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Help Please Teen DD, Ketamine & Contacting Friends DM. WWYD

(88 Posts)
killerKetInMyHomeHelp Sun 17-Nov-19 11:34:11

Long time intermittent regular, name changed. Penis beaker, Pom bears, naice ham etc . Not so much an AIBU, I'm sure I will be considered to be in part U by some of you, but if it keeps my DD safe from harm, I really don't care about crossing boundaries. I'm posting here from traffic, I hope you'll understand.

I'll try & keep it brief, but it's going to be difficult without drip feeding.

A few days ago whilst hoovering DDs room. She is just barely 17, I found a small plastic bag with the residue of off white powder in it. We approached it calmly with her & she denied all knowledge of it, insisting one of her friends must have dropped it & that she didn't know what it was, but it could be mdma or Ketamine as that's the only drugs she's known of in her circle. I tasted it in front of DD, partly to see if she'd own up as it could be dangerous to me & partly to see if I could work out what it was. Neither worked, We reminded DD that her not insignificant medical problems made this a ridiculous thing fir her to take as she was high risk for a bad reaction & death. About 20 minutes later my heart was racing, I have a minor heart complaint that made this a big concern so I went back to DD & told her I was scared that whatever was I that bag was strong & was affecting me & depending on what it was I would need to go to A&E. She again denied knowing what it was, insisting someone had dropped it.

My iPad used to be DDs, I sometimes get notifications of instagram messages & can see the header. Message from her close friend saying "mums just found Ket in my room," so I went onto her laptop & to the messages & basically friend has told her DM the same lie mine told me & her mums accepted it. How relieved they are to get away with it etc.

There's so much more to this as to where this drug is coming from, past worry of her drug taking, Ketamine I'm told is an out of town favourite & the connections there have already thrown up a scary situation where an obsessive lad was messaging DD about his rape fantasy about her, ahead of him being sectioned. DD had stayed at his house & this is a tucking date rape drug!!

I'm so hurt she's putting her self at risk in this way, I'm so hurt that she knew what was in the bag & yet didn't tell me when I was worried my heart rate was going nuts. I'm so hurt that it was on the gucking floor & could have killed our kitten. I can't believe she is this fucking stupid when she knows exactly how bad her health can get if she isn't very careful.

I tackled her this morning & without owning up to reading her messages, I said I was contacting her friends DM as she needed to know they were using this. Seems from that it's just the girls that have the connection to this out of town area & she's begged me not to tell her friends DM as she will be in so much trouble, telling me about her friends DM finding the same thing I did & friend has just lied to her, so basically owning up to the messages.

I am contacting the friends DM, they both need protecting & she's tge one that insists on keeping contact with the out of Towners, especially the manipulative creepy lad who was sectioned & is now out. Came out to a fucking party put on by his DM, with the instructions no drugs in the house, but he gardens ok. Huge pressure on my DD to go & it's clear DD worries that she might lose her best friend if she says how she really feels about this ladangry

Urghhhhh!! How to I go from here, I've read her the riot act & not held back saying how fucking stupid she is for putting herself at risk like this. She insisting that she didn't realise that this drug is one of the reasons she needs specialist anaesthetic fir surgery, dental work etc, but we've always spoke openly about drugs & made damned sure that she knew she's a high risk fir serious harm.

I do want to contact the other DM, if it were me I'd want to know, but I don't know her at all & only have contact details for her because she took something I freecycled & it ended up in the photos of a party DD was at, so we swapped messages about how funny that was & relising our DDs are good friends.

HTF do I word such a message sad

Flouncysinatra Sun 17-Nov-19 11:52:35

Sorry but I can’t really get past you deciding to take whatever away in the bag to prove a point when you have a heart condition..

Anyways - what are you planning on telling the other mother. It’s not really clear what her dd’s involvement is here.

