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AIBU or am I being a fool? - boyfriend related

(248 Posts)
ellaandthebella Thu 14-Nov-19 21:44:07

I currently live in a different city from my long term boyfriend for a variety of reasons. We have lived together in the past and are currently 3 hours by train away from each other. We still manage to see each other about every 3 weeks for a weekend.

As I had some free time recently we decided I would come and stay him for a week. He still has work during the day and has still done his hobby which he does twice a week whilst I am here, which is totally fine.

Tonight we made a plan to have dinner together just in the house. I use the word plan loosely though. It was just me asking what time he was going to be back and me saying I will make dinner for us and him saying he would be back by 7.30. I asked if he would bring wine. He said yes.

I was messaging him around 7.30 and just happened to ask if he was nearly back. He said no, he was in the pub and was just finishing his pint then would be leaving. Slightly annoyed at this point as that would bring it to 8 and dinner was ready. But I thought I would just heat it up and it would be fine.

8.15 comes. Still not back. Ask when he is coming and says he will be leaving soon. Properly annoyed now, but leave it.

Time passes. 8.45. Still not home. Finally decide I have to tell him I am upset. He basically ignores it and replies with general chat. I ring him. He answers but cannot hear him as it is so loud.

Now it is 9.40 and he is still not home. I am really upset. He is going to come back and say we never had real plans. It is kind of true, but even if we didn't I am still visiting him and he should have come back to see me shouldn't he?

overwork Thu 14-Nov-19 21:52:09

Oh that's a bit mean, you've traveled a long way to see him and I'd have hoped he would want to spend time with you, even without a proper plan! At the very least he could have invited you to the pub too

Turnedouttoes Thu 14-Nov-19 21:54:56

I think he’s been really bloody rude. I know if someone had made the effort to come and see me for a week and was essentially waiting around all day while I was at work I’d be making special plans to do things together every night and absolutely not going to the pub or a hobby.
I’m sorry OP but I don’t think he values your time together.

Mamasaurus82 Thu 14-Nov-19 21:55:23

Yeah, that's really unfair of him. Yanbu

Mumdiva99 Thu 14-Nov-19 21:56:07

He should have asked you to meet him from work and go to the pub with him - or he should have come straight home. You are only there for a week and he's already had 2 nights out without you doing his hobby.....does he actually want to see you? Something doesn't sound right about this. I'm sorry your evening was ruined.

AnyFucker Thu 14-Nov-19 21:56:32

Does he not like you very much ?

1Morewineplease Thu 14-Nov-19 21:56:39

Pack your bag and leave. He doesn’t respect you and places a pint as more important than you.
You deserve much more than this.

Ohyesiam Thu 14-Nov-19 21:57:16

You did have a plan. You had a time , an activity, And he knew what he had to bring. That is a plan by anyone’s standards.
And even if you hadn’t has a plan, why is he leaning you to sort alone and going out drinking.
Very mean.

BrassTactical Thu 14-Nov-19 21:58:21

He’s just not that into you.

Go home and move on.

NegroniOnIce Thu 14-Nov-19 21:58:38

Shitty rude behaviour and I would also pack my stuff and leave. Fuck being treated like that. You are worth so much more.

CoraPirbright Thu 14-Nov-19 21:59:08

Wow! I mean wow! Does he want to see you? Is he even bothered buy the fact that you are there? I would pack and leave and let the toss pot come back to an empty bloody flat!!

Oldishusernewname Thu 14-Nov-19 22:00:08

Go home, ditch him, be happy

kenandbarbie Thu 14-Nov-19 22:01:05

That's really rude when you only see each other once every three weeks. I don't think he's that into you.

RiddleMeThis2018 Thu 14-Nov-19 22:01:13

Pack, leave, and don’t wash up.

ShippingNews Thu 14-Nov-19 22:01:28

Once every three weeks isn't enough to sustain a relationship. I'd say he is just used to being on his own and he likes the freedom. Move on and meet someone else - you're wasting your time.

PenguinBollard Thu 14-Nov-19 22:02:33

What? Why is he out drinking when his long distance girlfriend is up for a rare visit?

Dump, find someone who respects your time

LadyBrienne Thu 14-Nov-19 22:05:03

You did face plan - he knew you were cooking dinner and agreed to 7.30 and bringing wine. At 7.30 he said he was leaving shortly. He didn't leave. This is not you misunderstanding and if he starts down that road he would be gaslighting you. I would pack and leave and not come back. He doesn't respect you or value your relationship.

Mollymoo01 Thu 14-Nov-19 22:05:08

Just leave.

He is incredibly rude and quite honestly he just isn’t that interested or he would be making more of the time you have together.

You deserve more than this. flowers

ellaandthebella Thu 14-Nov-19 22:05:22

I just want to add it is spontaneous work drinks at the pub if that makes any difference.

APerkyPumpkin Thu 14-Nov-19 22:06:03

What's the point of him?

LadyBrienne Thu 14-Nov-19 22:06:50

Nope doesn't make difference

He agreed to 7.30 - you reminded him - he recommitted that he was coming home and then didn't.

Saxineno Thu 14-Nov-19 22:07:37

I'm sorry lovely, he's just not that into you. Time to find something better.

CoraPirbright Thu 14-Nov-19 22:08:14

He could have just said no to the drinks......or stopped by for a super quick one! You only see each other every three weeks.

He has got too comfortable in his own life without you there and now doesnt see any need to compromise.

lifecouldbeadream Thu 14-Nov-19 22:11:48

Nope- he sees them every day.

You aren’t always around and he’d said he’d come home, with wine at a specific time to eat dinner with you.

It isn’t kind especially as he’s been at work and also at his hobby. In an LDR, you need to be prepared to give up time for the other person.

As you have lived together before- is the not living together now - a mutual choice/your choice/his choice- 3 hours is a big journey to have an LDR when you have previously lived together full time.....

My DH and I had a period where work necessitated living 3 hours apart- Monday to Thursday- one or other of us travelled to the other each and every weekend.

NegroniOnIce Thu 14-Nov-19 22:11:53

No, it doesn't make a difference. Very simple for him to have declined on the grounds of having a previous arrangement.
Please don't allow yourself to be treated like this.

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