55:20

I know in a perfect world he would just brush it but as he isn’t could you French braid her hair before she leaves yours and hopefully it should stay in if you comb some hair wax into it (avoiding the roots)?

Proseccoinamug Sun 17-Nov-19 19:55:52

YAB a bit U. Bottom length hair is going to be hard to manage and might be better to cut it. You could also put it in French plaits and tell her to keep the plaits in the whole time she’s there.

I don’t think many men would manage a little girl’s hair that long.

I get your frustration because my dds go to their dads and their hair looks like they’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards when they go to school. He does brush it for school but doesn’t tie it back so it’s in their faces. And does a pony tail in hair that’s too short for a pony tail etc etc.

snowball28 Sun 17-Nov-19 19:56:33

Her being the GF that is.

Proseccoinamug Sun 17-Nov-19 19:58:25

I don’t think any six year old can do their own hair. Don’t be so flipping ridiculous, folks!

CheshireChat Sun 17-Nov-19 19:58:52

My son is 5 and has longish hair and there's no way in hell he'd be able to brush it properly, particularly after playing etc.

He's a lazy fucker and a shit parent IMO.

BrassTactical Sun 17-Nov-19 19:59:01

My 5 year old brushes and puts her own hair up, I mean she looks a mess but she does, the 7yo can do hers neatly.

It isn’t the GFs job really, tell her dad again, and consider cutting it into a manageable style.

If neither of those things are a goer then tbh just live with it. That’s small potatoes considering he’s a generally good dad.

minisoksmakehardwork Sun 17-Nov-19 19:59:07

I second the right french plaits. It will keep in all weekend, spritz with vo5 gel spray as well for the kid weeks and she won't look so bad at school.

Ion know gymnasts who have done this for weekend competitions when time to do hair is very tight.

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