Rosspoldarkssaddle Sun 17-Nov-19 11:55:20

Ask to meet with her and her daughter and attend with your daughter.
Calmly explain what has happened and your concerns about this out of town party. Let the girls speak. Let the mother speak. Try and talk it out. The girls need to know that their divide and rule plan has failed and that you, as parents have the veto for their activities until such time as they can exercise good judgement. There may be finger pointing and she may blame your daughter for leading hers astray. She needs to understand they are both guilty, both have lied and both are involved. Look to the girls to make the right choices by themselves.

killerKetInMyHomeHelp Sun 17-Nov-19 11:58:10

I didn't take it, just touched the tip of my tong in the residue to taste it, though let her think I'd taken more. I was shocked that my heart was racing the way it did as I barely tasted any & heart condition is very minor, but can make me a risk for tachycardia. With hindsight's the was stupid, but I was winging it I suppose as this isn't a situation I've dealt with before

LolaDabestest Sun 17-Nov-19 11:58:55

Ok... so one of the stupidest things I've heard you have a heart cond yet took some drug you didn't know what it was at the time and could have killed your self? Yes you have a stupid dd but she equally has a stupid mother.

villamariavintrapp Sun 17-Nov-19 12:00:20

This is very weird. So you took some random drugs you found in front of your daughter? Despite having a heart condition? Thinking you'd be able to taste the difference between mdma and ketamine? Do you have a history of drug use that means you're familiar with the tastes? It seems a very bizarre way of teaching your daughter about the dangers of drug use..

MuchBetterNow Sun 17-Nov-19 12:02:47

Odd.

TheQueef Sun 17-Nov-19 12:03:20

Bit of Russian roulette taking it yourself hmm

Just ask the if he mum did she find anything.

Flouncysinatra Sun 17-Nov-19 12:03:48

You mention that the crowd you don’t like are “out of towners”. How is DD getting out to this party?

killerKetInMyHomeHelp Sun 17-Nov-19 12:04:35

I'm planning on telling her that I've found the drug in DDs room, know what it is & I'm very concerned about all of them & feel she needs to know too, especially that it's a date rape drug & is coming from a friendship group that I'm already very concerned about because of the rape fantasy messages to an unwilling DD from a lad who is very manipulative & was recently hospitalised for MH issues, along this lines, but struggling with how to word it.

I'm also wondering what else to do as DD needs a bloody big wake up call & im not sure getting caught is enough. I've even thought of ringing the bloody police & reporting her, I'm that freaked out & fuming that shit was brought into our home

Sproglets Sun 17-Nov-19 12:07:39

**Especially the manipulative, creepy lad who was sectioned and is now out.

What’s that got to do with price of fish?!

cochineal7 Sun 17-Nov-19 12:09:23

This will not go down well on text message. You need a face to face. Preferably with girls present.

AlwaysCheddar Sun 17-Nov-19 12:09:33

Sorry but you’re really really stupid to have taken that drug. One of the significant messages used out there is that one pill can kill, just like one taste can kill. Definitely can you tell the other man and go online and get some information. Is there a website called talk Frank or something.

killerKetInMyHomeHelp Sun 17-Nov-19 12:10:16

Thanks fir the replies, I've already said it was a bloody stupid thing to do.

Yes I've dabbled in my youth, not much as I quickly released it made me very ill & I didn't like what it turned my friends into so I found new ones. So I know enough to maybe be able to identify it, I couldn't though & wasn't tasting anymore that's for sure. I didn't think I'd tasted enough to have any effect, just hopefully be identifying

Winterdaysarehere Sun 17-Nov-19 12:11:35

Ask your dd what sort of funeral she wants.
Be serious. She is dicing with her life..

killerKetInMyHomeHelp Sun 17-Nov-19 12:12:33

Excuse me if I struggle to keep up with replies, stress of this has triggered migraine..

Flounce they get the train, DD didn't go, we stopped her going.

Friend is now in college with the kids from this small satellite town

MuchBetterNow Sun 17-Nov-19 12:13:06

How could you possibly have thought you'd be able to identify the drug?

Really lovely way to describe someone with severe mh problems as well.

MrMeSeeks Sun 17-Nov-19 12:13:22

Why would you taste it??? Not really a good message to send to your dd.

Flouncysinatra Sun 17-Nov-19 12:14:15

Oh come on - at least own what you did. No one can tell whether powder is ketamin, mdma or something else from tasting it - you did it to try and get your daughter to own up, and then tried to emotionally blackmail her with talk of A&E (which she probably could see through at 17 years old).

killerKetInMyHomeHelp Sun 17-Nov-19 12:14:59

Especially the manipulative, creepy lad who was sectioned and is now out.

What’s that got to do with price of fish?!*

Err, it's a date rape drug & this lad has already flipped out & obsessively messaged DD about his rape fantasies about her & then apologised "because he was ill" & then did it again

Flouncysinatra Sun 17-Nov-19 12:18:23

But your daughter is obviously taking this of her own volition - it’s not being snuck into her drink.

You need to take some time to coherently think about what points you want to make to this mother. A lot of what you’ve posted here isn’t relevant (e.g a party which your daughter didn’t attend).

Think about what is relevant to the mum - otherwise I fear that you’re likely to paint your daughter as the ringleader here.

Ihavetoomanyfeelings Sun 17-Nov-19 12:19:48

You definitely crossed boundaries by reading her messages, I know it was from a place of love and trying to keep her safe but if I found out my parents had done that at her age I would have shut down. And why on earth would you actually take the drug to make a point? In my uni days I stupidly took ket and mdma and I couldn't tell you the difference in taste.

I understand your worry, if she was a few years younger I would agree with your approach. However my advice is that you be careful, she is 17 so nearly an adult, if you go in all guns blazing, snooping through her messages and property, then you may find you end up with a daughter who won't talk to you about it. If she goes to uni then she'll be exposed to even more drugs. Say if one day she got into a lot of trouble and took too much on a night out, you want her to feel safe calling you to get help yes? Well she isn't going to feel comfortably doing that remembering how you reacted now.

Sit down with her, try and talk to her and understand her. Be calm and talk to her like an adult and in turn she should show you the same respect. People are always more willing to open up to people when they don't feel judged and when the other person isn't really angry.

Im really sorry though, it's an awful situation to be in when she already has health issues!

GreenTulips Sun 17-Nov-19 12:20:45

Is she still in school? They usually have access to drug councillors and the like. Schools take this seriously.

Meet with the parents, how would you feel if something happened and you could’ve prevented it?

Sometimes kids get involved with stuff and are actually relieved that a grown up has stepped in as they don’t lose face - oldies being the baddies

Had similar this week with DD although not drug related - and had to step in and meet parents - they have been great and sorted the issue.

2stepsonthewater Sun 17-Nov-19 12:23:30

That sounds like a horrible situation to be in. Not a good idea to put this on AIBU as you'll get mostly sniping unhelpful comments, as you've just found out.

The best advice is from Rosspoldarkssaddle
Ask to meet with her and her daughter and attend with your daughter.
Calmly explain what has happened and your concerns about this out of town party. Let the girls speak. Let the mother speak. Try and talk it out. The girls need to know that their divide and rule plan has failed and that you, as parents have the veto for their activities until such time as they can exercise good judgement. There may be finger pointing and she may blame your daughter for leading hers astray. She needs to understand they are both guilty, both have lied and both are involved. Look to the girls to make the right choices by themselves.

killerKetInMyHomeHelp Sun 17-Nov-19 12:23:55

I'm ignoring the trolling let's attack someone asking for help posts, so you can froth away to your hearts content, I'm not biting, we know the truth, you clearly don't.

I will repeat though though - that the bag was empty, it was residue only, so tasting that was hardly going to do much to me, though it did more than I expected, so it shocked me as to how strong it was. But yes, a bloody stupid thing to do, even though I know you CAN identify some drugs this way, so in the spur of the moment it made sense.

Thanks for the few of you who have taken the trouble to post helpful replies. I'll read properly later when my headache has hopefully cleared

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