Asked if I'm the nanny a lot

[doadeer]

... Was at baby group with DS 10 months yesterday, I was asked 3 times if I was the nanny. It's happened about 5 times before.

Is this strange?

I'm trying to think why.... I'm 29 but been told I look a bit younger and the average age of mums in my area is late 30s... Also DS is mixed race though he does look very like me.

Would you be offended if people kept asking if you were the nanny?

[luckygreeneyes]

I’d assume you were in a decent area where nannies are the norm

[carrots555]

No

[doadeer]

Yes I suppose it is. I've just never heard anyone else be asked I guess and none of my mum friends have been

[Hauskat]

I would be flattered. I was a nanny in my youth. Now no one asks if I am a nanny. It’s because I look a wreck.

[sandalsinthebin]

Happened to me lots with my first. I was only 20 when he was born but I worked and sent him to a nursery in a really nice area. At the children's parties there was usually a group of nannies and I was invariably assumed to be a nanny when we arrived. I must say I enjoyed their company more than the older mums as they were close to my age. I'd take it as a compliment that you look so young.

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Would you be offended if people kept asking if you were the nanny? If someone were offended at being asked if they were the nanny, would that not mean they had less respect for a nanny than a mother?

[pinkcardi]

Wouldn't offend me.

I've been confused with an au pair before, I found that very flattering

[YeahNahWhal]

I used to get this a lot, my kids are mixed race too. At first glance, they do look more like their dad than me.

[MondeoFan]

At least people aren't asking if you're the grandmother like they ask me 🤦‍♀️

[Expressedways]

Happened to me loads of times. SAHMs aren’t the norm in our area so it’s not a huge leap to conclude that a person out with an older baby (i.e. not on mat leave) during the week must be a nanny. I wasn’t offended.

[Selfsettlingat3]

I would assume that you don’t look like you have given birth and have sleepless nights.

[happycamper11]

The nannies at DC's school are all
Young and very beautiful. I'd certainly not be upset if I were mistaken (sadly have not been)

[AnnaNimmity]

I used to too OP. I was 28 when I had my first and looked pretty young. I wasn't offended at the time, but someone suggested I should be as maybe it was an insult.

I don't know.

[HavelockVetinari]

Sounds like it's closet racism - the 4 white parents of mixed race children I know have all had this several times

[EmmiJay]

Not a nanny but I was asked if I was DD's big sister Now whether thats because shes tall for her age or because we were arguing over the best ice cream flavour idk

[Boxticker]

It's probably because you and DS are different races. My friend is black, her husband is white, and their children are mixed race. She is always being asked if the children are hers, in a way that I never get asked about my children. It really annoys her.

[ilovewinterpansies]

I had this too.

I was slightly offended because clearly they thought my children look nothing like me. They are mixed race so maybe that's why. Still - I want my children to look like me!

But to be fair it's hard to be offended by this because that's my own issue and the person asking had no idea.

So basically no I wouldn't be offended and take what others have said and be flattered that you're considered to be too young to be their mother...!

[Hobsbawm]

From what you have described, I'd be concerned this was casual racism.
And yes, similar has happened to me.

[SarahAndQuack]

It's insulting, yes, and casual racism.

DP got asked if she was the nanny on occasion; these days I sometimes do. We're both mid 30s so it isn't an age thing (though I would expect you're right that that plays into it).

People need to realise it's a loaded question and implicitly quite rude.

[doadeer]

I like the "I look young and fresh angle" which is hilarious given DS is a shocking sleeper and I have about 3 hours sleep. Though I've treated myself to some nice skincare recently to counteract!! 😂

[VeThings]

It’s because your child is mixed. People just take a quick look and don’t see his features are like yours.

Or... your very young and fresh looking so people assume you’re getting lots of sleep because you don’t have a child of your own!

[doadeer]

The racial element is a funny one as he actually looks a lot more like me in many ways than DH... Though I've got red hair and green eyes so that's probably what people see first.

Im not really offended per se I do just find it very odd being asked and trying to gauge whether others are asked this too. I would never ask someone that personally

[slipperywhensparticus]

Yes with my daughter because she looked like her dad apparently and again with my middle one as he was blond never with my youngest although they do think he has a different dad to his brother 🤦‍♀️

[EvenMoreFuriousVexation]

It's very much casual racism.

DS is white. DSD is mixed race. DH is black. I'm white.
"So which one is yours?"
Ugggggghhhhhhhhh

[AnotherEmma]

This is a race thing and PPs who are going on about age or class or whatever are spectacularly missing the point.