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Just had an earful from the doctors surgery for missing appointment.

(320 Posts)
ChocolateSiany Fri 15-Nov-19 14:13:24

I missed my son's jabs. I phoned them to change my phone number on my file so I don't miss any appointments. I forgot to change it on my son's file. So stupid. I am really forgetful so depend on their text reminders. I have started writing down all my appointments, but I didn't write this one down. I apologised profusely and have now changed my number and written down his new appointment. The woman on the phone pretty much laid in to me. Told me that missed appointments such as these are the reason the NHS is under such stress. I again apologised profusely and said it wasn't done intentionally, I understand my wrongdoing and that I am incredibly sorry. She continued. Told me that sorry won't get the appointment back and that I should maybe think about getting a diary if my memory isn't up to scratch. I am shocked she spoke to me like that, I feel incredibly guilty for missing the appointment (I don't miss appointments regularly). Feeling down and upset that I missed the appointment. AIBU to think that whilst I was in the wrong, she didn't have the right to be so rude to me?

ChocolateSiany Fri 15-Nov-19 14:15:41

She also said that my son is dependant on me getting his jabs and that it's up to me to make sure he gets to his appointments. It was a real lecture. I've never missed an appointment before. She was so angry. I agree with everything she was saying to an extent but the way she spoke to me was awfully belittling

ClaudiaWankleman Fri 15-Nov-19 14:16:47

I would be annoyed too - an accident is an accident,. Even though we should all be turning up to our appointments, missed appointments are just simply not the reason the NHS is under stress anyway. That has just been the excuse of politicians to compensate for their underfunding.
YANBU to think you should have been spoken to with a bit more respect.

Damntheman Fri 15-Nov-19 14:17:05

She shouldn't have continued to lay into you, it's not the most professional, although I fully understand why she did. Does your phone not have a calendar function through which it can give you reminders? As an adult it's your responsibility to find a method of remembering things like this. I have a friend who flat refuses to write anything into his phone calendar and then consistently doesn't show up unless I remind him the day before and then the morning of arrangements. It drives me batty, I'm not his mother, I shouldn't have to do that.

Set up your phone calendar and take a little responsility for your bad memory/organisation. These missed appointments cost the NHS a fortune in lost time and someone else could probably have really used that appointment.

RhiWrites Fri 15-Nov-19 14:17:40

You’re going to get a kicking here.

Without hearing the tone it’s hard to say if she was rude. She sounds forceful and assertive. I think the upset you feel is really being upset with yourself. Take steps to ensure this doesn’t happen again and you will feel better.

Try google calendar and set appointments to remind you a week before, a day before and 2 hours before. It works for me!

And be understanding towards the doctor’s receptionist. The strain she feels is real and you have (unintentionally) contributed to it.

Damntheman Fri 15-Nov-19 14:18:28

Just to confirm (because I realise it got lost in my little personally-fuelled rant), YANBU to have expected to have been treated with more kindness, even if the rant was understandable. I hope you're feeling okay after, I suspect I would feel quite shaken after such a phone call.

sillysmiles Fri 15-Nov-19 14:18:59

Calendar function on phone.

crustycrab Fri 15-Nov-19 14:19:15

Well you won't do it again will you 🤷🏽‍♀️

ChocolateSiany Fri 15-Nov-19 14:19:28

@damntheman yes I get text reminders from the doctors. Hence why I have never missed an appointment before. I just didn't think to change my mobile number on mine AND my son's account. Stupid me really and I explained this to her. It was a genuine mistake. If this function didn't exist I would write it down but for the past 8 years at that surgery I have never missed an appointment due to them sending me reminders

YouTheCat Fri 15-Nov-19 14:19:43

She's kind of right though. It is up to you to make sure they have phone numbers updated and, although, missed appointments are not the only reason the NHS is stressed it is certainly one of the reasons.

CheshireChat Fri 15-Nov-19 14:20:17

My kid's jabs were on a drop in system, it worked really well.

She also could've asked if you need to update the info for other people in your household and failed to do so

Ilovethekitties Fri 15-Nov-19 14:21:09

She was right, but rude. Swallow this one OP and dont miss another appointment.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Fri 15-Nov-19 14:21:12

It may well be your first missed appointment but it's probably the 20th of her week. She absoloutley shouldn't have been rude but a firm reminder about the importance of not missing appointments is suitable.

