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To think a man wouldn’t cheat on his pregnant wife?

(107 Posts)
WorryWortWilma Thu 14-Nov-19 22:51:18

I’m just a few weeks pregnant with our second child. I don’t know if it’s hormones and I have no definite evidence but my spidey senses are telling me that maybe DH is having an affair with his female friend. Surely a man wouldn’t have an affair when his wife is pregnant? This is a planned pregnancy. I want to hear honest answers please.

PurpleDaisies Thu 14-Nov-19 22:52:50

Scroll through the threads in relationships advice you’ll find many women whose partners have cheated while they were pregnant.

SpinneyHill Thu 14-Nov-19 22:53:01

Honestly? If he's going to cheat, you being pregnant won't stop him. Why would it?

Ilovethekitties Thu 14-Nov-19 22:53:58

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PeterRouseTheFleshofMankind Thu 14-Nov-19 22:54:19

Well obviously I don't know about your DH, but I know personally of two men who cheated on their wives (with prostitutes) whilst their wives were pregnant.

It happened a few years ago now, and I still can't believe it happened to be honest, but happen it did, and they weren't even sorry.

Muddlingalongalone Thu 14-Nov-19 22:54:36

Mine did - doesn't mean they all will though.

Whatsnewpussyhat Thu 14-Nov-19 22:54:41

Of course men cheat on pregnant wives and girlfriends. You only have to look through the relationship threads.

What makes you think he is?

BenevolentEzza Thu 14-Nov-19 22:55:43

Umm. I believe it has happened once or twice in the world over the centuries.

LunchBoxPolice Thu 14-Nov-19 22:56:40

Mine did. With a prostitute, using money from our joint bank account. One week before Christmas. The shit.

ThatsMeInTheSpotlight Thu 14-Nov-19 22:57:03

If a man is going to cheat, he'll do it whether his wife is pregnant or not. That doesn't mean your DH is cheating.

Spidey senses can be misleading especially when your hormones are all over the place.

If you want genuine advice and want to share what has raised your suspicions, you're better posting a new thread on Relationships. AIBU isn't the place for measured advice. flowers

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 14-Nov-19 22:57:09

Happens all the time. Hope you’re wrong flowers

Justmuddlingalong Thu 14-Nov-19 22:59:02

What an incredibly naive opinion.

RightYesButNo Thu 14-Nov-19 22:59:13

No one can tell you for sure if your husband is cheating on you.

However, at least one study found that men are MORE likely to cheat when their partners are pregnant. This article does a really good job talking about the studies and the type of men most likely to cheat based on what we know from the studies. Perhaps you can compare how your DH fits each “type.”
www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-sex-and-babies/201106/are-men-likelier-cheat-when-their-wives-are-pregnant

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap Thu 14-Nov-19 22:59:17

For a (crap) man who doesn't find the reality of pregnancy appealing, they can quite easily "justify" cheating to themselves when their wife is pregnant. I know of men who did because they didn't "fancy" their wife while she was at the puking/don't touch my sore boobs/so tired early stage or towards the end of pregnancy when she was uncomfortable and sex was awkward.

Utter shits with an over developed sense of their entitlement to sex but yeah, some will.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Thu 14-Nov-19 22:59:25

My BIL has three kids born within a few weeks of each other. Sadly it is not unknown.

Ilovethekitties Thu 14-Nov-19 22:59:47

@LunchBoxPolice holy fuck, what a dick nugget

AnyMinuteNow Thu 14-Nov-19 23:01:03

Its horrific to think it OP. It feels like far more of a betrayal when carrying a bany and all the added responsibility and vulnerability, but it doesn't seem to make any difference to the betrayer.

I was horrified when a man I knew very well [having an affair] announced to us all as a group that 'they were expecting their 2nd dc'. Received all the congratulations and so on, yet some of us in the group knew he was having an affair and had been for a while.

Its horrible and vile male betrayal at its worst. So sorry OP. Please get lots of support.

Are you early on and still have options if you didn't want to go through a pregnancy and child rearing alone? Sorry, horrible thought, but you have some stark choices to face because of his behaviour. flowers

LunchBoxPolice Thu 14-Nov-19 23:04:36

@Ilovethekitties indeed. I divorced him and now have a wonderful partner so it’s all good smile

Liveinmaid Thu 14-Nov-19 23:06:26

This is not what you need right now and I’m sorry you are going through this. What is making you think he is cheating?

I must admit I did think my partner was up to something but just turned out I was being paranoid and was feeling insecure.

I didn’t ignore it though I checked his phone as it was unlikely he would of told me if he was up to something if I asked straight out

ViciousJackdaw Thu 14-Nov-19 23:12:06

Two words: Wayne Rooney

IWantADifferentName Thu 14-Nov-19 23:12:30

Given that domestic violence often first appears during pregnancy, I would say it isn’t a leap for a man to start cheating during pregnancy.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Thu 14-Nov-19 23:14:12

I have two friends whose husbands cheated on them when they were pregnant. One he cheated throughout and came clean wanting to then separate when she was 8m pregnant, the other actually walked in on her husband and the other woman shagging in her bed at 8.5m pregnant, went into labour and delivered that night.

Both tried to make it work for different reasons. Both marriages ended properly within a year of the births.

Cecilandsnail Thu 14-Nov-19 23:17:33

Mine did.

WorryWortWilma Thu 14-Nov-19 23:23:54

So do you think it’s more likely to happen during pregnancy?

I don’t have any evidence. Just my own paranoia. The look in his eyes when she comes up in conversation.

Even if he was cheating I would definitely go ahead with the pregnancy. This is a much longed for child.

brittabot Thu 14-Nov-19 23:27:23

Yes of course men cheat on pregnant partners - it happens all the time.

But why do you feel this about your partner? Is it based on any evidence or just ‘spidey senses’? Because when I was pregnant I felt so sick, irritable and tired, I felt very badly towards him at times and I’d really have believed the worst of him with little reason.

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