Fucking Christmas presents

[Somesortofzilla]

Right NC but been around a while. Cancel the cheque, Mexican house thief, penis breaker, softzilla, mrs jolly etc etc

Anyway, as the title suggests I'm having a but of a problem with the subject of Christmas presents.

Quick background. I'm a single parent, and I'm close friends with a couple who have 2 DCs similar ages to my 2 DC. Firstly to avoid confusion: husband is Alan, wife is Babs. Obvs not their real names. I have been good friends with Alan since school, so over 20 years now, and have been friends with Babs for about 8 years. I met her through Alan. Our eldest 2 DC are in school together and they're good friends in their own right!

Anyway onto my problem. Today I called over with the kids to their house. A mutual friend was there as well. We were sat at the table chatting (kids off playing) and the subject of Christmas costs came up.we were being careful to talk in code in case little ears were listening. My eldest dc is 8 similar in age to their eldest. I said in our house Santa gets them one present each and the rest are from me and other family members. Santa can't get them really big/expensive things, he just doesn't have time. Eldest has a small concept of money so gets that he can't have whatever he wants as I just can't afford it. Babs said in their house it's basically a free for all (her words) and whatever the kids want santa brings. She uses it as bribery for the xmas period. Don't we all . Basically the better they are the more presents they get. At this point all 4 kids arrived in, my DS asks what she meant and she said "well DS, my kids are so good before xmas Santa gets them loads of extra presents"
DS kind of stands there, "Santa only gets me and my brother one present each"
The twat looks at him smiles and says "maybe if you're really good this year you'll get more"
There was a few seconds of awkward silence before Alan suggested the kids get the Lego out and brought them away. Mutual friend told Babs that saying that yo my DS wasn't on. I told Babs that she should have changed the subject, she'd really upset DS. At this point she got defensive and said I should get over it, santa isn't actually real, what's the issue. I got the kids and left.
DS has already asked me if he's been really bad the last few years.

TBH I'm fucking fuming, she didn't have to say anything to DS. She could have said anything else, changed the subject, distracted them. The second comment just felt like she was sticking the boot in. I get everyone treats Christmas differently and that's a personal thing.

AIBU to be upset by this or am I treating my kids like snowflakes?

[puds11]

Firstly, not every one uses Santa as a threat. I think it’s shitty to do that!

Secondly, Babs is a twat.

[Knicknamehistory]

Sorry but she's a complete twat. Trying to show off about what she can afford and I feel sorry for your child. What an utter idiot

[PatchworkElmer]

Babs isn’t a very good friend, is she.

[Beccaishere]

Horrible thing for Babs to do. If your child knows that Santa only gets one present and family get the rest could you tell your child that really the rest are from babs as her kids can be very naughty so she buys them to bribe them or something along them lines but you don’t need to do that as your child is good most of the time? X

[Maryann1975]

I agree that babs is a twat. There was no need for her to say anything to your dc and it’s none of her business how you organise the Christmas present situation in your household. Presumably they know your financial situation (they don’t need to know in detail, but I know roughly which friends have loads and which are struggling a bit) so I think it was a really shitty thing for her to say to your dc knowing that you will struggle to provide more for your dc.

[MooPointCowsOpinion]

Santa certainly does not bring the most presents to ‘really good’ children, unless all poor kids are arseholes all of a sudden?

Barb was being a right cow. In our house Santa is a game everybody plays at Xmas, we can play or not play, and my kids get presents anyway. No bribery or tattle tale elves involved either.

I’d be ignoring Barb for a long time, and telling your son Barb was completely wrong and buys all the other presents herself but likes to fib about it, because Santa brings everybody just 1.

[Lulualla]

Sit your 8 year old son down and tell him that Santa only brings 1 present for every child, but sometimes parents pretend all the presents are from Santa so the kids don't get confused on Christmas day. Tell him you've never pretended because you knew he'd understand that one was from Santa and the rest from family.

