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Is DD being a spoilt brat?

(295 Posts)
Inlawsoutlaws Sat 16-Nov-19 13:45:34

Myself and DH are in a lucky position where we can afford to buy somewhere for our grown up DCs (to live together). They are late twenties living in a very expensive European city. One has a short term boyfriend and the other is single.

DH and I want to buy a large house for them which would effectively use up our spare cash and be their inheritance. House in question is a bit tired and would require work. DCs are grateful but have said they don’t have the time or resources to manage house and garden and are concerned about the cost. They also see it as a short term arrangement and would rather buy a flat, which I am very against for various reasons (primarily do not see it as a good investment).

They are in such a fortunate position but can’t seem to see it! Are they being spoilt? We lock horns all the time about their reasoning but I want to get outside opinions

Thehop Sat 16-Nov-19 13:46:50


Flat sounds sensible really if they won’t maintain a house and garden or do it up then surely it’ll just devalue?

CallmeAngelina Sat 16-Nov-19 13:47:06

No, I don't think they are being spoilt. They have a fair enough point of view

iklboo Sat 16-Nov-19 13:48:18

I don't think they're being spoilt. It's going to be their home. They should get a choice.

ihatethecold Sat 16-Nov-19 13:48:21

Is there a reason you don’t respect their opinion on this issue?

Musicalstatues Sat 16-Nov-19 13:48:59

They sound very sensible to me. It everyone has the time or ability or desire to do up a house. You’ve said they’re grateful so not spoilt. If YOU want to buy a house and do it up then you should do so but your daughters are perfectly within their rights to not want to do this. If you don’t want to buy them a flat then don’t, that’s your choice too.

GrumpyHoonMain Sat 16-Nov-19 13:49:29

If the city is London then neither is a good idea unless they are actually living in it because when squatters come in it can be impossible to evict them.

Suggest you just give them the money and let them use it on what they want

Musicalstatues Sat 16-Nov-19 13:49:35

‘NOT everyone’ that should say

forkfun Sat 16-Nov-19 13:50:02

Not spoilt. Your offer is very generous, but it doesn't suit their lives right now. That doesn't mean you should buy them a flat. Perhaps invest the money and help them with a deposit when they are ready to buy?

BlackSwanGreen Sat 16-Nov-19 13:50:04

I think they’re being realistic. Taking on a large house requiring lots of maintenance isn’t for everyone. They probably want to focus on their lives and careers.

HundredMilesAnHour Sat 16-Nov-19 13:50:51

They're in a very fortunate position but at the same time, I don't feel they're being totally unreasonable. It doesn't sound like a house is suitable for their lifestyles (which would be the case for most young people). The house seems to be what you want to buy but are you expecting them to do the work on a house they don't want? You say this is their inheritance but you're not giving them a say in how it's spent? It would be different if you already owned the house but if you're buying something specifically for them, surely it makes sense to take their needs into account?

ChateauMyself Sat 16-Nov-19 13:51:14

why not split the cash so they can each put towards their own places. They’re not going to want to share forever.

NoHummus Sat 16-Nov-19 13:51:33

I'm with them. I'm also assuming that they don't want to live together in a house for the foreseeable future. Buy them a flat each!

Reallynowdear Sat 16-Nov-19 13:51:34

No, they are being practical. A large house is a lot to manage, and possibly a money pit, they are being honest with you.

Pomegranatemolasses Sat 16-Nov-19 13:52:15

They're not acting as spoilt brats and you need to listen to their opinions.

MsRomanoff Sat 16-Nov-19 13:52:41

I would have wanted a house when I was younger especially one that wanted work.

This sounds less than you do g then a favour and you doing something you want to do and pretending it's for them.

kalinkafoxtrot45 Sat 16-Nov-19 13:53:05

They’re being realistic. Nothing spoilt about it, they are right to be concerned about renovations and upkeep.

peachesforfree Sat 16-Nov-19 13:53:36

Tying siblings together in a property deal in their late twenties is a massive mistake in my opinion. What happens next - they are likely to want to get married, cohabit, move abroad and rent out, all sorts. 2 flats even if small is more sensible Imho

abitoflight Sat 16-Nov-19 13:54:47

I wouldn't give away my spare cash tbh
What if needed for care at home in case of illness etc
Also, would the house be put into a trust for their benefit? What about if they marry someone and they end up having a claim on the property?
I can see their POV re maintaining a large house. I've maintained various larger houses and it's a money pit
My sister can redecorate all her house. I cant redecorate any of my rooms - too big, ceilings too high. And I'm happier now with a smaller garden as so much money spent on gardeners at previous houses

Liverbird77 Sat 16-Nov-19 13:54:56

I would also worry about what might happen in the future.
What is one of them wants a partner to move in, but the other is unhappy about it?
What if they are OK with it, but then children come into it?
What if one wants to sell but the other doesn't?
What if they argue either bow or in the future about who has paid/contributed more to improvements and renovations?
I think it would be more sensible to buy each of them a smaller property.

Disfordarkchocolate Sat 16-Nov-19 13:55:20

I don't think they are spoilt. I don't like having to maintain a house and garden, I'd be very resentful if it hadn't been my decision. I'm sure there is a compromise.

Jollitwiglet Sat 16-Nov-19 13:56:24

Is there a reason you disbelieve they don't have the time and resources to manage the house and garden you have in mind?

MsRomanoff Sat 16-Nov-19 13:56:41

*I wouldn't give away my spare cash tbh
What if needed for care at home in case of illness etc*

Probably one of the reasons the OP wants to do this.

OneDay10 Sat 16-Nov-19 13:56:49

What is the plans for the house in the future?
you obviously dont expect them to live together forever?

A flat sounds much more practical.
A larger house might not always end up being a great investment.

Majorcollywobble Sat 16-Nov-19 13:57:50

It’s very laudable that you want to do this but there are drawbacks - what if they decide that they no longer wish to live together in future ? Or move a boyfriend or partner in ? Will one DD but the other DD out ?
They express concerns about upkeep and maintainance - those concerns are valid and though you expect gratitude their concerns are logical . You are placing a lot of conditions on the house purchase and discounting their preference for a flat on the basis it’s not such a good investment. I’m sure your DDs don’t wish to appear ungrateful.
We were in a similar position after offering to sign over a small renovated second home to our only DD . She raised the issue that we’d not had it surveyed as it was a cash purchase . Initially it felt like ingratitude but it was a realistic approach ! Took the wind out of our sails for sure . Later on she accepted and was gratifyingly grateful.

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