Advanced search

To expect me and my newborn to be left in peace?

(40 Posts)
weaverhat Wed 13-Nov-19 16:48:57

3 hour train journey with 4 week old baby to visit family member. Had to get up very early in the morning to get the train and hoped once on the train me and baby would be able to get some sleep and just wake up for feeds. Didn't expect to be bothered by 2 strangers constantly.

About one hour into the journey 2 women who were travelling together came to sit opposite me, there was a table in between us. Wasn't bothered by them sitting opposite me as the train was packed. I was winding DD at this point. They were having a conversation with each other but when I then repositioned DD so she could go back to sleep they both kept saying "Aww, look" to each other and they both ended up staring at DD and cooing. Could have put up with a bit of that but I started to feel like a museum exhibit.

Eventually they started asking me lots of questions and making comments. "Isn't she lovely."/"You're a superstar travelling with such a tiny baby."/"I miss the newborn days with mine."/"What's her name?"/"How old is she?" etc etc. Didn't want to be rude so I was receptive to them both at first but when they eventually asked where I was headed I said something along the lines of "X so it's quite a while away. We had to get on the train very early this moring so I'm just hoping I can get her to sleep for the rest of the journey so maybe I can have a kip too." I made sure to phrase it so they'd get the message I'd like to be left to go to sleep but without it sounding accusatory to them. It seemed to go over their heads and they both went on about their kids when they were babies etc.

I got a bit peeved. I don't expect people on the train to stay in silence just because of my baby, them talking quietly to each other sat opposite us wouldn't have bothered me. But I was clearly tired, bags under my eyes, tending to and BFeeding my newborn and I resented that I had to chat back to them or come across an utter cow.

Got up at one point to go to the loo in the next carriage to change DD. One of the women said "If you need to go to the loo we'll hold her for you." Wasn't a smell from DD so I guess they assumed I wasn't changing her and jumped at the chance for a cuddle. I politely said thank you but she does need changing. Once I got back onto my seat I didn't say another word to them, closing my eyes as soon as I sat down with DD before they even got chance to say something. As soon as I got to my stop I quickly said bye to them and rushed off the train. I accept I was probably rude, but if you were sat opposite a new mum on the train with a cranky baby who was obviously very tired (and had hinted that to you more than once), would you not leave her too it?

It's been a good few hours now but I'm still slightly annoyed about it all. I go from thinking "God I was such a bitch" to then thinking the women were very inconsiderate. Must be the hormones.

AfterSomeAdvice1234 Wed 13-Nov-19 16:52:34

Yanbu, but they were not really really unreasonable either, IMO. Don't let it bother you and enjoy your trip (congrats on your new baby too!)

moita Wed 13-Nov-19 16:57:16

To be honest they were probably trying to be helpful but of course you wouldn't leave your baby with a stranger.

I loved this with my first born - was quite a lonely time so I always loved the admiration from strangers but different folk different strokes.

20viona Wed 13-Nov-19 16:57:54

Don't let it bother you I'm
Sure they were just being friendly.

Livelovebehappy Wed 13-Nov-19 16:58:17

YANBU to want to be left alone without having to engage in conversation with strangers, but YABU to be still giving headspace to it a few hours later. They didn’t do it maliciously with a view to annoying you. A lot of people go all gooey when confronted with babies.

Baguetteaboutit Wed 13-Nov-19 16:59:06

I don't think you were rude and I don't think that they were willfully being a pita.

formerbabe Wed 13-Nov-19 17:00:47

They sound nice and offered to help you...yabu.
When my dd was little, I was in a restaurant and a lovely group of older ladies were cooing over my baby...I even let one of them hold her. I'm sure if you'd have said 'excuse me ladies, I'm shattered and going to rest my eyes while I can' they'd have understood.

EleanorShellstrop100 Wed 13-Nov-19 17:01:15

Sorry but you’re being very unreasonable. They sound lovely, they were clearly just being really sweet and friendly.

pinkyredrose Wed 13-Nov-19 17:01:30

If you're on public transport then you have to expect to be around people, ie. the public.

peachgreen Wed 13-Nov-19 17:02:34

That's life with a newborn unfortunately - I've never made so much meaningless small talk! Weirdly you kind of miss it when your baby becomes a toddler and everyone avoids you whenever possible! grin

You weren't rude, you handled it well. Don't worry about it.

formerbabe Wed 13-Nov-19 17:02:39

Having a new baby can be quite isolating...some new mums might really appreciate a chat and someone complimenting their new baby.

savingshoes Wed 13-Nov-19 17:03:41

You will never meet them again. Stop worrying about what they thought of you and get some shut eye.

