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To be ridiculously sad over a ring?

(23 Posts)
NewYoiker Fri 15-Nov-19 01:37:22

Now I will caveat this with I'm feeling ridiculously emotional anyway and this appears to have tipped me over the edge..

I'm clearing out my mums house and came across her jewellery box. All full of tatty jewellery that she loved.. whatever.. it was her choice.

What I didn't expect to NOT be there was my Dad's mum's engagement ring and eternity ring worth a lot of money but worth more in sentimental value as my dad passed away when I was 12 and that was my only physical link to his parents and my grandparents.

I found the paperwork: they were sold in 2010 for £600 and probably went to pay off some debt which pisses me off more than it should as I have had to sort out her mountain of debt anyway so it didn't even last that long!

Aibu to be angry and sad it's totally gone and cannot be got back?

I know it's just a ring but it feels like more..

Seren85 Fri 15-Nov-19 01:41:44

No, I don't think that you are. Obviously your Mum had them and it was her choice but it is sad when cherished items aren't passed down. My Nana was buried with hers, I'm told I'll get my Grans as the eldest granddaughter and my GMils were collected by my MIL and her sis for keeping because generally that's what you do. I'd be very sad too.

Trumpton Fri 15-Nov-19 01:43:25

That hurts so much and probably sold for a fraction of what they were worth .
You are nbu at all , I would feel the same way.

Bluerussian Fri 15-Nov-19 01:43:36

I'm so sorry but the money was probably more useful to your mother at the time than the rings. I am not particularly sentimental about my bits and pieces of jewellery but was heartbroken when my engagement ring was stolen so I sort of understand how you feel. It will pass, I promise.

wine

Seren85 Fri 15-Nov-19 01:47:32

I'm also probably extra sensitive about this having lost the stone from my own engagement ring. Didn't realise the sentimentality until then.

NewYoiker Fri 15-Nov-19 01:48:33

Think I just to forgive her. It's hard though! Maybe I could get one that I will choose but it will be in memory of her? I'm already planning on getting her engagement ring, her and my dads wedding rings made into a ring so they'll be together again. Sounds stupid but it's something she always talked of doing but couldn't bear to melt down my dads ring which is fair enough.

Maybe I'll see if I can buy a couple of loose diamonds and add them to the design if that's even possible.

I'm glad I'm not being truly unreasonable. My dad died when I was 12 so 16 years ago, I was in uni at the time she sold it and I feel so sad she didn't tell me

DramaAlpaca Fri 15-Nov-19 01:57:21

I'd be hurt & upset by that, too. I'm a sentimental old thing & that sort of thing matters to me. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

CTRL Fri 15-Nov-19 02:07:16

It’s sad and I would be abit upset about it too but I’m sure it was just as hard for your mum to sell it, so I’m assuming she must have been in a really difficault position and had no choice.

Sorry op x

notangelinajolie Fri 15-Nov-19 02:11:32

No because the jewellery and it's sentiments weren't yours. Me and my DH sold my engagement ring when we needed money. I don't regret it because we had to feed our children. It's just stuff - what you should be holding close are your memories which you can hold in your heart. I am sorry for your loss flowers

NewYoiker Fri 15-Nov-19 02:13:36

@notangelinajolie thank you. That's a good perspective to have. I appreciate that. Thank you

itwaseverthus Fri 15-Nov-19 02:23:58

Your mum sold that ring, probably to give you a great christmas or something you needed. See it as a living display of love. A ring is an inert thing, it's not people or memories. The memories are what count, they cannot be touched. Money is just a means to an end.

itwaseverthus Fri 15-Nov-19 02:26:11

And I truly am sorry for your loss, it's young to have lost both parents. Are you ok? It must be so hard. I am almost double your age and i haven't experienced such loss. Who is there for you?

NewYoiker Fri 15-Nov-19 02:27:55

@itwaseverthus I'm getting there. I've put off doing this January. I've got DH who is so so good and a really bloody good psychotherapist!

FridalovesDiego Fri 15-Nov-19 02:30:26

I don’t get this. I do get that you are feeling particularly fragile, but they were not your rings. If she needed the money, so what if they were sold? As a pp said, it’s just stuff.

Lostkeysinaraindrainurghh Fri 15-Nov-19 03:29:01

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

notangelinajolie Fri 15-Nov-19 03:51:23

Also adding that I recently had to do the same and I discovered the things that I cried over and meant more to me were the valueless things. Birthday cards & photographs, a cabinet full of little nik naks and little gifts I'd bought my mum over the years. She'd kept them all. In her wardrobe was my late dad's jumper, belt and radio and even more heartbreaking was her mum's (my grandma's) pink eiderdown.

I've kept them and of course her jewellery box but I hold I no sentimental feelings for that. I will keep it and it's contents for my daughter's. Don't be sad about the rings, I'm sure they were sold for good reason.

Be strong, don't do it alone and don't forget to laugh alongside with the tears.

Lostkeysinaraindrainurghh Fri 15-Nov-19 04:33:46

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Jammydodger1981 Fri 15-Nov-19 06:53:01

@Lostkeysinaraindrainurghh don’t be so nasty, absolutely no need for that.

Ignore them OP, they’ve been going around threads posting nasty comments for some reason.

Bourbonbiccy Fri 15-Nov-19 07:18:17

I can understand you being really upset, but I think your mum had to do it to keep herself afloat and sometimes people have to do things they don't want. As you say try and forgive her and make a nice on in their memory.

I can understand the upset, my uncle is refusing me my nans wedding ring since she passed, it's a sentimental thing for me and very upsetting. I hope you can try and move on and sorry for your loss.

EvaHarknessRose Fri 15-Nov-19 08:07:19

It's ok to be ridiculously sad over your past loss of your dad, the recent loss of your mum and now the loss of the ring. That's a lot to process. Please do something really nice for yourself today flowers

Thestrangestthing Fri 15-Nov-19 08:15:42

Yes I think yabu to be so annoyed at the woman who brought you up, for selling something that didn't belong to you, probably because she needed the money.
You are thinking about having the rings melted down, that to me is basically the same as its not the same piece of jewellery anymore.

FormerlyFrikadela01 Fri 15-Nov-19 08:22:56

Yanbu. I'm very much in the "it's just stuff" camp usually but some things we just get an attachment to.

My nana used to show me her wedding ring every single time I visited and said that's yours that when I go. When she did die my aunt (who was from a previous marriage) took all her jewellry saying children had no use for it. My grandad who gave nana the ring was bot her dad, she didnt even like him. It was cruel and greedy and I still cannot forgive her for it. It was not the value of the ring, I was 10 i didnt care for such things, it's the fact my nana always told me it was mine. Its just stuff but it meant a lot to me so I get it OP.

Sorry for your loss flowers

Geppili Fri 15-Nov-19 17:12:29

Some mother's might have given you those rings on your 18th or 21st. thanks

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