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Non commital invitation responses. It’s rude right? AIBU

(128 Posts)
Countryescape Fri 15-Nov-19 06:53:49

I feel like this is a very common occurrence in the age of texting, messaging, Snapchat etc.

I personally HATE it when you extend an invite and the recipients replies “we are currently free that day at the moment, but can I let you know the day before/closer to the time in case something comes up?”

Isnt that just code for “I am free but I don’t want to commit yet in case something better comes up.”

AIBU?? Who can be arsed with that?! They’re basically assuming you are happy to keep that day in your diary free with the distinct possibility they might cancel.

Let me know your thoughts!

SnuggyBuggy Fri 15-Nov-19 06:56:28

That's a very cheeky response and I agree with your interpretation of it.

Finfintytint Fri 15-Nov-19 06:56:36

Depends on how far in advance you are asking. If you invite me to something next July then I have no idea what work commitments I may have.

Cherrysoup Fri 15-Nov-19 06:58:26

Honestly, I’d reply ‘OK, forget it as you don’t seem particularly interested’ but then nobody has ever done that to me and it would strike me the same way as the OP. Just rude.

Countryescape Fri 15-Nov-19 06:59:17

One week in advance so not unreasonable

8by8 Fri 15-Nov-19 07:00:53

Yeah that would strike me as rude too. Only way it’s ok is if they mean they don’t know their work shifts yet? Otherwise they are basically saying they’ll come if they’ve nothing better on.
I’d reply saying “I’d rather get things sorted now - if you aren’t sure then I’ll make plans with somebody else. Hope to see you some other time!”. I think that’s reasonably polite but also makes clear that you’re not hanging around waiting for them.

Ginfordinner Fri 15-Nov-19 07:01:52

Good answer Cherrysoup.
I agree OP. It is far too common these days.

happinessischocolate Fri 15-Nov-19 07:09:45

I had one particular friend who did this, and I just made other arrangements instead and then closer to the time when this friend text to confirm that we were still on, I just replied oh no sorry I thought you weren't available so I made other better plans

She soon learnt 😁

AuntieStella Fri 15-Nov-19 07:13:45

Yes, that's rude, unless there are unusual extenuating circumstances.

Either
a) - accept straightaway,
b) - decline straightaway, or
c) - say you need to check home diary (or some other holding response) so you can mull it over, and then do a) or b) within 24 hours (48 max)

If on receiving end of such rudeness, then I think best reponse is" It's not that sort of invitation, so I'll take that as a 'no' for this occasion. Would love to see you soon, please do let me know when things settle down for you so we can fix a day"

Clickncollect Fri 15-Nov-19 07:14:44

Yep, I’ve had this before and it’s bloody rude!! ‘I’ll let you know nearer the time’ - errr no, you expect me to keep my precious time free just in case you fancy gracing me with your presence. Don’t think so!!
My response was ‘ok, I won’t keep it free but let me know nearer the time and I’ll let you know if it still suits’
I ended up getting a better offer elsewhere which I accepted, the person in question did message me nearer the time to ask if we were still on and I said no, sorry!

shambhala76 Fri 15-Nov-19 07:15:21

Yes, it's very rude. I have so far done two all-class parties for my DD, and on both occasions had replies like this. There was one parent who even replied saying she would let me know the day before the actual party (her child was not ill or anything, so no reason for this). Really grinds my gears. Interestingly enough, this year we just did a small party for DD's close friends and everyone replied to the invite either the same day or within a day or two, well in advance of the actual party.

AuntieStella Fri 15-Nov-19 07:17:12

"Yeah that would strike me as rude too. Only way it’s ok is if they mean they don’t know their work shifts yet"

In which case you say "I'd love to, and I think I'm free, but I haven't got my rota yet. It comes out on XXX, can I let you know then if I'm free, and if not then perhaps we can do something on one of the days I do have off"

Countryescape Fri 15-Nov-19 07:19:37

I haven't responded yet but I was going to go along the lines of " Hey lets just forget it as I'm pretty busy and would rather confirm something now." You let me know when you're free.

LannisterLion1 Fri 15-Nov-19 07:19:52

Depends what they are referring too.

Work (especially shift worker), baby due date...not unreasonable.

Waiting for a better off...unreasonable and not worth bothering with again.

widgetbeana Fri 15-Nov-19 07:20:35

Totally rude.
I work as a supply teacher and so often don't know until literally the morning of the day in question if I can can attend something. But if it is an important event or group event I will always either say yes (and decline any work offers that day) or no. It is just good manners.

If it is something organised by my closest friends they will often tell me to just turn up if I can, as they understand but that is something bred by familiarity and understanding, and it is not an expectation.

Totally rude.

ScreamingCosArgosHaveNoRavens Fri 15-Nov-19 07:22:40

Yes, I agree. If there's a valid reason such as waiting to hear about work shifts, the person should say so.

Countryescape Fri 15-Nov-19 07:23:27

Exactly @ Clickncollect! They are expecting me to keep my time free??!! Ummmm no! I have a lot of other options and really can't be arsed with this half in half out rubbish!

StrictlyNameChangin Fri 15-Nov-19 07:25:41

This is becoming increasingly common as others have said. It's really shitty behaviour.

Thecurtainsofdestiny Fri 15-Nov-19 07:25:44

Yanbu. I was just getting to know someone who did this...the potential friendship has not progressed as I couldn't be bothered with that.

Now I'll tend to reply saying that I need to know by x date (say in a couple of days time) and if I don't hear from them by then I'll assume they're not available.

Countryescape Fri 15-Nov-19 07:25:56

There was no explanation at all. Just, "in case something comes up". I would completely understand if it was , not sure of shifts yet, family member might be having an operation, child is still sick but might be okay by then, calving season on the far etc etc, but with no explanation? No!

loseyourself Fri 15-Nov-19 07:29:14

nobody normal does that, rescind the offer straightaway.

LannisterLion1 Fri 15-Nov-19 07:29:30

In which case OP then make alternate plan and when they cancel/accept then tell them they didn't seem interested in meeting up and others did.

EvaHarknessRose Fri 15-Nov-19 07:29:34

It might just be easier than typing out 'i don't yet know the time of dds away football match, whether dh mum needs us to go over etc etc. It depends whether it's a casual catch up that can fit round life or not - which is how I and my friends approach it.

mummmy2017 Fri 15-Nov-19 07:29:45

Hi X.
Sorry but telling me the morning of is not going to work, need to know by this afternoon, if you can't do it don't worry, let me know when you are free and we can see if we can arrange something.
Xx

MrsEricBana Fri 15-Nov-19 07:30:22

I'd go with "Let's leave it for now. Let me know when you're free. Looking forward to seeing you at some point"

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