ChocolateSiany Fri 15-Nov-19 14:22:33

She was definitely rude. When I tried explaining she cut me off and didn't let me finish my sentence. Was huffing and puffing. I literally said sorry 5/6 times and she still continued to lecture me. I just wouldn't dream of talking to someone like that who had made a mistake. The mistake was obvious too. It's not like I got the text reminder and still missed it.

Butterymuffin Fri 15-Nov-19 14:22:42

Bet you men don't get told off in the same way because they'd then get angry instead of continuing to apologise. Plus, surely the records should be linked as a child that age can't possibly have their own phone number?

BlueCornsihPixie Fri 15-Nov-19 14:24:54

I think that while she shouldn't have continued to lay into you she was right

Imagine if everyone was a bit forgetful that day and no one turned up to their appointments?

You need to take responsibility for your appointments, you can't be reliant on the surgery to remind you. Do you think most people remember their appointments? No they write them down, it's not that you are forgetful it's that you couldn't be bothered to do what everyone else does and expevted the surgery to remind you, therefore missed an appointment.

PanamaPattie Fri 15-Nov-19 14:25:14

YANBU. There was no need for her to speak to you like that. Mistakes happen. Missed appointments will not be the cause of the NHS stress. What a rude jobsworth. Think of how many people miss their breast screening appointments because the invites are just sent out and ignored? Try not to be too upset OP, some people are just stroppy shits and are very brave ranting on the phone.

codenameduchess Fri 15-Nov-19 14:27:02

She had probably heard dozens of people apologise while saying it wasn't their fault for missing their appointment while also being yelled at by other patients who can't get an one but would turn up. It's no excuse if she was rude, but you can see how she would be fed up with it all as receptionists get a lot of abuse.

It's all on you op, you didn't update the number, you forgot the appointment. Take it in the chin and start using another reminder. The texts aren't infallible even if the surgery have the right number.

PaganPriestess Fri 15-Nov-19 14:27:35

I think you've got to be her side, listening to all the excuses she hears. Sorry I missed my appointment but ...

She is rightly thinking but what, if it was that important then you would have made it.

With babies jabs I think it impacts when they can have the next ones.

BossAssBitch Fri 15-Nov-19 14:27:40

YANBU. I'm certainly not going to lecture you on taking responsibility as you have already clearly stated how shitty you feel flowers

I would report her for her unprofessional attitude. Fine to explain why missed appointments cost the NHS a lot but absolutely not fine to tear you a new one. She had no right to berate you, only serving to perpetuate the stereotype of GP receptionists being battleaxes who think they are doctors by proxy. My GP receptionists are the antithesis of this widely held view and are always professional and warm.

Allfednonedead Fri 15-Nov-19 14:27:42

I think people in a system that is under so much pressure are likely to behave less professionally and more emotionally than an individual situation warrants.
To that extent, I think you just have to tell yourself this wasn’t personal and let it go.
I am deeply sympathetic, though, because I have executive function issues that mean I’d be very likely to make such a mistake, and being told off like that would probably trigger a significant MH crisis for me. biscuitbrew

Livebythecoast Fri 15-Nov-19 14:27:53

At the surgery I worked in when you changed address/telephone number it links to the other household members and asks if you want to change them too. You would have thought that as your son is a baby/child (?) they should have changed his number too?.

RavenLG Fri 15-Nov-19 14:29:03

Told me that missed appointments such as these are the reason the NHS is under such stress. I again apologised profusely and said it wasn't done intentionally, I understand my wrongdoing and that I am incredibly sorry.
This is fine.

She continued. Told me that sorry won't get the appointment back and that I should maybe think about getting a diary if my memory isn't up to scratch.
This is not.

I completely agree that time wasters are the massive for the NHS (I was told by a nurse recently that a recent study did an 'average cost per appointment' and worked out last year the cost for the all the missed appointments would cover 3000 additional GPs). she made her point already and you had apologised and understood that. Talking to you like a naughty child isn't going to change anything, even if you are a serial time waster.

Disfordarkchocolate Fri 15-Nov-19 14:31:06

When I changed my contract details at my doctors the receptionist asked me who else needed amending in our family. I'm surprised they didn't do the same with you.

User3421090989098 Fri 15-Nov-19 14:33:24

It was a human mistake it happens! No she didn’t need to be so rude.

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