There was a thread here last year where someone asked how many gifts from Santa and I said it should always just be 1 present, because for some kids that's all the parents can afford and when other kids start saying "santa got me 10 presents" then that one child ends up feeling like they are less deserving. I was told that was nonsense, kids don't talk and don't feel left out. But it absolutely happens.

[fedup21]

Babs is a fucking twat.

[DollyPomPoms]

Babs is shit head.

[AdalindMeisner]

Your poor boy. Babs is a bitch. I would be sure to tell her so as well.

[IggyAce]

Babs is a complete dick. Santa has only ever brought 1 present in our house. I feel it’s important that children learn the value of money and not become entitled.

[MyDcAreMarvel]

DS has already asked me if he's been really bad the last few years. isn’t ds your 8 year old?

[Emmagen]

Babs is a twat. How mean of her

In this house Santa brings the stocking, so way more than one present but all small low value things, not the toys that will get talked about at school at any rate.

[PumpkinPie2016]

Babs is a right idiot - who says that to a child?

I would go with telling your son that Santa brings all children 1 present but some mums and dads pretend Santa brings them all.

My son is 5 and believes in Santa, we have always said that mum/dad/nana/grandad etc. Order the presents from Santa and send the money so that the elves can make them. It helps him to see why some children get more/less, means he appreciates he can't have everything and also means he thanks people for their presents.

It is no less exciting, he loves the whole Santa thing and Christmas.

[IceCreamAndCandyfloss]

At 8 he will be on the cusp of knowing Santa isn’t real if he doesn’t already. Am sure you can think of something to explain the differences as he will have encountered it at school as well probably when discussing after the holidays.

I’ve heard Santa used as discipline by many, personally hate it.

[Catapillarsruletheworld]

Babs seems like a bit of a knob.

Maybe though you could get your dc a few small cheap extra things from Santa so they think they’ve been good.

[Dutch1e]

This is why I raise my kids in the 'knowledge' that Santa brings little stocking-stuffers and all the big stuff is from the parents. Babs is a dick, maybe you could use the story above, with a small confession that the one excellent present has always been from you? At least then he'll have something to be smug about next time he sees her kids.

[Jeezoh]

Babs is horrible! I like the suggestion of telling your friend that Babs pretends more presents are from Santa as she has to bribe her kids to behave, unlike you who doesn’t have to resort to that.

[Celebelly]

Babs is a knobber!

I always only got one present from Santa, by the fireplace in the morning, and my stocking. I'll be doing the same for my DD.

[Wizzbangpop]

This is why I think that there should be international code about what is in Santa's remit for presents and what parents get and everyone sticks to it. Same goes for how much a tooth is worth from the tooth fairy.

Yanbu and babs is a knob. Especially as you'd told her your stance previously

[BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou]

Babs is a cow! Father Christmas brings stocking gifts to this house (even to DH and I because we are VERY good 😉) and the gifts under the tree are from the named people. Our DCs only get gifts from DH and I anyway so we do kind of make up for lack of grandparent etc gifts by buying extra but they have always known that they are from Mum & Dad and that we have to pay for them out of household budget.

Incidentally these ‘children’ are 21 and 16 so I don’t think they still believe in Father Christmas but they still shout “he’s been” when they wake up to their stockings.

[VenusTiger]

YANBU I never talk about Santa presents in front of or near my boy. She’s a knob!

[GreySheep]

Lulualla

Sit your 8 year old son down and tell him that Santa only brings 1 present for every child, but sometimes parents pretend all the presents are from Santa so the kids don't get confused on Christmas day. Tell him you've never pretended because you knew he'd understand that one was from Santa and the rest from family.

THIS! Exactly this.

Babs is a Twunt.

[PollyFeather]

In my house, Santa doesn't provide one gift at all. Nothing. All the presents after from me etc and Santa merely delivers them all.

Mine are older and don't believe now so it's by the by but that's how I've always done it

[haveuheard]

Yes Babs is a twat but I personally would assume that by 8 they were playing along for younger siblings and wouldn't take comments on 'Santa' seriously.