Amanduh Wed 13-Nov-19 17:07:30

Well neither of you wbu but I the train isn’t a place for sleeping so 🤷🏼‍♀️

Cryalot2 Wed 13-Nov-19 17:08:44

Now I know to ignore mums with new or little babies. I tend to be friendly with most people in public .
I am sure they were just being friendly and had no idea you wanted left in peace.

NoSauce Wed 13-Nov-19 17:11:53

You expected to sleep on a train? confused madness. They were just being friendly OP, new babies attract attention. You’re just tired and grouchy.

Baguetteaboutit Wed 13-Nov-19 17:18:38

It's not madness to sleep on a train, it's perfectly fine. Especially when you have a newborn and it's best to get all the rest you can.

GinAndTings Wed 13-Nov-19 17:19:32

I sympathise. When my twins were tiny I hated the attention. I was exhausted to boot too!

NoSauce Wed 13-Nov-19 17:20:03

It’s madness to expect people to be quiet while you’re trying to sleep.

NamechangeWhatFor Wed 13-Nov-19 17:23:41

I always liked a compliment, as I knew I had the most beautiful baby to have ever existed...
It can get a bit much. Keep a big DO NOT DISTURB sticker on hand for next time!

80skid Wed 13-Nov-19 17:25:51

It sounds the the ladies had a lovely time. People live to reminisce about happy, loving times, and the presence of a newborn does bring this out in people.
I'm sorry you feel cross. Things are much more palatable when you've had some sleep. I get that you wanted to be left and I'm not criticising you but it is part of having a baby. I have twins so had a lot of attention when out and about, which with no sleep is often difficult. I figure that if you have a baby, the attention lasts maybe 3 years tops? If you had a St Bernard dog, it would last much longer, with constant questions about how much it eats and if you ride it home from the pub wink

tillytrotter1 Wed 13-Nov-19 17:27:58

They were probably well-meaning but I can understand your frustration!
We once sat down to fly to China, the woman next to OH said she wanted to practice her English by talking to him and she did, all the way. I feigned sleep, I would have feigned death if necessary!

Spinzy Wed 13-Nov-19 17:30:00

I understand where you are coming from but I don’t think they did anything wrong. Babies are lovely and many people love seeing them. My husband and I always end up admiring babies while out and about. I could imagine behaving a little like those ladies did... especially if you seemed friendly and polite and to be welcoming and enjoying it? I know you might not have intended to come across that way but may have done out of politeness. I would have offered to hold the baby too, just because it can be logistically difficult with a baby when you are in a confined space and need to sort out your clothes etc. I would expect that most people wouldn’t want to take up the offer from a stranger but just in case they were desperate. I wouldn’t be forcing them to take me up on the offer so I’d be surprised that anybody would be annoyed by that. And with your comments about wanting to go to sleep... if you weren’t direct and seemed chatty I would assume you had changed your mind! I think outright telling them you were tired and were going to sleep now would have been fine - they sounded like they were trying to be helpful and remembered what having a newborn was like. You could even have said “I hope you don’t think me rude but...” to be clear. It wouldn’t have been rude.

You’ll probably see from a different point of view when your child is older and you see new mothers and babies out and about. I think your tiredness and the all consuming nature of having a newborn is making you think more of this than is necessary. It’s not a big deal. Hope you’re getting a bit more rest now!

Ladyofthenuvarings Wed 13-Nov-19 17:30:57

YABU they were trying to be polite and have a conversation, charter your own train if you want peace. People can't read your mind if you wanted to be left alone you should have said outright not danced around it, I mean it would have been rude but you would have gotten peace.

Curtainly Wed 13-Nov-19 17:32:48

YABU to consider sleeping on the train with a newborn. They were just being polite by the sound of it, why not just say that you fancy some peace, no wonder people keep themselves largely to themselves now.

Baguetteaboutit Wed 13-Nov-19 17:34:37

The op didn't expect the people in the train to be quiet. She just wanted to bow out of the conversation so that she could sleep.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »