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To do the household chores every day whilst he works

(284 Posts)
Liveinmaid Thu 14-Nov-19 20:32:33

My partner and I have had a big row this evening as he has had to come home from a 12 hour shift and had to do the washing up. Sounds juvenile and it is.

His argument is that he has worked 12 hours today, and shouldn’t have to come home to do stuff like this as I have been at home all day ‘doing nothing’. Admittedly yes I have done the bare minimum only because I am fed up of doing the same household jobs that no one else can be arsed to keep clean or tidy.

For context, he starts at 6am and as he doesn’t drive I take him to work and will pick him up at 6pm.

I understand I’m not at work (maternity leave, not yet had baby) but is it REALLY my responsibility to do the following everyday:

Wash up dry up put away
Load and unload the washer/dryer
Put clothes away
General tidying of each room
Make tea
Run any errands
Mop the floors/vac up
Put the kids clothes away
Clean the bathrooms
Do the weekly shopping
Sort out any household admin

I am not a fool to know he is taking the piss but I know I should do some bits at home which I don’t resent doing but when I’m having to do the same job 3 times a week which should only need to be done once it takes the biscuit.

YABU - I should be doing the majority of the household jobs
Yanbu - they should be split evenly regardless of he works 12 hours or 2 hours

Liveinmaid Thu 14-Nov-19 20:34:40

Oh no the voting button hasn’t gone on!

Liveinmaid Thu 14-Nov-19 20:35:49

Oh never mind it has lol

formerbabe Thu 14-Nov-19 20:38:12

How many DC do you have and what age are they?

Liveinmaid Thu 14-Nov-19 20:39:06

2 children ages 3 and 8 not my children but his

Liveinmaid Thu 14-Nov-19 20:39:35

Eow contact and will also collect these and drop off to nursery/school

Etinox Thu 14-Nov-19 20:40:09

How pregnant are you? 35+ weeks and it wouldn’t be unreasonable to not have done any of those things on any given day. But as a rule if one of you is at home they’d do most of those things. Especially if the other partner is working 12 hours. But how come you live somewhere where you need to drive if one of you doesn’t?

ScottishMummy12 Thu 14-Nov-19 20:40:21

YABU. He is out at work for 12 hours a day.

Allthecake89 Thu 14-Nov-19 20:40:33

Hiya. It's a tricky one. I am a sahm and my partner works. He does wash up abit and if I get really moany about the state of the house he will hoover and push the toys to one side. I find that annoying too. If I'm going to hoover up I put washing in the basket etc, toys in the toybox. He puts everything in a pile on the sofa.

I think the issue here is he's knackered from work. Your pregnant, tired and fed up. Let's face it, nobody enjoys picking up crap and wiping food of the floor day in day out on top of the constant pots, washing etc. I'm happy to clean up. It's the bluddy tidying that o hate doing. That takes so long I never get to do the random things I want to do.

I don't think you are unreasonable asking him to wash up nope. They might work 12 hours but there's no clear cut off for a sahm. When do we stop? I don't think I ever sit down feeling it's all clean and tidy. It's like a 24/7 job and it's relentless at times x

Leaspr Thu 14-Nov-19 20:40:49

It does sound like he needs to learn to drive. Are you supposed to continue doing the run for him once you’ve had the baby?
I do think as far as housework yabu but only slightly.
He has a long day but really you shouldn’t need to be waking up so early too.
Ahh, the more I think about it, the more I’m on the fence!
It’s just a bit of washing up!
Does he have a tiring job or is he sat down all day? and how many other children do you have and how old are they?

WishUponAStar88 Thu 14-Nov-19 20:40:50

I’ve put Yabu as I think you should be doing the majority. But not all.

Etinox Thu 14-Nov-19 20:41:43

Wait, what? You’re not married and you’re looking after his dcs every other week? 🤦🏻‍♀️

KaleidoscopeEyes Thu 14-Nov-19 20:41:48

I actually do think that if you're at home with no kids and your partner is at work, you should so the lion's share of the housework, yes.

If you're a big pregnant lady, that changes things somewhat, mind.

I'm on the fence here.

Leaspr Thu 14-Nov-19 20:42:00

Sorry, this has been answered whilst I went back and forth debating if you were being unreasonable!

Liveinmaid Thu 14-Nov-19 20:42:09

It’s a recent move to a better area closer to better schools more children for the kids to play with as we loved on a busy main road prior.

Yes 37 weeks. I really am unsure if I should be doing all of the above though whilst he comes in and leaves a trail of destruction. It feels like because he knows I’m not at work he will leave ‘things’ for me to tidy up.

Drum2018 Thu 14-Nov-19 20:42:16

I work part time from home and I do the majority of household chores as Dh works all day.

Reallynowdear Thu 14-Nov-19 20:42:38

Do you mean you have his DC every other weekend or they are with their mum every other weekend?

How long have you been on mat leave?

moita Thu 14-Nov-19 20:42:51

Unless he had a medical condition then the driving him to work and back would piss me off.

cherryblossomgin Thu 14-Nov-19 20:43:22

YABU

When DH didn't work he looked after the house. If I came in to housework after a 12 hour shift I would be angry too. On our days off we split tasks but if I am on a day off I have his dinner ready and the house cleaned.

ActualHornist Thu 14-Nov-19 20:43:23

I think you both need to cut each other some slack considering you're heavily pregnant and at the very least will be more tired than normal.

But yes, in general, the person at home should be doing the bulk of the household tasks.

MiniMum97 Thu 14-Nov-19 20:44:32

If he lived alone he would still have to do some jobs however long he worked. Doing the washing up as a contribution is not a big ask and he would need to do much more than that if he lived alone. You are not his skivvy!

YouJustDoYou Thu 14-Nov-19 20:44:56

If he's at work all day - you do it, because it needs doing, BUT if he's takingthe piss by not being used to even put stuff by the sink/washing machine/rinsing off plates or whatever, which takes all of 5 mins if that, then he's treating you like a maid which is never a goodnroute to go down in a relationship.

ActualHornist Thu 14-Nov-19 20:44:57

Your drip feed of a 'trail of destruction' - he shouldn't be contributing to general mess by being lazy.

Shovel his shit into a pile and say you look after the house, you're not his personal slave.

lookatthebabypenguin Thu 14-Nov-19 20:45:13

Depends if he employed you as his housekeeper or not.

MaidenMotherCrone Thu 14-Nov-19 20:45:16

How hard is it to wash up though?

I see my backside when I've done a 12hr shift and not one other person (out of 3 other adults) could be arsed to wash the dishes.

Some things can be left but hells bells just do the bloody dishes.

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