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'Very smart' staff member getting on my nerves

(245 Posts)
kippenvel Thu 14-Nov-19 20:16:10

A couple of weeks ago, I started volunteering at this food bank. Every volunteering session lasts for about 3 hours. Because the time slot I picked is largely inconvenient for most people working conventional hours, I'm always the sole volunteer there alongside this particular full time member of staff.

Hate is a strong word, I know, but after all our sessions together, I can safely say that what I feel towards her (especially during/right after my shift) comes pretty close.

Here are the 2 main reasons why:

1. She is CONSTANTLY talking about how smart she is.

E.g.: I was talking about having to study for my upcoming uni exams, and she went on and on about how she didn't even have to study back in the day because it was all 'common sense'! She also unironically mentions her IQ all the time, and uses it to substantiate whatever claim she wants to make that day.

2. She tries to analyse me and states her conclusions as if they were the gospel truth.

E.g.: I'm gay and she has told me that it's either because some boy has hurt me in the past (completely untrue) or because I lacked a stable motherly figure growing up (also untrue). When countered she gave me this bloody irritating knowing look and condescendingly told me that it's unconscious and that we 'don't always see the damage that people have done to us'.

I now give her monosyllabic replies in the hopes that she'll eventually get bored but apparently not! No other time is convenient for me, sadly. AIBU to consider quitting just to keep my blood pressure down?

LolaSmiles Thu 14-Nov-19 20:19:56

It's nothing to do with her being smart or not

She is a rude person. I wouldn't blame you for choosing another charity to donate your time to.

AwkwardSquad Thu 14-Nov-19 20:20:09

YANBU at all. Volunteering shouldn’t be penance. Find another opportunity with people who bring something positive to your day.

Bluerussian Thu 14-Nov-19 20:23:33

The woman sounds vile. I agree with Awkward, find somewhere else to volunteer.

Pinkblueberry Thu 14-Nov-19 20:23:36

I would tell her point blank that she is not smart and that’s a fact. If she was smart she wouldn’t be bahaving like such a tactless, socially incompetent moron... or ask her what’s the use in having such a high IQ and knowing so much when you still can’t make any kind of decent conversation. She would drive me nuts and if she was rude like that to me I don’t think I would hesitate to be rude to her.

legalseagull Thu 14-Nov-19 20:24:41

I would call her out on her homophobia. No one says "you're straight because a girl hurt you in the past". Offensive bitch

Harriett123 Thu 14-Nov-19 20:25:22

I'm with other pp she is just rude ignorant and honestly homophobic.
That 'homosexuality is a psychological disorder 'which she is implying is the foundation for those horrendous 'treatment camps' in the states.
Is there anyone more senior you could report her to? Otherwise find another charity

Alloftheboys Thu 14-Nov-19 20:26:10

I think it would be worth speaking to a manager about what this woman’s been saying.

Alloftheboys Thu 14-Nov-19 20:26:53

Also if you’re filling a slot that they find it hard to fill I’m sure they wouldn’t want to lose you.

pointythings Thu 14-Nov-19 20:27:50

She's rude, stuck up and homophobic and I would report her.

And you have an awesome nickname. (Dutch speaker here)

Sparklesocks Thu 14-Nov-19 20:29:26

I know it’s not much help but she’s probably massively insecure, people who are genuinely clever and happy in themselves don’t feel the need to constantly go on about their achievements and impress charity volunteers. You shouldn’t have to listen to her ignorant statements on homosexuality so yes i would probably quit. You can get away, but she’s stuck with herself!

MythicalBiologicalFennel Thu 14-Nov-19 20:29:27

She sounds the opposite of smart and also lacking in basic manners and common sense. She has a lot to learn, doesn't she?

Have you thought that maybe the reason why nobody else wants to do that shift is not the inconvenient time but... erm... her??

1Morewineplease Thu 14-Nov-19 20:30:56

As OPs ... call her out, find a different time slot , if poss or find a more welcoming voluntary post.
I would also report this person to the organisers of this charitable venture. She is going to put a lot of very much needed volunteers off from helping further.

messolini9 Thu 14-Nov-19 20:31:33

Your fellow volunteer is an ignorant, ho.ophobic arsehole. I hope you lose your temper eventually & give her both barrels.

Her ridiculous notions about homosexuality being "caused" by life events is based on a supposition that heterosexuality is the default setting for mammals, & that anything else is aberrant. Yeah, really I intelligent viewpoint.

btw anyone who has to tell you their IQ is struggling intellectually. She likely doesn't even realise how many types of intelligence there are. She's clearly lacking in emotional intelligence, for example.

Good luck dealing with the patronising bitch.

Poppinjay Thu 14-Nov-19 20:31:46

I think you need to let her manager know how rude she is.

She doesn't have a very smart job for someone who is so smart, does she?

Nanny0gg Thu 14-Nov-19 20:34:57

Does she ever have to interact with the public?

It's difficult enough for people to use one without encountering someone like her.

I think you need to speak to someone senior...

Keepyoursockson Thu 14-Nov-19 20:35:19

Fuck me. She told you that you’re gay because you’ve been ‘damaged’? She’s a nasty ignorant arse.
Why is she trying to analyse you, is she some sort of shit therapist? You need to report that behaviour OP. She shouldn’t be allowed to work with the public.

EleanorReally Thu 14-Nov-19 20:37:30

I think you may as well volunteer somewhere else.
no wonder the slot is hard to fill, with her behaviour.
cut your losses

Baboomtsk Thu 14-Nov-19 20:38:38

This is homophobic bullying. You don't have to put up with it. Raise it with a manager.

kippenvel Thu 14-Nov-19 20:41:29

Is there anyone more senior you could report her to?

I've contemplated sending an email to the volunteer coordinator in the past. However, aside from the 'who hurt you' nonsense (which was what triggered my OP) that happened today, it was just general condescension and having to listen to her chatter on and on about her IQ and 'enlightened' self.

Might send that email after all now that she's said what she did.

kippenvel Thu 14-Nov-19 20:44:01

Does she ever have to interact with the public?

Thankfully not. We usually pack grocery necessities into food packages so it's just me and her 99% of the time.

maddiemookins16mum Thu 14-Nov-19 20:45:50

You can guarantee she’ll have upset others in the past.

Cohle Thu 14-Nov-19 20:47:45

You should absolutely send an email about her horribly homophobic comments. It's totally inappropriate. What if she said something discriminatory to a vulnerable service user?

ethelfleda Thu 14-Nov-19 20:48:27

Explain to her that, whilst she may be book smart, she is seriously lacking in emotional intelligence on account of how rude she is. Social skills are another kind of intelligence not to be underestimated.

kippenvel Thu 14-Nov-19 20:50:17

Why is she trying to analyse you, is she some sort of shit therapist? You need to report that behaviour OP. She shouldn’t be allowed to work with the public.

It's all part of her 'I can read people very well and tell what kind of person they are' boast.

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