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Baby at 40? OK. School run at 50?

(261 Posts)
Shybairns Wed 13-Nov-19 20:14:39

Hi, I am hoping to hear from those who have had another child at 40. I have a 10 and 12 year old. I am with a new partner who hasn't had children of his own and would love one.

I know I will be crazy tired when the proposed child is young. But I am more worried about how I will feel when I am still schlepping to the school gates at 50 etc.

Anyone in this situation? Any honest reflections?

TIA x

IceniSky Wed 13-Nov-19 20:16:59

My husband is 52 and does most of our school runs with our 7 year old. He loves to socialise with the other parents and enjoys it. I'm 41 and hate it and find it tiring.

zsazsajuju Wed 13-Nov-19 20:17:01

Most of the school mums in my area are pushing 50. It’s normal in many areas and having children before late 30s would be unusual.

Liverbird77 Wed 13-Nov-19 20:17:48

Not quite the same. I met my now husband at 36. Got married at 40. First baby at 41 and now trying for a second at 42.
It has been absolutely fine so far.
Yes, it is tiring, but all parents of babies are tired.
We have been able to provide a lovely home.
He has lots of family.
Absolutely no regrets whatsoever.

littlehappyhippo Wed 13-Nov-19 20:18:55

@Shybairns

Had mine in my late 20's... Love them to bits and would never change a thing if I could go back to the 1990s. But I wouldn't do it for all the tea in China. No way. I certainly wouldn't have another baby at 40, if I had two already who were 10 & 12.

Nope. No way.

That is the problem with a second marriage/serious relationship with someone who hasn't had kids (and wants them,) but YOU have them already.

As I said - it's a no from me.

Winterdaysarehere Wed 13-Nov-19 20:19:30

I had a dc at 43. Ds is 5 and in reception. Nobody bats an eyelid.

IsolaPribby Wed 13-Nov-19 20:19:53

I am doing it and it's fine! No one believes me when I say I am 50. I've made lots of new friends, some not even that much younger than me.

I fell pregnant just as I turned 40, and my DS turned 11 just before DD was born. They have a lovely relationship, and I wouldn't change a thing!

Go for it, I say winksmile

Fleetheart Wed 13-Nov-19 20:20:13

Teenager at 54-60. Nope; I wouldn’t (as I am there now)!

SylvanianFrenemies Wed 13-Nov-19 20:24:07

I had DC2 at 39 and we are having a brief final go at TTC another after a mid pregnancy loss at the start of the year. It's fine, I don't feel too old at 42 to be parenting a wild toddler. Having an older child is helpful, DD1 is a very attentive big sister - you might get lucky with your older DCs!

jillandhersprite Wed 13-Nov-19 20:24:11

I've just worked out I will be 51 when my youngest is in year 6 although i can probably stop the school run a year before... Has never crossed my mind that it should be an issue...

Allthecake89 Wed 13-Nov-19 20:24:30

Most of the people picking up kids at my DD school are retired grandparents. A few young mums and some parents in their 40s. So it would be very normal wink

Stuckinanutshell Wed 13-Nov-19 20:25:28

It entirely depends on how you are as a person. My mother had me at 42 and was/is so young at heart and energetic. She’s gone 70 now and teaches yoga etc. She’s amazing. I also know relatives who have had children young and found it exhausting but these are also people.

Would I have a child at 40? Absolutely. I’m got and healthy and active etc. Would I advise someone else to? No more than I would encourage a 26 year old. It isn’t about age - it’s about mentality.

If you want a child and can cope with a child and feel the child I’ll enrich your life and you in turn will enrich theirs - go for it.

cookingonwine Wed 13-Nov-19 20:26:57

Do it ... x

BathTangle Wed 13-Nov-19 20:27:05

Parents in my DS's Y6 class ranged from 40s to 72.....

dementedma Wed 13-Nov-19 20:29:14

Had surprise dc3 at 38 when the other two were 12 and 10. It’s bloody hard. You are dealing with nappies and toddler tantrums at the same time as puberty, periods, boyfriends, exams and you become very thinly stretched. It also impacts on your career if you have gone back to work.Personally, I wouldn’t recommend it

GrumpyHoonMain Wed 13-Nov-19 20:30:35

It’s probably now more common for parents on the school run to be between 40-50. Don’t let that put you off.

StoneofDestiny Wed 13-Nov-19 20:31:16

No problem - had mine late 30's, worked full time and reached top of my profession before they left primary school. Had to employ nursery staff to pick up and care for them til I finished work as I had no relatives anywhere near me.
Hard to imagine it any other way - you deal with what you have in front of you.

makingmammaries Wed 13-Nov-19 20:33:04

I had my youngest at 41.5. She is adorable, but at nearly 50 I am thinking with dread of the teenage phase.

Gooseygoosey12345 Wed 13-Nov-19 20:33:46

Totally fine. My mum had me at 40 and had more energy than I did with my first at 19! She said it kept her young. It depends on you as a person but babies are tiring at any age

ChachyFace Wed 13-Nov-19 20:35:05

Had my second at 40- tho only a 5 year age gap- and I am by no means the oldest on the school run. I have 3 friends in my circle of playground mums who were older than me when they had a child. ( maybe we just 'recognise' each other and flock together). My 2nd was easier- no PND helped. I was more confident, experienced and laid back- and he was a sleeper....
52 now and widowed- life isn't easy- but I think that's to do with being widowed and not to do with having a child at 40... Most of my mum friends are a decade younger than me- keeps me 'young'!!

MissConductUS Wed 13-Nov-19 20:36:54

I had DC1 at 39 and DC2 at 41. They're now 19 and 17. It's been fine. The only issue now is putting them through uni while trying to top up our retirement savings.

Go for it. grin

GameSetMatch Wed 13-Nov-19 20:37:00

Most people who do the school run in my sons school are 60-70 they are the grandparents, parents are busy at work. Nobody would care, I’m certainly not the youngest Mum there are Dads who look late forties early fifties you wouldn’t look out of place.

tma1968 Wed 13-Nov-19 20:37:30

i had my 2nd child at 40 and the first at 37. i had nothing to compare it to so it was fine for me. only slight problem ive had is having to hang round with the young mums when the kids are having days out etc. i generally took them places with my friends and their grandkids lol x

AnneTwackie Wed 13-Nov-19 20:37:49

Normal here

MrsPepperpot1969 Wed 13-Nov-19 20:38:42

I’m 50 with 1 in Year 3 and 1 in Year 2 - it’s absolutely fine.

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